Inside I'm Breaking
by A.Shamrock
Summary: COMPLETE! Sakura doesn't know how to cope with Syaoran and Tomoyo's engagement. For the sake of Syaoran's happiness Sakura buries her emotions behind a fake smile, ignoring her aching heart, but inside she's breaking. Rated T for language Enjoy!R&R!
1. The News

**Disclaimer; I do not own Cardcaptor, Clamp does**

**just letting ya know ;)**

**This was a stor that just popped into my head, I've an idea where it's going but lets see:D **

**Inside I'm Breaking**

**Sakura's POV**

"I've something to tell you!" Tomoyo screamed into the phone.

"What's wrong?" I said half yawning as it was half seven in the morning and Tomoyo knew I was not one to arise early.

"I'll tell you later! Syaoran and I are leaving now from the airport but do you want to meet for coffee?" Her voice was cheery as usual but I couldn't help but mentally sigh. I forgot they were coming home early.

"Um yeah sure where do you want to meet?" My attempts to match her tone were to no avail.

"The usual place? Around three? It's nothing really I just haven't talked to you in forev- What? Sakura who else? I know she's not a morning person but- yeah ok." I could hear the low pitch of _his _voice in the background saying something incoherent. I swallowed nervously hearing him.

"Sakura I'll take to you later ok?" she said in a rushed voice.

"Yeah fine." My mood dropped in an instant to slightly sour.

"Yay! Ok I'll see you then and you BETTER cheer up by then!"

When I hung up I slumped back into my kitchen stool. It's been eight days since I've spoken with Tomoyo since she and Syaoran went on their romantic vacation to Austria.

I suppose in a way it was a relief not hearing from them as to be honest they were kinda in my face being all 'loved up' and what not. Unintentional of course but nevertheless their romance has put a depressing cloud over my pathetic single status. I was still young I guess.

Getting dressed into my sweats I lazed about the kitchen. Sitting again on the kitchen stool I looked around my empty apartment. It was quite big and cosy considering it was only me who lived here. I must admit I did splash out though getting an apartment right in the centre of Tomoeda but hey, being an architect pays well I suppose.

I glanced at my watch seeing it was only 8:30. Gee Tomoyo thanks for unnecessarily waking me up. I decided mopping around the apartment would do no good so I decided a brisk walk was needed. Before I left I wrote a reply e-mail to my good friend Eriol who was currently living in London.

Walking through the refreshing air of Tomoeda there was something bugging me, this nagging feeling that was really starting to irritate the crap out of me. Even as I power walked through Tomoeda it was still there and I had no idea what it was.

Ok I _knew _what it was but I was too proud to even admit it to myself. To admit that it might have something to do with _him_. The uncomfortable feeling that has come over me since their plane left Japanese ground. Not hearing from them made me uneasy as well. Why? I don't know I guess I'm just use to speaking to Tomoyo every day and Syaoran every second day.

Syaoran Li.

Just the though of him and Tomoyo made me walk faster to the point I was nearly running. Running from something maybe.

Glancing back at my watch I saw it was now half two which gave me just enough time to get ready. I was actually dreading this. I know Tomoyo only wants to catch up but I guess I wasn't in the mood for Syaoran this and Syaoran that. I'm being bitter I know. I have my reasons.

But only for the fact Tomoyo was my cousin and I've known her since she was born five months after me do I say nothing. She was my best friend through thick and thin and right now she was happy. I wouldn't ruin that for her for my own spiteful ways.

"Just suck it up." I mumbled to myself.

Before I left towards our usual place I did not forget to paste on a fake smile on. God it was going to be a long day.

xxxxxxxxx

Tomoyo was sitting outside the café with a pair of thick Prada sunglasses with a huge mug of coffee in her hand. A latte was perched in the seat opposite her. Typical Tomoyo never forgot my usual. When she saw me through those thick glasses she squealed and waved frantically at me.

"Sakura!" She screeched so loud neighbouring customers were looking at her.

She stood up to embrace me. Hugging me tightly I was wafted by the smell of what was probably a ridiculously expensive perfume.

"I missed you!" She said before ripping off her sunglasses and saw her almost lavender eyes gleaming.

"You too, you look great." I noticed. It was not a lie. Tomoyo was always fashionable but not she looked like an export from Milan. She was obviously wearing designer from head to toe making me intimidated to sit in front of her in a mere knee length summer dress. Her hair too was thick and black and rested like a silky curtain at her shoulders.

"Thanks, its Chanel," She said beaming.

I laughed nervously not knowing why this situation was off. We eventually launched into our regular talk. She talked about Paris, designer shows she went to and how she had a lunch with the Governor of Brittney. I nodded keeping a plastered smile on not knowing what the hell she was talking about. She didn't mention Syaoran yet which was odd because usually he ended up in the conversation. I had to admit as much as I was uneasy about meeting her I realised how much I missed her. Before she moved in with Syaoran we were roommates. Lately she's been spending a lot of time with Syaoran and I declined any offers to hang out as I hated being struck down with a case of the 'third wheel'

I had to say I was glad not hearing his name though, it was nice it just being us. But at the same time I wondered how he was.

"It was amazing Sakura! I wanted to call so bad but time difference and all you know? Did you get my e-mail? Cause I think I sent you an e-mail, did I send you one?"

Yeah she did. One.

I was happy she thought of me but had it been two or three years ago she would have called at any hour not caring whether or not I was asleep. She just cared that way.

"Yeah I got it. Thanks." I said while sipping my hot latte.

"You never replied!" She pouted jokingly but I knew really she was curious as to why I didn't reply.

"I was busy." I lied. It was a lousy e-mail. I remember it perfectly actually.

_Hey Sakura!_

_Paris is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!_

_Hope your not missing me too much! Just wondering if you could pick up something for me in the dry cleaners I forgot to! I have the receipt in my second drawer thanks!_

_Talk soon_

_Tomoyo._

"I made time for you." Tomoyo seemed genuinely sad. Little things like this always got to her. The poor girl for as long as I remember has always gotten upset for things that weren't her fault or meant nothing. Take for instance, not replying to an e-mail.

"Sorry Tomoyo don't take it personally."

She was fine after that but yet still did not mention Syaoran. Where was he anyway? I thought he'd go with her to see me. Guess not. No doubt Tomoyo told him it was a girl's only meeting up.

"So um… how's Syaoran?" I asked not even looking at her rather I focused on my peach painted nails.

"Um…" She said.

I glance up at her seeing a smirk play on her face. She placed the cup down slowly and pinched the top of her leather gloved. It slid of to reveal a huge diamond rock on her finger.

My heart stopped.

No…. please God no.

"He proposed!" She screamed and started clapping her hands so fast the ring became a sparkly blur.

She stopped clapping to gage my reaction. I said nothing. I simply stared at the diamond with my mouth agape. I felt the blood drain from my face and settle in a pool at my feet. This is a dream. Actually no, this was my worst fricking nightmare!

"Sakura?" She asked in a worried voice and leaned in as to check if I didn't have a stroke.

Oh my God this was happening.

I knew I had to say something! Say _anything!_ But no words came from my mouth. I was a complete blank.

Blinking some sense into myself I started to laugh loud. Loud enough to shield the sound of my heart brake. "That's… That's….Amazing!" I said really loud.

Thankfully she did not notice the fact I was over trying. Instead she squealed once again saying "Oh my God I'm so happy you're happy for me! I thought you.. well I don't know."

"Tomoyo of course I'd be happy for you! This is the best news I've heard in years!"

Lie.

"I knew Syaoran was going to propose sooner or later."

Lie.

"I can't wait for the wedding!"

Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies FUCKING LIES!

"Me neither! You know I thought it would never happen I mean we're going out like nearly four years!" I cringed when she said that. She sighed happily and smiled twirling the ring round and round her finger. She looked so happy. So happy I thought she forgot I was still here.

"I best be going." I said suddenly jumping up from the table almost knocking the contents of the cup over.

"What? Oh I thought maybe we could go back to my house and you me and Li can talk again like it use to be! Except Eriol's not here." She said saddening her tone.

"I can't!" I said a little too hesitantly. She stared wide eyed at me not understanding my weird reaction to her news.

"Um… Toya's out so Kero must be lonely.. and hungry."

She scratched her head not understanding me. "But… he's a cat Sakura. He'll be fine."

"Om… you got me." I started to laugh. "I just really want to break the news to Toya and Dad. They'll be so thrilled."

"Oh I see! Oh ok well come by tomorrow pleeeeease!"

I agreed to keep her happy. I just needed to get out of there so fricking bad. How did she not pick up my mood? This was not _ok_ with me yet, she was too happy in Daidouji world. I couldn't stay here anymore. I need to get out. After I promised her I would call by tomorrow to have a mini celebration with her and _him_ she hugged me and we headed our separate directions.

I rain as I walked home. Strike that, it pissed down from the heavens. I didn't even notice the rain soaking through my cloths. I didn't pay attention to anything. I just kept seeing that ring. I saw Tomoyo's face overjoyed for the life she was to get. She'd have everything she could ever want. I never cared about money or cars or clothes or even the security that came with the possibility of marrying a Li. All I would ever want is him.

Syaoran Li.

My short brown hair clung to my wet cheeks. I walked past my apartment. I didn't want to be there, alone to think about everything. Instead I kept walking straight until I arrived outside the gates of a very familiar yellow house. The gates did not creak as I opened them for once. The automatic light flicked on as I approached the door. Under the black clouds I felt safe under the yellow light. The door was locked. I rang the bell and held my breath praying dad wouldn't answer the door.

It wasn't. It was Toya.

"Heeeey what brings you here?" He said cheerful. Behind him the t..v. blared and I saw thankfully that Yukito wasn't here either.

"Sakura?" he said when I didn't reply.

A lump rose in my throat. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't need to as I combusted into tears. The rain eased slightly around me but I felt numb.

"Hey, hey." He said putting the bowl of popcorn down and putting an arm around me. He brought me out of the porch and into the kitchen. "What's wrong Kura?"

Whimpering a little my words wobbled from my mouth.

"It's Tomoyo and Syaoran. They're engaged."

**Hey guys um... this is my first ever fanfic so hope ye enjoyed :)**

**There will be plenty of different POV's in the following chapters so Syaoran will make an apperance :D **


	2. Uncertain

**Disclaimer; I do not own Card captor Sakura, Clamp Does.**

**Enjoy! **

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Aw Sakura come on. It's ok." Toya kept soothing. "He's not worth it. I mean, he went for her instead of you? There's something wrong with him."

I wanted to tell him that wasn't fair. Tomoyo deserved the best. And she got the best. She got Syaoran. I was lucky to have a brother like Toya. He allowed me to cry endlessly onto his shoulder until his shirt was salty with my tears.

"He's a dickhead too. A fucking moron. I never liked him and I'm glad you're not with him too." Toya huffed.

"You're not helping Toya." I sniffed. His brotherly protectiveness was flattering but however the last thing I needed.

"She's so happy Toya. I don't know what to do. I think I still love him." I bit down on my lower lip and cried into his shoulder. He patted my hair and rocked me slightly. Toya was the only one who knew. He and Eriol were the only ones who knew how I felt about Syaoran. My father was too busy to be burdened with my misery. I didn't want him to worry. However Eriol knew more. I somehow knew Toya could only take so much before he would feel it was his duty to punch Syaoran's lights out. No, it's best he thinks it's a mere crush.

I wiped my tears and looked into his face. I felt like I was twelve again rather than my twenty two year old self.

I saw how upset he was to see me like this. I had to admit it was a bit ridiculous I suppose. Syaoran made is decision when he chose Tomoyo over me. Therefore these feelings I have are jealousy right? He was marrying my best friend and that was it.

I laughed which confused Toya. I wiped my eyes which stung with tears.

"I'll be ok Toya. I'm being a bit ridiculous aren't I? Crying over some guy." I looked down at my hands. Scrunching and un-scrunching them.

"No, you cared about him. You can't help how you feel. But he's just one guy, there's plenty more. But if I had my way I wouldn't let them near you" He chuckled pulled me in for a hug.

God he didn't know. To me Syaoran wasn't _some guy_. He was _the_ guy, well man, what ever way you want to put it. But he'll be gone now. The sweet memories of our childhood will soon be dissolved and replaced with new ones of Tomoyo.

Tomoyo Li.

That name circled around in my head over and over again.

"What do you say we watch a movie or something? Yue is coming over later."

"I don't want to intrude. You and Yukito barely see each other anyway with you in Tokyo during the week. Toya was an interpreter and worked with a business firm in Tokyo he and his boyfriend Yue only ever see each other at the weekend. I left Tomoyo as to not spoil her happiness with Syaoran and now I'll bring a downer on Toya and Yue. God this isn't my week.

I stayed in the end and feasted into Ben and Jerry's trying to fill certain emptiness inside me. I even stayed in my old room that night claiming it was too late for me to go home. In truth my apartment was too big for just me. Curling up in my old bed I felt nostalgia in a good and bad way. It was here in this room Syaoran and I talked about everything and anything for hours on end. Time was never an issue with us. We simply liked each others company.

He had a temper, God he had a temper. He could just explode over the simplest things or comments. He often done with me, and I laughed, right in his face. I wouldn't be able to help it. Then, slowly the corners of his mouth would curl up and eventually his brilliant white teeth would show. He never got mad at me again. In fact we got closer, a lot closer. He'd try to keep his cool around me. We'd smile at each other for the longest time. I'd catch him looking at me with unignorable amber eyes.

When we reached our teens I had some sort of miniature whirlwind romance. He'd call me, for no reason, although he claimed he didn't know what the homework was or some lie like that. I remember he held me hand for the first time. Sparks flew when our palms touched and I knew, I just knew he was the one. And when his hand tugged the rest of my body towards him, he lowered his forehead onto mine, then his lips to mine.

I could have died there and then the happiest girl in all of Japan.

Yet here I am, on a cold empty bed reminiscing about my first love.

It never stayed that way, oh no.

I remembered confiding my secret to Tomoyo.

_Flashback_

"_You what!" Tomoyo squealed. _

"_Um yeah, I think so." I blushed and looked down at my feet rather then my best friend. _

_Tomoyo was perched on the bed opposite me in her pyjamas resting her head in her hands. She was smiling so widely she could have swallowed the house. _

"_Oh my God you like Syaoran! I knew it! AND you kissed?" She gushed more exited than I was._

_I nodded still blushing not knowing what to say. I was feeling these weird emotions filling me. _

"_What should I do?" I asked in utter confusion. I wasn't use to guys liking me. I was 16 and new to it all. Tomoyo however had a thing for Syaoran's friend Eriol but never acted on it. She silently watched him from afar._

"_Go for it!" She hugged me tightly. "I'm so happy for you." She whispered into my ear. _

_My heart pounded, but no matter what I knew it was ok because I had Tomoyo. _

_She'd be there for me._

Or so I thought anyway.

You can imagine the surprise I got when I found out a week later, Tomoyo and Syaoran were dating. I thought it was a joke at first. I mean you couldn't take anything Takashi says seriously. But when it was confirmed by Eriol, it was earth shattering. Long and behold though, there they were. Standing by the school gates Syaoran and _I_ use to be. They were talking, Tomoyo smiling whilst twirling a piece of hair in her hand and biting her lip. She only did that when she was nervous. Why was she nervous!

Anger blazed inside me.

I wanted to scream and before I knew it my feet were powering towards them. As I closed the gap of the school gates, I saw Syaoran's head bend down to kiss her. She received the kiss gladly.

I virtual knife plunged into my back. Sinking deeper and deeper with every second it the kiss lasted. Abruptly Syaoran pulled away and placed his hands by his side. As if he sensed me his head flicked towards me. Tomoyo looked at me sensing something too.

The expression on Syaoran's face was unreadable; Tomoyo however could never hide her emotions. A mixture of shock and pain crinkled her perfect complexion. It was nothing compared to the hurt I'm sure was showing on my face.

Before I gave them a chance to react I turned my heel and ran.

I sighed loudly.

Kero, my cat jumped onto my bed and nestled on the pillow beside me. Stroking his fur I spoke aloud to him,

"Funny how the two people I care about the most outside my family, have hurt me more than anyone else."

Kero started purring aloud and peeked one green eye at me.

"Go on." I could practically here him say.

I couldn't even cry anymore.

"Do you know what Kero?" I said sitting up. "From this day forth I shall never cry for Syaoran Li. He deserves none of my tears." I felt like I was taking an oath. I guess I was. I'd do everything in my power to ensure my feelings do nothing to interfere with Tomoyo's wedding. She was there when my mom died and in return, I shall be there for her. I promised this to myself. Syaoran shall see no pain or remorse for what could have been on my face.

After my little oath I lay back on my old bed and waited for sleep thinking, that in some house the other side of Tomoeda, a couple lay side by side, probably dreaming about their future.

I wish I had that.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Tomoyo's POV**

Sakura and I parted ways after I announced Syaoran and my engagement.

I couldn't stop smiling. Everything and everyone was infected by my new-found self.

However I was a little disappointed that Sakura didn't venture back with me. In fact, I was a little disappointed in her reaction altogether.

She just sat there. Staring at my hand. Her face was unreadable to the point where I felt uncomfortable. I remember my heart thumping although I don't know why. It's not like she'd object. I mean, Syaoran and I have been going out years and she never said anything.

"As long as you're happy." Was her motto.

She should have been turning tables over with excitement and not…. Blanking on me.

I sighed. Maybe I'm looking into this a bit too much. She's probably tired. Her brother came out of the closet recently and started a relationship with Yue, Chiharu and Takashi have been dating a while now. Hmm….. She must be lonely with all these couples around I guess.

Turning a corner I got into my new BMW my Fiancée bought me. It was black and sleek and most of all, made heads turn. I was being a little vain I know. Since I got with Syaoran I must admit I got a bit materialistic. I've come from a wealthy background but it was nothing compared to the Li fortune.

I took a left at the last street in Tomoeda into the entrance of the house Syaoran and I are now living. It was a big wooden house but of course, not near big enough to impress my mother.

"You're marrying a Li Tomoyo for Christ's sake! Stop spending your money like a middle-class men."

It was mainly her and Syaoran's mother who pushed us into building a ridiculous over the top mansion a little outside Tomoeda.

Entering the house it was silent except for the faint noise of Syaoran in a room on the other side of the house. I went towards our bedroom where he was.

As I entered he was pacing back and forth with his cell phone scratching his head.

Even in his aggravated state, he was God-like.

He grew into a six foot frame since high school. His chest was broader too which was accented by the tight t-shirt he was wearing. His square jaw shaped his face perfect. His trade mark possibly was his hair. Deep chocolate brown locks you'd want to run your hand through.

"Yes mom I know but- will you just listen? I- yes I KNOW THAT!" Syaoran was clearly agitated. Phone calls from his mother usually did that so I couldn't blame him. Yelen Li was a tough woman.

"Right fine I will. I SAID I WILL!" He threw his toned arm out. "Sorry" He mouthed over at me.

I waved my hand dismissing it.

Instead of drooling over my fiancée I decided to change into jeans.

"Ok, ok, I'll see you next week." I heard him groan loudly as he hung up the phone.

"What's wrong?" I said sitting on the bed beside him. He was lying down with his hands over his face.

"My mother, that's what. She's coming down next week to throw an engagement party." He peeked through his finger to see my reaction.

I smiled meekly. I wasn't Yelen's biggest fan but she liked me was a relief. You wouldn't want to get on her bad side.

"Oh, that sounds nice." I was nervous. Yelen was always so perfect that keeping up with standards was proving a difficult task.

"Don't worry," he said and lifted his hand to stroke my arm. A gesture he rarely does. In fact, when it comes to being romantic and intimate, Syaoran did quite little. But when he did, it was so affectionate and loving my heart would swell. He traced circled on my arm which tingled.

I couldn't help but to lean down and kiss him. A daring move seeing as he never likes to be caught off guard. His lips were soft. I leaned in to kiss him more when he caught my arms and sat up.

Gazing into his amber eyes I felt reduced to a mere high school student.

"Did you tell Sakura?" He asked.

"What? Oh ye,"

"And?" He said raising an eyebrow.

"Um… yeah. She was happy for us of course! You should have come with me." I said picking at the ends of my hair a little bit miffed at our lack of romance since we got back from Paris. I wanted to kiss him longer, to talk about the wedding, but… he wasn't in the mood. That's fine though, he's just stressed.

"I know, I had a business call sorry." He swung his legs of the bed and made his way to the window. "What else did she say?" He said snapping back to Sakura.

"Um… she was really quiet to be honest. But I guess with being single for a while it's to be expected. Everyone else is loved up so I guess she's shocked now her two best friends are official. I told her to come back with me, so we could all talk but… she had plans." I said sadly. I couldn't be completely happy if I knew Sakura was bothered about something. "Maybe we could set her up with one of your co-workers?" I suggested.

"No!" He spun around and fixated a glare at me. I jumped a little still after all these years I wasn't use to Syaoran's outbursts.

"Sorry." I said putting my head down.

"Don't be." He said softer and leaned his head against the window. His messy brown locks licking the window. "I shouldn't snap."

I didn't want to admit it but Syaoran had been off since we abruptly left from out vacation a week early. I wanted to loop my arms around his waist and lean my cheek against his back. However I knew he would not want that. I was tough, trying to judge his mood.

"I'm taking a shower." I called over my shoulder making my way to the bathroom.

"By the way Eriol's coming over next week." He said.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

My eyes widening to the size of plates. My fingers froze mid stroking my hair.

Eriol… I almost forgot about him… Almost.

"…Oh, so… you told him?" It was difficult to my voice from quivering. I brought my hands together and stroked my engagement ring, the diamond scraping my finger.

"Yeah. He was his usual you know. Cool headed as usual. He said he needs to pack some things. He's flying out Wednesday." Syaoran didn't notice a sudden change in my mood. His own voice drifted off. Thank God.

"Haha… I suppose that was always Eriol." I locked the bathroom door behind me. I don't know why a shuddered when Syaoran said his name.

"It's only Eriol." I told myself while laughing. Maybe I was nervous. It has been a year since I've spoken to him.

… It's only Eriol.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Sakura's POV**

Waking up the next morning I completely forgot my surroundings. I was still in last night's clothes with my hair in a messy bun.

There was a light knock on my door.

"Yeah." I rasped rolling over to see my father's head peek through the door.

"Hey dad."

"Hey sweetheart. How are you?" He came in and sat down on the bed.

"I'm fine." I smiled meekly. "I'd looove some breakfast though."

Dad rolled his eyes "Coming right up. I just wanted to check that you're ok." His kind eyes squinted down at me.

"Toya told you didn't he?" I kept my tone even. This is exactly what I _didn't _want. Pity. Never wanted it, never will.

"Yeah he did." He patted my head and sighed. "I know you liked the boy honey. He doesn't deserve you."

"Thanks dad. I thought you were giving a lecture today."

"Yeah it got cancelled till next Wednesday. Maybe you should come with me. It's been a while since you were in Tokyo."

"Maybe." I grunted. That actually wasn't a bad idea to get out of Tomoeda for a while.

He left then mumbling something about young love.

My phone vibrated under my pillow.

It was Tomoyo.

_Hey Sakura you can come over at about one. I made lunch : )_

I didn't reply but I knew I would end up going or have my absence constantly thrown in my face by Tomoyo.

I chewed my breakfast mechanically. Yukito joined us and kept my mind occupied asking me about work and what not.

I loved my job as a design architect. Though I was a recent graduate I was pretty damn good at my job.

"I've a week off. I'm designing that new business park in East Tomoeda." I explained and Yue listened with genuine interest. I always liked Yue, I liked him even more when he and my brother started dating. Toya became easier to talk to since. Now, not saying all gays become all about emotions when they come out of the closet but my brother sure did anyway. Well, let's just say he's that little bit more compassionate then he use to be.

Toya probably told Yue all about it too. Great, now everyone at the breakfast table pitied me.

Chugging down the last of my breakfast I left with promises to return soon.

I was driving towards Tomoyo and Syaoran's house and of course knowing me, I got lost. Two U-turns and a few lefts later I stumbled upon the huge wooden house. My heart raced a little as my car crept closer to the house parking beside Syaoran's jeep. I gulped looking in at the windows and seeing no life.

Why am I nervous? I'm meeting up with Tomoyo. Nothing to be nervous about right? I was about to get out of the car when noticed a sleek silver Porsche that I could only recognise as one of the Li sisters cars.

Tomoyo never told me they were coming! Oh God can my life get any worse?

"Please be Fuutie at least." I mumbled to myself as Fuutie was the only one who ever took a liking to me.

I got out of the car and slowly made my way to the door taking in the huge garden with flowers that radiated every shade of pink. No doubt Tomoyo got charge of that.

Bracing myself (With my smile) of course I knocked on the door lightly. It took a while before Tomoyo flung the door open smiling gingerly.

"I thought you weren't coming!" Tomoyo literally had no inside voice.

"Well… here I am."

"Come it." She beamed. Tomoyo's mood was infectious. When she was happy, and right now she was ecstatic, you couldn't help but to smile.

She led me through their huge sitting room and into the kitchen, which was top of the line of course. Its marble counters were gleaming. I was about to sit down before I caught sight of movement out the back porch.

I didn't know which was worse; Seeing Syaoran's back to me sent a butterfly loose in my stomach, or seeing one of the Li sisters catch sight of me with her dark penetrating eyes. Worse of all, it was Fanran.

Oh please not her.

Out of all the Li sisters I could stand Fanran the least.

She dropped her in depth conversation she seemed to be having with Syaoran and sauntered past him smiling as if she were a lion who caught sight of a trapped mouse. Syaoran turned around to see what caught her interest. His amber eyes located mine and I swear my heart fled to my throat. Whatever moment I thought we were having it was ruined by Fanran bursting through the door she flung her arms out.

"Kinomoto-chan! How lovely to see you." Her tone was borderline sarcasm.

She was wearing a fitted suit beige jacket with a pencil skirt that hugged her perfect hips. She had diamond studded sunglasses (even though it was clod) and about a thousand rings on each finger. As she got closer to me she dropped her hand by her side a she suddenly saw me as a leper. Like she'd hug me anyway.

"Li-san." I replied in a tight voice bowing my head a fraction forward. I may not have liked her but she _was_ a I and some respect had to be shown, even if it was her.

"I could say the same for you; you never visit or call me anymore. You must me so busy though working as an um….oh yes money sucking bitch. How is Frank? " My voice matched her sarcasm. Fanran never worked a day in her life. I was always able to fend myself against Fanran. The key was not to show any reaction or any inclination that she had an effect on you, which was easy to me because to be flank, she was a stuck up bitch. Even Syaoran agrees.

Fanran smirked. Honestly she just enjoys her attempts to anger me. It was rewarding though seeing her lose. It was childish actually considering she was thirty one.

"Frank it super. How's your little art's and crafts job going?" She smiled revealing her brilliant white teeth.

"Oh, he's still alive? You must be so disappointed. My condolences. Hang in there Fanran eventually you'll drive him into the grave." There was joy to see that smirk wipe of her face. Fanran's husband was a seventy something year old billionaire who was due to kick the bucket any day now. The term 'gold digger' goes a long way for Fanran.

She was going to say something before Syaoran entered, "Sit down Fanran and try shutting the fuck up for once."

Syaoran's voice was so full of command that Fanran practically fell into the seat beside her.

I too jumped at his manly presence.

He glared down at Fanran before softening his eyes towards me. He smiled coyly exposing two small minute dimples in his cheeks.

"Sakura, long time no see."

"Yeah." I laughed awkwardly. "Um, congratulations, it's about time you two got married." I directed the last part back to Tomoyo who was now flipping through a magazine.

She looked up at me beaming. "Thanks!"

I did not look at Syaoran who I could tell was still staring at me. My stomach knotted slightly to see Tomoyo glancing to 'Bridal Today' magazine.

It was going to be a long day.

We sat outside for lunch just the four of us. Although why Fanran had to be here is beyond me. I couldn't relax though with Syaoran sitting opposite me. I kept my eyes fixed on my salad.

"I was thinking of a white dress instead of ivory." Tomoyo said out loud.

Fanran snickered. "Really? White?"

"Um… yes." Tomoyo said meekly probably wishing she said nothing.

"But it's such a _virgin _colour and in this day and age who is? No, Tomoyo mother and I have a special dress in mind for you. Something ivory, tainted." Sometimes I wish she would just stop breathing.

Tomoyo blushed and looked down. She held on to the end of Syaoran's T-shirt and Syaoran his hand on hers. I cringed at it. Syaoran looked on as if Fanran said nothing to upset his future wife.

Damn it why does he _never _defend her? For as long as I remember them as a couple Syaoran would allow Tomoyo to become the subject of his family's abuse. Only if it got out of hand did he step in. Tomoyo wasn't a fan of confrontation so naturally she allowed Fanran to boss her around without objection.

I didn't.

"If she wants to wear white, then she'll wear white." I glared at her.

Fanran's eyes grew cold. "Like you'd know anything about fashion, how long have you been sporting that ten year old haircut?"

"Just don't forget its _Tomoyo's _wedding not yours. Don't try and relive the wedding _you _always wanted just because Frank made you wear his third wife's white garbage bag."

"First of all it's called _vintage_ and secondly, I don't think someone like you is in a position to give wedding advice over me."

"Some one like me?" I scoffed. "What's that suppose to mean?" I clenched my fork. Across from me Syaoran whirled his head to Fanran warning her not to speak.

"Someone who has been sporting the single status for quite a while now Ms Kinomoto. Honestly? When was the last time you dated? At least I had men who wanted to take me down the aisle when I was your age despite age! I bet you're still a virgin."

Ouch… that might have stung.

"Be quiet Fanran!" Once again Syaoran silenced her. "Another word from you and I'll personally put you on the next flight back to Hong Kong."

Fanran scoffed pouted like a child. Everyone at the table became silent. I became embarrassed, not only for Fanran but for Tomoyo. Syaoran was so quick to come to my defence yet let Tomoyo defend herself. Tomoyo must have picked up on that too as her hand slipped from under his to play with the ends of her hair.

Awkwardness settled among us until Tomoyo stood up.

"Fanran! Let me give you a tour of the house. You can move your stuff in if you like."

Fanran moving in?

They rose to leave, Syaoran did not look at her as she left.

Trouble in paradise maybe? Or was I just bitterly wishful thinking.

Only when Fanran and Tomoyo left did I realise it was Just Syaoran and I.

Alone.

One again my heartbeat accelerated. We said nothing for a while. It was he who addressed me first.

"I'm sorry about Fanran. If I could, I'd disown her."

I nodded understandingly. I wasn't going to lie, she kinda got to me there.

"You're awfully quiet today Sakura." He commented in a deep voice that actually released butterflies in my stomach.

"I guess I'm still in shock with all the news." I looked up to meet his eyes. "And I guess it's been a while since I seen you last."

It was true, since the sudden tragic death of Syaoran's father; Syaoran was forced to take over all the family business. Since then I seen less and less of him I always wondered how he could have been present in his relationship with Tomoyo.

"I've been at work." He mumbled. "Do you want to take a walk?"

I looked up at him to see him smiling and inclining his head towards the garden.

I know I shouldn't. I should probably head home. I mean it was…..2:30, great.

He watched me intently waiting for my reply.

"…. Sure."

Walking side by side through the huge garden I kept looking back to see if Tomoyo or Fanran were watching. When we were enclosed by oak trees I found I could slightly relax… yet I was on edge…

"So what's with Fanran moving in?" I asked stretching my hand out to stroke the drooping branch of a willow tree.

"Yeah, she kinda just showed up. She claims she wants to get 'closer' to her future sister in law." He scratched the back of his head. Something he did when he was in a situation he had no control over.

He suddenly reminded me of something.

"Why didn't you defend Tomoyo from Fanran? You just sit there and let her take it." My voice bared a tinge of anger.

He crossed his arms across his chest, thus altering the atmosphere around him.

"Tomoyo needs to learn to fend for herself if we're to get married. I can't be there shielding her forever."

"You came to my defence quick enough!" I commented.

I saw his jaw lock as red stained his cheeks slightly. God why am I allowed to speak?

"Yeah but… that's different. Tomoyo, she'll be part of the Li family soon. She needs to develop a back bone. As I said, I can't be there forever."

Syaoran stared up at the willow tree and contemplated. His broad chest rising and falling. It was only then I noticed how much he changed since the last time I seen him. I again stared at my hands and wondered when did I blink and missed the part where Syaoran and I drifted from our friendship that was once so close.

"I'm well able to take on Fanran. I don't need you to help me." I huffed not liking the fact everyone was still treating me like a child.

The corners of his mouth twitched upwards. I assumed he was amused.

"Of course you are. I'll remember that next time." He walked ahead of me stopping inches before a bench placed under a blossom tree. He sat down and relaxed into the seat. I swear he looked like he was in a picture. The scene was so…perfect, idyllic even.

Stop it Sakura. Be guarded with yourself.

Syaoran nodded his head to the empty space beside him motioning me to sit beside him. I didn't, instead I walked up beside the blossom tree beside him. My hand stroked the rough bark as I continued to speak.

"So why did you return early?" I did not look at him as he responded.

"I had business to attend to at home. It couldn't wait."

"Not even after becoming newly engaged? Really? It couldn't wait?" I was not impressed by Syaoran sometimes. I knew how much Tomoyo had always wanted to go to Paris and the proposal I'm guessing was the cherry on top for her. Shame reality had to interfere. When I say reality I mean one thing, the Li business.

"No, it couldn't. Why do you care so much? It doesn't affect you!" he stood up with his fists clenched.

That hurt. Really hurt.

"Everything that happens to Tomoyo affects me! She's my best friend and I won't stand by and watch you be and asshole to her! Put her in front of your fucking business!" Ok, that last part wasn't supposed to come out that way, of that angrily.

For a long while his cold stare locked onto mine. It was intimidating I must admit. Un-tensing his muscles he broke into laughter. I too found myself laughing.

"Sorry. I guess I read into that a little too much. Your business is important."

"Don't be sorry. I guess I could have considered how Tomoyo would have felt." He kicked the grass and dug his hands into his pockets. "You and Tomoyo were always close. I guess when I marry her I might as well be marrying you too." He chuckled lightly.

I smiled and bit my lip. Oh God if only.

I felt an ache in my chest and I feared it would rise to my throat in the form of a sob. I glanced back over my shoulder at the house. It was still but I felt like I was being watched. It felt wrong to be here alone with him.

"You'll make her happy though, won't you?" I asked still watching their house.

"As long as that's what you want." He said.

My eyes widened as his last statement lingered in the air. What the hell was that suppose to mean? My confusion must have been written all over my face as he took a terrifying step forward and placed his hands on my shoulders.

I gasped a little feeling uncomfortable and overwhelmed.

"Sakura, I need to know you're ok with this."

"What?"

"My engagement to Tomoyo, as her most trusted friend I _need _to know that you're happy with this. Otherwise it won't feel right." His eyes were burning so deeply into mine I couldn't make my mouth form words.

"I um… you just said it has nothing to do with me."

Softening his grip and voice he said, "Come on Sakura, you know by now to tell when I'm just bullshiting out of anger. You, me, Tomoyo and Eriol have been best friends for years. You and I possibly the closest."

I blinked twice until by brain decided to work again.

At that moment I could have spilled it all out. Everything. How I felt about him for so long, and how he hurt me. But I didn't.

He only wanted my approval as his _friend_. Not because of a possible outcome on a romantic level if I objected.

Ignoring the ache in my chest I pushed jealousy and resentment from my heart and produced the words that I knew would put his mind to rest.

"Syaoran, I've never been so sure about anything in my life. I want nothing more than for you and Tomoyo to be happy no matter what. You have all my blessings." I smiled widely to mask any give away of the biggest lie to ever leave my lips.

For a moment I thought he looked like I had said the opposite. But that thought was annihilated by the winning smile that controlled his face. He pulled my in for a hug. The strong smell of his aftershave filled my nostrils. This was it. I could do this! Slowly I felt like I was dying inside but to see his happiness, the beautiful smile on his face that only Tomoyo could summon… it was worth it.

I could feel his heartbeat and I wondered if he could feel mine, slowly but surely, breaking.

**Sakura's still a bit depressing at the mo but that'll change :) **

**This chapter isn't particularly great but I'd appreciate some reviews.**

**Thanks!**


	3. An offer

**Author's note; **Just want to say thanks to everyone who reviewed my chapters so far! This is my first ever fanfic so I really appreciate you telling me what you think! Here's another chapter to keep ye going ;) By the way I said in the first chapter Syaoran and Tomoyo were in Austria but I mean to say Paris so soooooory for that :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Syaoran's POV**

Morning rays filtered through the curtains to settle on my eyes, thus awakening me.

Another morning.

For the past few months sleep would not befriend me. Once again I woke up to be curled up on the very edge of the bed away from my fiancée.

Looking over at Tomoyo I saw nothing but a mass of black hair engulf her face exposing her lips. She slept lightly and only then did I notice her hand outstretched onto my chest. I drew circles on her hand lightly as I didn't want her to wake up.

_You don't deserve her. _A voice said in my head. It was true though, I didn't. Tomoyo as long as I known her was a very sweet girl.

Impressionable, but sweet.

The fact was I doubted I could give her what she wants.

_But do you want her?_

Yes of course I do… I think- wait! Of course I do.. don't I? My minds all messed up at the moment.

I sighed. In attempt to direct my thoughts to something else I found myself pondering on the events of yesterday, of _her_. Only when I saw those green eyes did it all come flooding back to me. The reason I bury myself in work, the reason I can't look Tomoyo in the eye for more than a second, the reason I feel guilt. Guilt for something that happened five years ago.

But she said she was ok with it. So why should there be guilt?

"Syaoran, I've never been so sure about anything in my life. I want nothing more than for you and Tomoyo to be happy no matter what. You have all my blessings."

She said with such sincerity, such confidence yet…. There was a hint of… falsity?

I shook my head. No I know Sakura, she's my best friend, well was, I guess we _might_ have drifted apart slightly over the years.

If she were lying I'd know right? Wouldn't I?

I should have called her that night like I planned. The night I proposed to Tomoyo. I wanted to see for myself if Sakura would be ok with it, but I didn't, because I was afraid of what the answer might be. I didn't know what to do if I heard hesitance in her voice. It didn't matter what I _wanted _to do. I did what I had to. It's not that I don't love Tomoyo, I do. Since I proposed I guess I'm just a little confused. It was best to just propose first, consult later.

Tomoyo was wrong though. Sakura wasn't lonely; she had what his face… Reggie? Yeah, that douche-bag pothead from high school. They had a thing. Thank God it ended. I don't know what she saw in him. I guess I didn't like to think about it either.

Do I still have strong feelings for Sakura?... Well I-

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my phone vibrating on my locker.

Swiping it of the locker I groaned when I read the caller ID.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I whispered to myself.

Reluctantly I answered it.

"What?"

"Show some respect for your mother." She snapped down the phone.

"Sorry, what do you want _mother?_"

"It's an improvement." She said in a tight voice. "I'm flying in tomorrow I expect a driver to pick me up around three."

"What!" I said sitting upright. "You said you weren't coming to next week why suddenly now?" My voice rose which cause Tomoyo to turn on her back where she then opened one lazy eye at me. I smiled at her and mouthed "My mother" to her.

She nodded and closed her eyes but I knew she was groaning inside. She feared my mother. She'd host a dinner for the grim reaper over my mother.

"I know that Syaoran! But I want to get re-acquainted with Japan before your engagement party."

"What? We're barely three days engaged! Why now?"

"Don't think of it as an engagement party think of it as a reunion party with my future daughter in law. I'll be hosting the actual engagement party in March. Next weeks too soon for my liking. Honestly did Fanran not go through this with you?"

"No. She didn't." I said through my sawing teeth. I sat on the edge of the bed clutching my hand around the mattress, imagining it was Fanran's neck.

"Getting a little ahead of yourself aren't you mother?" I said bitterly.

"Oh don't get so worked up Syaoran. I haven't seen darling Tomoyo in ages. Your sisters want to meet her again too."

"Do _not _bring them mother." I warned. Tomoyo would freak. Fanran was all she could handle at the moment.

"You're being ridiculous Syaoran. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Isn't it enough you made me go to fucking Paris?" I hissed out of Tomoyo's hearing. "isn't it enough you _bought _the engagement ring for me without even asking me if I were planning on getting married?"

"No need to thank me, goodbye."

She hung up before I could react or object.

God I hate when she does this! Even now when I'm an adult she still feels the need to control everything. Even with her heart condition you'd think she'd ease off. She was a spiteful and manipulative woman who successfully moulded Fanran into a miniature clone of her.

Speaking of my eldest sister….

I paced silently out of the room as to not wake Tomoyo. I waited until I was on the other side of the house before roaring with fury.

"FANRAN!"

"There is no need to shout little brother." She said from the kitchen supping ice tea and intently reading a newspaper.

"What the hell do you think you're doing organising a reunion party with our mother without consulting me?"

She acted as if she didn't hear me for a while before slowly lifting her head. "Oh, did I not mention that? I must have forgotten. Sorry." She oozed sarcasm. "Technically, it was mothers idea I merely assisted her like a good daughter."

I clenched my fists into a ball and took a lot of self control not to put her into a coma.

"Why now? We're just engaged. It's bad enough with you here why does the whole Li family have to be here?"

"You know how much of a socialite our mother is chances are she has a meeting or potential clients. She'll use any excuse to make an occasion out of it." When she saw I was not impressed with her she rolled her sharp eyes and said. "I'll organise everything, my gift to you."

She smiled our mothers smile. Twisted. Even in this semi-kind gesture, she had intentions of her own. I however, had too much to think about to be concerned.

Fanran snapped the newspaper shut and adjusted her dark brown hair into a tight bun.

"I'm bored." She complained, always complaining.

"Then fuck off back to Hong Kong." I spat whilst making my way to the coffee machine.

"You know, I sometimes get the feeling you don't want me around."

"You know what they say, go with your instincts."

Aiming a cold glare at me she stood up to her almost six foot frame and sauntered over to me.

"I want the jeep, give me the keys." She held out her hand waiting.

"No way. Do you even know how to drive?"

"Of course I do!"

When she saw I wasn't going to budge or let her so much as _touch_ my jeep she pushed by me and headed towards the door.

"Fine then, if I can't have the jeep, I guess I'll go give Sakura a little visit. She's a small walking distance from here right?"

My heart beat faster against my ribcage.

"Wait!" Knowing Fanran like I did, she wouldn't hesitate to call into Sakura. "Here." I said throwing her keys to my jeep, my baby. "But leave Sakura alone. If even hear you stopped outside her apartment I'll-"

"Yeah, yeah you'll do something that sounds threatening."

You think she would leave after that, but honestly, this was Fanran. "Still very close to Ms Kinomoto aren't we Syaoran? I'm surprised you even look at the poor girl after mother's warnings. You know how feels about all that. Tell me now, does she know you still keep in contact with that pathetic little-"

"Leave Fanran!" I knew what she was getting at. She was clawing her nails into a wound that was sensitive, and loving it.

Fanran had no real reason to hate Sakura.

It was pathetic really. But to be honest, Fanran was just a snob. She did not to associate herself with people who she considered were not _upper class_. She takes right after our mother.

So in theory, it didn't matter who it was. If you weren't coming into a large amount of fortune, or not already swimming in cash, you were a nobody to her.

But it was the fact that Sakura challenged her, embarrassed and exposed Fanran for what she was, that is what made her _despise _Sakura. Still to this day, she feels she has to take a stab at Sakura at any chance she gets.

Sakura always matched Fanran in the battle of wits however. Sakura was right yesterday, she didn't need my help with Fanran, but I helped her anyway. I couldn't help it; I was on the edge of my seat seeing Sakura upset like that, so I snapped.

"You know, for forty percent of the company you'd never see me again. I could have a pretty little office in Hong Kong. You wouldn't even have to call me, a nice e-mail every now and again would do."

This was a little game Fanran liked to play. She was a bit bitter that our father, on his death bed left me the soul owner of Li enterprise. It was his dying wish. Well technically it was my mother who owned it until I was married. Once I was, then it would be passed onto me.

This pissed Fanran off. I suppose it would if you were the first child and saw everything your parents did be given to the youngest of five.

Fanran turned to leave when she felt she ruined my morning enough.

"One more thing Fanran. I never want to hear you speak to Sakura like you did yesterday understand?"

She smiled wickedly, God I hate when she does that!

"It was innocent chatter Syaoran. Funny though, what concern you have for her when you barely even kiss you future bride. Kind of ironic you left Paris five days earlier for a business meeting that never went ahead to come back to this place where _she_ lives. It almost makes me suspicious. Wouldn't you say Tomoyo?"

I paled while turning towards the door to see Tomoyo standing in her dressing gown looking wide eyed and confused as if being shaken out of a dream.

Shit. How long has she been standing there? Please God say she didn't hear all of that.

Fanran whizzed out the door fast as lightning knowing I would kill her.

I gulped not knowing what to say.

"Morning." She finally said and floated over to the table in a dream like state.

"Um… hi." I hid my embarrassment and flicked through the paper trying to resume normal behaviour. If she was trying to ignore what she heard, I appreciated it.

I didn't hear her approach me but jumped as her arms draped around my arm as she placed her head on my shoulder.

I tensed. I didn't want to, but I did. I couldn't help it, it was just some fucked up reflex I had any time she touched me unexpectedly. I not that I don't like her touching me, I just didn;t like to be touched unexpectedly by anyone.

"Syaoran." She whispered.

"…Yes?"

"I'm worried."

"About what?"

"Sakura."

Again I tensed. It was rare we talked about Sakura when she wasn't here. I could feel my palms getting sweaty. I feared she'd bring it up. The subject we tip toed around for years.

"Why?" I said sipping my coffee trying to hide any reaction.

She said nothing but pulled away from me. For the longest time we just stared at each other. Her small frame looked petite next to mine. Her bottom lip twitched as if her thoughts were desperately trying to speak independently. I was mentally on the edge.

I tried to will some sort of force to make her say what we were both thinking but too afraid to say for so long.

Please, just say it! Open Pandora's box, I dare you!

"I… she's distant." Her voice sounded as if it would break. She's obviously had this on her mind for a while. As did I.

"Why do you think that is?" It was a borderline question with an obvious answer.

Tomoyo put her hands to her cheeks and shook her head.

Just say it….just say it…

"I…I'm being stupid!" she laughed, thus breaking the intense atmosphere. Inside I fumed. But could I blame her? If I wasn't going to say anything, why should she?

"I'm going to see my mother. I'll be back around noon." She leaned up to kiss me quickly before turning to leave me.

Damn it! Would it always be like this? Would our marriage harbour that denial?

No, It wouldn't, I won't let it. Like a child I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand where Tomoyo kissed me.

I tried yesterday with Sakura, and failed. I can't leave it at that.

_You owe her an explanation, _my common sense spat in my head.

I do, and when I eventually man up and get the courage, I'll tell her.

**Sakura's POV**

Ok so… a _lot_ has happened today.

The first, in the form of an e-mail,

_Sakura,_

_Thanks for the feedback on my latest track, I appreciate it._

_Don't worry about me being too lonely out here either; I assure you I'm fine! _

_I heard the news about Syaoran and Tomoyo's engagement, crazy isn't it?_

_I'm flying into Tokyo on Wednesday but unfortunatly won't make it to the party his mother is hosting._

_I was wondering if you could put me up for a night of two? It'd just be temporary until I found a place of my own._

_I guess I'll talk to you soon, sorry about the short notice!_

_Eriol._

"Eeeeeeeeeep!" I squealed for a solid two minutes after reading the e-mail.

Eriol was coming home! For the first time in what seemed like ages I laughed with the giddiness of a ten year old.

Through my mid-squealing, I suddenly froze. Swivelling around on the computer chair to face the screen, I re-opened the e-mail scanning through it quickly.

_I heard the news about Syaoran and Tomoyo's engagement, crazy isn't it?_

He knew. Oh God poor Eriol.

Let me explain, two years ago, Eriol was madly in love with Tomoyo. For while I though the feeling was mutual, obviously I was proven wrong. My instinct told me that Tomoyo definitely had a thing for Eriol. Maybe that was before Syaoran.

He was ok for a while when Syaoran and Tomoyo started dating. In fact, he was relatively normal and seemed fine throughout high school. The breaking point for him was when Tomoyo and Syaoran moved in together.

I found out then, Eriol was not ok with it… he never was.

He snapped.

"I can't do this! I- I just can't be here with _them_! Seeing them every day! Seeing her kiss him.. it's tearing me apart!" he said this over and over again.

I tried to calm him but it proved useless. He couldn't leave! We poured our emotions out to each other! If he left, hat would I do? He couldn't leave!

He did though.

He returned to London, his birthplace where he's now living as a successful musician.

Now he was returning. I wonder if he's changed. We've kept in contact over the past year and a half he's been gone. But there is so much one can hide behind an e-mail or phone call. He seemed a lot better now then he did when he left. He seems to have 'winged himself of the drug' as he says.

Is he over Tomoyo now? God I admired him. He had the courage to walk away for her to be happy. Instead of staying and silently wishing like a spy. I wish I had the courage to do that.

Re-reading the e-mail something finally clicked.

Wednesday? That's tomorrow! My head was still not properly screwed on, I was not with it.

As I said, a lot happened today.

The second thing came in the form of a phone call.

"Hello?" I said this morning at about six thirty as I was just about to leave for work. The plan was too work till half two that day and make it over to Tomoyo's for three for this party thing. Honestly I didn't want to go but Tomoyo was making me. She claimed meeting the whole Li family in one go was too nerve-wracking.

"Kinomoto-chan. It's Nakamura."

"Nakamura-san!" I said down the phone to my boss. "I'm not late am I? I'm just on my way-"

"No no. Um look Kinomoto-san I have to let you go."

"…What?" My voice dropped.

"Yeah, we're getting new more… how do I put it….more experienced people for the project in and there's simply no more room for you. But hey keep your head up kiddo. You're a damn good worker. You'll find work soon enough."

"Whoa wait I'm fired? Shouldn't I get some sort of notice?"

I found myself speaking into a dead phone line.

I'm jobless? Just like that?

… Fuck

So far the two events have cancelled each other out. Whether to feel ecstatic for Eriol returning or defeat for my now unemployment I don't know. I wasn't even fired for being shit at my job! It was the fact I was to inexperienced in comparison to these_ new people. _

I flopped back onto my bed unable too process my events so far.

I guess its job hunting from tomorrow on…..

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was four o'clock by the time I pulled up at Tomoyo's house.

I squeezed my Toyota (Graciously given to me second hand on my eighteenth birthday by Toya) in between what I recognised was Yelen Li's Black Mercedes and Fanran's. I might have purposely parked a little too close to Fanran thus blocking her exit but…. Ah well.

I could hear a good few voices mumbled from inside the house.

Stepping out of the car (which was a tight squeeze) I walked up to the door. I was too busy pondering in my own thoughts I didn't even notice Syaoran sitting by himself on the bench outside on the porch. He had his head buried in his hands with his fingers almost lost in his thick hair.

I thought of just ignoring him and going inside but he looked so down I had to say something.

"Hi." I said trying to catch his attention.

I startled him as he jumped and smiled meekly. He looked tired.

"Hey," The voices inside grew louder. Both Syaoran and I looked in the direction of the voices. They were all female, poor Syaoran.

"You're very brave to venture out here. Do you know who's here?" He smirked. I knew who he was referring to.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Tomoyo didn't want to re-face your sisters again… alone anyway."

He nodded understanding. God he looked so tired.

"What's wrong?" He asked sympathetically. Possibly picking up on my downer from earlier.

"Oh… nothing." I went to go inside but Fanran's nasally laugh stopped my feet from moving.

Maybe it was just my lack of determination to face them all, or my lack of sleep that possessed me to willingly sit beside him.

There was a serene atmosphere out here. A cool breeze lifted my fringe from my eyes.

"I got fired." I said relieved to spill it out.

"What?" Syaoran snapped out of his lazy posture and sat upright.

"Yeah, I'm not experienced enough for the project we were doing."

"That's bullshit. You're as good as anyone!" Syaoran seemed to generally be as annoyed as I was.

"Thanks Syaoran." I looked at him and only then realised we were sitting quite close. To be fair, it was a small bench.

Our shoulders brushed lightly which caused some goose bumps to appear on my arm. The view was quite amazing. Tall blossom trees stood tall with their branches intertwining into each other. Their pinkness glowed under the greyness of the never ending overcast.

"I should probably go in now." I commented getting too comfortable where I was.

"I should too. I left when the discussion of the floral detail for the wedding got too intense. Tomoyo's mom is no help either. If anything she's encouraging my mother's bossiness."

"You should stick by Tomoyo. How do you think she's coping with your family when your not."

I saw him chuckle silently not picking up on my serious tone. "I guess you're right."

Silence again.

He walked to the edge of the porch with his arms crossed. His tight t-shirt defined his muscled.

"You know Sakura… Tomoyo and I are building another wing to the house. I haven't hired anyone yet to design the west wing…. If you're unemployed at the moment… would you consider maybe..."

I gulped.

I knew what he was getting at. But could I do that? Could I really involve myself in what would be a huge part of _their _future?

Nervously I braved to look at him and as I feared he was looking down at me intently.

Our faces were inches apart and I caught my breath.

"Syaoran I… I don't know." It was so hard to break contact.

"Why not?" He questioned. His eyes seeming to burn into mine.

"B-because…" I didn't know how to reject him kindly. "I-I don't want to impose on something that's special to you and Tomoyo."

"You would be imposing on nothing. Besides I'd rather you than a stranger." He smiled revealing his pearly teeth.

God he was making this difficult. The better part of me wanted to say no and to keep my distance from him. Yet another part of me leaped to say yes.

It wasn't so bad was it? I mean, it's just like working….in the soon to be house of the man I might still have feelings for… Where's Eriol when you need him?

"Please say yes." He said after I hesitated. Worry almost creeping into his eyes.

"…Yes." It was barely a whisper.

The smile that came on his face was heart warming and I had to look away for fear he would see me blushing.

"Can I ask you one more thing? It's kind of important and…I could only ask it of you." This time he did not look at me but out to the garden. My pulse quickened. The softness of his voice worried me.

"What's wrong Syao-"

"Syaoran!" Tomoyo emerged out to the porch. She was frazzled and wide eyed and looked ready to cry.

"What's wrong Tomoyo?" Syaoran said standing up.

Tomoyo picked at the end of her hair. Something she did when she was nervous…..

"Um… they're talking about me wearing your grandmothers wedding dress… and they want fish for the wedding dinner and…. I'm allergic and all…And Fanran said you and I are moving to Shanghai…Are we? Cause I-I don't think I can get a job there an-" Her voice shook to the point I could barely make out what she said. She was getting over whelmed.

Syaoran sighed and whispered, "We'll talk later. Tomoyo, Fanran's just winding you up." He walked over to Tomoyo and put a protective arm around her and whispered something comforting into her ear which make her smile nervously and nod.

I clenched the end of my skirt and looked away. My teeth automatically grinded together. I side glanced at them seeing him kiss her forehead softly and stroke her arm with his hand. My stomach knotted slightly. A familiar emotion of jealousy took over me briefly.

"Sakura, I'm glad you came!" Tomoyo said suddenly noticing me.

"Well you did ask me." I said in a way that made her flinch. Even I didn't like how that came out.

"Oh… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you come." She sounded hurt.

"Sorry Tomoyo. I got fired today… I guess I'm just pissy." I crossed my arms across my chest as if to conceal any upset vibes I could be sending.

"Oh Sakura I'm so sorry. You should have said so."

"It's ok, besides Syaoran offered me a job." I looked at Syaoran who perked up.

Tomoyo looked at him confused which made him explain.

"it makes sense don't you think?" He finished.

For a while Tomoyo said nothing but merely kept a slight frown on her face. I felt my palms go sweaty. I got the feeling she wasn't so keen on the idea.

"That's perfect! You can start Monday!" She gushed.

Our conversation was stopped when the familiar voice of Yelen Li summoned us inside.

"Kinomoto-san!" Yelen said as I walked in behind Tomoyo, who I noticed was clutching onto Syaoran's arm like a child facing a pack of wolves.

"Li-san." I bowed slightly at the beautiful woman sitting at the very top of the long table, asserting her dominance. Next to her was Sonomi Daidouji, Tomoyo's mother. As usual she was sucking up to Yelen. Nothing less from Sonomi, even if she was my aunt.

"How nice to see you again." I said trying to make it sound sincere.

"You too I suppose. Even though this was a _family _occasion only."

Ooooh straight to the insults are we Yelen? To her right Fanran snickered and then whispered something to Sheifa, (the second oldest sister) which made them both giggle. Feimei sat staring blankly at the opposite wall probably wishing she was at a nightclub considering she was the wild one of the sisters.

I said nothing reminding myself Yelen was _not _Fanran and also one of the most important women in China therefore I could not answer back. Besides, I was outnumbered.

She smiled a tight smile. As much as I dislike the women I had to admit she was stunning. Even her four daughters (Who were all staring at me by the way) were outshined by Yelen. She could have fooled anyone into thinking she was Syaoran's sister with her wrinkle-less complexion and grey-less mahogany hair.

"It's nice to see you've grown into those ears too." She commented to me before resuming her previous conversation with Sonomi.

Great… it's going to be a long day.

It was ten o'clock when I returned home.

I wanted to leave earlier but Tomoyo begged me with her eyes to stay. It wasn't just her, it was Syaoran too. Every now and again we'd make eye contact and I could tell it was not my time to leave. He sat across from me and even though I didn't speak directly to him, his presence was always there.

He never got to ask that favour. To be honest he never got a chance. The whole evening was consumed by Yelen's voice and the odd input of either the Li sisters or Sonomi. I made light conversation with Fuutie who was only three years older than me. She was an awfully shy and timid girl who seemed constantly uncomfortable around people so the fact she talked to me was nice. She hesitated and held back too much conversation due to the watchful eye of Yelen who made it quite obvious she didn't want me there.

Syaoran tried though only because of my hinting glares in his direction. He failed miserably against Yelen though. Not even Sonomi dared question Yelen with the involvement of Tomoyo's wedding. She just nodded with admiration for Yelen. Why she's always taking a liking to Yelen I'll never know.

Tomoyo made no effort to object to any of Yelen's plans for the wedding. She simply picked at the ends of her hair and twirled her wedding ring.

God did it have to be so fricking big? You could probably see that thing from outer space!

Anyway it wasn't all so bad, a few unnecessary insults casually aimed at me but nothing I couldn't handle. Tomoyo thanked me too many times for the moral support and Syaoran just nodded as I departed.

Wrapped up in my own thoughts I entered my apartment block and stopped at the twelfth floor.

As I entered the hallway I stopped in my tracks.

Two brown leather suitcases were stacked on top of each other outside my door, and on them sat a man with a pair of slim black glasses which matched his thick black hair. He sat hunched over with his hands cupping his face and stared at the floor possibly daydreaming.

"ERIOL!" I screamed loud enough to shake angels of clouds.

Sleepily looked in my direction and smiled a familiar wide smile.

Once again I reverted back to my child like form and ran into his now open arms.

"I can't believe you're here!" I shouted with excitement wrapping my small arms around his neck.

He laughed lightly.

"Well this is a nice welcome back." His voice was the same with a hint of his English accent coming through. He squeezed me tighter and buried his head into my hair.

He even smelled the same I noticed after inhaling his scent. I pulled away from him to look into his sapphire eyes which were never short of kindness.

"But I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow. Don't get me wrong I mean I'm so glad to see you." I couldn't stop the questions that rolled off my tongue but he just laughed and took it all in.

"I'll explain everything if you'd be so kind as to put me up for the night,"

"Of course!" I said with enthusiasm.

"I've missed you so much Sakura. It's been too long."

My eyes welled up and I hugged him again unable to hold back from crying. I couldn't explain it butjust knew, a ray of sunshine just broke through the thick clouds of my life.

Eriol, one of my best friends, my confidant…. And he was here.

**Yaaaaaaay Eriol's back! **

**Again thanks everyone for the reviews I really appreciate them! I'm trying to update as many chapters as I can before September because I'll be entering my final exam year of Secondary school.**

**I feel bad getting Sakura fired from her dream job but just rememberrrr…..everything happens for a reason! :D**

**My next update will be soon :)**


	4. A Reflection

**Author's note: **I just want to say that I would NEVER purposely or intentionally copy someone else's fan fiction and I am terribly sorry if my storyline resembles someone else's! :( This is only the fourth chapter in this story so I hope you will all give it a chance to develop as I have still some of the plot to expand. I appreciate every single review though and I hope you all will keep reading! :D

**Tomoyo's POV**

_Flashback_

_It was a peaceful August afternoon when I walked home from my cousin Sakura's house._

_Sakura's mood had affected me in a way that kept me smiling so much the fact that stormy weather was threatening didn't even bother me. _

_Our house rested upon a hill and towered three stories tall. As I made my way up the drive way I pondered on the thought of Sakura and Syaoran. _

_My heart went out to her and I only cursed my inexperience with boys as I proved to be no help to her. All I could do was gush and offer my full support and encouragement to her. She was so lucky, to be kissed by Syaoran Li, I wasn't jealous. I may have had a thing for him but hey, every girl in Tomoeda has a thing for Syaoran. Of course now that I have come to realise my friends crush on him, he was completely hands off for me. I didn't mind at all because I doubt I ever would have tried anything with him. It was inevitable that Sakura and Syaoran would end up together. They were perfect for each other. Like ying and yang._

_My brain independently pondered on the thoughts of myself and Eriol. A friend of mine I've admired for a long time now. I always wondered if our friendship would resolve into mature feeling on some other level._

_I shook my head. My mother would never allow that. A girl can dream though can't she?_

_Upon entering my house my mother was talking at rapid speed into the phone and by the way she was waving her hand around and laughing that annoyingly fake laugh I could tell she was speaking to Yelen Li. _

"_You're so right Yelen, I said the exact same and- oh of course." She agreed to whatever Yelen said._

_I rolled my eyes half ashamed at my mother. She harboured no embarrassment for any of her actions. Although it was because of her and Yelen's friendship Syaoran and I know each other. And from that I introduced him to Sakura. For that I'm thankful of my mother's unhealthy obsession with the Li's._

_I started for the stairs to unpack when my mother snapped her fingers at me and pointed the armchair as to signal me to stay here, a stern look consuming her face briefly._

_I feared I did something wrong. With my mother it seemed I was constantly doing something wrong whether it was not looking polished enough for school or not winning enough awards or even for not thinking about my future too much._

_She paced around the room in her black work suit intently listening into the phone. I sat obediently crossing my ankles in the lady-like manner my mother would approve of._

"_Of course Yelen! Tomoyo and I will be there. Thank you again Yelen we would both be privileged to do so." _

_Again she spoke on my behalf, a habit she liked to do which, after sixteen years I suppose I didn't care anymore._

"_Oh Yelen where were you earlier in my life?" My mother laughed. "You have it all sorted out and really," She put her hand to her heart as if Yelen was in the very room watching for a genuine reaction from my mother. "I am so honoured you considered Tomoyo and so is she. It's a perfect plan."_

_Plan? I groaned inside thinking all sorts. When my mother planned something with Yelen it was usually a pathetic attempt for my mother to up her social standing._

_Mother called herself a socialite, I called her a parasite._

_A parasite that latched onto the wealthy. _

_Once hanging up she punched the air with both hands and shouted "Yes!"_

_Turning to me she leaped across the room and fell to her knees as she reached me._

"_Tomoyo," She said with her lavender eyes gleaming with mischief. "You are blessed to have a mother like me!" She grinned and looked as if she would explode if she contained herself any longer._

"_What's happened mother? Are we having dinner with the Li's again?"_

"_Not just dinner my dear Tomoyo." She squeezed my hands. "It's __thee__ dinner."_

"_Thee Dinner?"_

_Her thumb stroked my hand as she smiled gingerly._

"_Tomoyo… wouldn't it be marvellous if I said that in the near future you could possibly become the future Mrs Syaoran Li?" _

_For a minute I couldn't process what she meant but when it sank in I felt myself go pale._

"_What? You can't possibly mean that….you want me to- I mean, you set me up with Syaoran?"_

_She must have taken my tone as one of shock and excitement rather than horror. _

"_Yes! Don't thank me yet Tomoyo you have to impress Yelen first but we've been having brunch with them for so many years you practically have it! You'll be set for life."_

_I snatched my hands from hers and stood up._

"_You can't do that!" I fumed. "I'm not an object to be inspected then purchased! I'll decide who I'll be with and not you! Besides I don't even like Syaoran and he doesn't like me, he likes Sakura! I could never do something like that to her." I was raging my mother had plotted this all up, in fact I bet she was planning this for quite some time. _

_My mother grew up very poor with hardly a penny to her name. So when she met my father she was determined not to ever go back to poverty. She was still starved for money even though we had more than enough. She wanted to be Li rich and so she was using me. I wouldn't allow that,_

_However her whole posture changed. She stiffened as she stood up and walked across the room in threatening strides stopping a foot away from me._

"_First of all Tomoyo, Syaoran is quite fond of you. Secondly you will do as you're damn well told. Never forget everything I do is to secure your future. You think I enjoy licking Yelen Li's ass twenty four seven? No! But why do I do it? Because that stupid stuck up bitch can give you things your father and I can never give you. Thirdly, don't' you __ever__ let Nadeshiko's little brat interfere with you're future. She's messed up too many things for us already."_

_I was in shock. Mother has never spoken that way about aunt Nadeshiko. When she was alive my mother and her were competitive, and Sakura and I were the main weapons, I always thought the competitive streak had died the day Nadeshiko did. But even now my mother was still trying to compete with her beyond the grave. _

"_Mother…. I can't do what you're asking me to do." For the first time I picked vigorously at the ends of my hair._

"_I mean, Sakura really likes Syaoran. She has for years… he kissed her… she's my best friend I-I, please don't make me do this. Besides… I think I like… someone else." I fidgeted trying to get her to realise the scenario. _

"_That Fucking piano boy? Get that stupid fucking notion out of your head Tomoyo because I will not see my daughter marry a musician." She said musician as if were a foul word. My heart sank a little. I didn't know how I felt about Eriol but my mother stamped out any notion of me ever thinking about being with him on another level._

"_I'm not planning on marrying him mother, I just said I think I like him-"_

"_Well don't. I never had time for musicians and never will. Besides, there's something about the boy I don't like." She dismissed Eriol and went back to the previous conversation._

"_Oh Tomoyo," She said grabbing my shoulders lightly and leading me towards the open fireplace. She placed me in the chair and sat opposite me holding on tightly to my fingers._

_"Syaoran doesn't like Sakura. Yelen explained he was confused. He was confused, in denial is how he put it."_

"_Denial about what?"_

"_Isn't it obvious? Denial about his feelings for you. You can be so naïve sometimes sweet heart. Who do you think insists you accompany me to their occasions and lunches?"_

"_You?" I said starting to doubt myself._

"_No! It was Syaoran; it was always Syaoran who insisted you were there." My mother said this with such determination I felt myself become swayed. _

"_If he had feelings for Sakura, then why is it she's never at any of their parties, or lunches? He may have kissed her, it was wrong to mess with her feelings and I know you care about Sakura but is her silly little crush over him going to stop you from responding to Syaoran? He is a handsome boy Tomoyo, and he wants you." _

_My mother went on to explain that Syaoran was too shy to admit he had feelings for me. Kissing Sakura was merely a way to confirm he wanted me. It was cruel and apparently he's admitted that to Yelen. I didn't want to believe it. _

_At that moment I didn't know what to believe. Syaoran and I have been friends for years. Is it possible that I've grown on him? _

"_Just come to dinner with me Tomoyo, you'll see for yourself. I promise."_

_I went for dinner. It felt like an outer body experience. _

_Syaoran sat beside me and showered compliments one after another to me. Swayed by my mother from earlier I responded to his flirtatious behaviour. It was difficult to stomach the guilt I felt the whole evening. I felt like the biggest bitch on all of Japan. I was some friend. Only that night did I realise how handsome Syaoran really was. I looked at him as more than my childhood friend. _

_The boy I knew as stand offish, moody and temperamental had vanished and left behind this charming different person. He was sweet in every way a girl would hope for. I liked him more and more as the night passed and by the time we were driving home I was smitten. It was awful to have suddenly sprouted these feelings for him. But going by his approach to me tonight, my mother was right. But why now? Why start liking me now?_

_Something was off with the whole thing._

_My mother bombarded me with questions. She examined me for my response. _

"_You maybe right mother. Syaoran does seem to like me… a lot. And he's changed but I'm still confused. I know you're doing all this for me and I really am thankful but mother… I can't physically hurt Sakura by starting a relationship with him."_

_My mother slapped me so hard I thought I would surely fall into a coma._

"_I REFUSE to let Nadeshiko's bastard ruin this for us! You've seen it for yourself Tomoyo! You've seen the riches of the Li's! You've seen what could one day be yours! And you'll pass that up so Sakura can have her pathetic little crush! I will NOT allow it!"_

"_Stop it! Don't talk about her like that mom she's your niece!"_

"_I couldn't give a shit! For God sake Tomoyo she excels you in so many ways are you going to let her take this from you too?" My mother raged._

_She twisted a metaphorical knife into my chest. She was right in the sense that Sakura was better than me in so many ways. She was prettier than me, she had more friends, more successes, everyone loved her and I admit to feeling bitter and jealous of her but nevertheless I managed to overlook it._

"_You're Fathers Company is slowly falling into the shitter Tomoyo/ Any day now the stock could plummet and I'm not going to watch you live your adult life in poverty because Sakura doesn't get what she wants. You have to sacrifice certain things Tomoyo for Gods sake!"_

_I felt my world come to a halt. Did I have feelings for Syaoran? I did now. They were small, but there was room for them to develop. After tonight I was certainly interested in him. By the way he spoke to me I started to think maybe it was true. Maybe he did like me. _

_Was she right? Was I giving away the chance of a good life for another thing Sakura could have._

_I was tired of always being second best to her even in my mother's eyes. All I wanted to do was to make my mother proud of me, to love me and not see me as a failure I sometimes felt next to Sakura. Could I do that to her though? Would she do that to me?_

_Never._

_Standing up I faced my mother with an attitude very different from earlier. A more understanding one._

"_Ok mother. If you think it's for the best. I will… not shy away from Syaoran's feelings."_

_I never saw my mother smile so much in all her life. I felt warmth as she bestowed one of her rare hugs onto me. I was doing what she wanted. It made her happy, that's all I wanted._

_It would hurt Sakura in more ways than one. But if Syaoran really didn't like her… then I was doing nothing wrong right? She would get over it right? She can't miss what she never had. _

_End of Flashback_

I saw Syaoran every day after that night. I can not speak on behalf of Syaoran but I started to develop deeper feelings fir him. I never planned to, but I did.

Sakura took it so hard. After she saw me outside the school gates kissing Syaoran she did not speak to me for a solid six weeks after that. It stung to see her emerald eyes snub and shun me everyday. She made no attempt to speak to me and avoided any contact with both Syaoran and I. It hurt so much I considered breaking it off with Syaoran for good. But every time I tried I would get distracted by his beautiful smile or his gleaming eyes and I coward away.

We'd have our rough patched like normal couples of course. Sometimes he'd show me no love for weeks on end, he'd bury himself in work to the point it felt like I didn't see him at all. But when he showed the kindest touch…it was all worth it. My mother and I became closer than ever and I felt like I was making her proud.

Sacrificing my friendship was almost worth the reward I'd get.

I nagged at her so many times I and made so many flimsy un-heartfelt apologies I think she only started speaking to me again to for fear I'd go to extreme measures.

It wasn't the same though. Our friendship had been shook to a level that could not recover fully. I was in denial of course. How Sakura can even look at me I don't know. I deserved a lot worse. I tried hard in other ways to redeem our friendship in ways that didn't involve Syaoran. Slowly we were getting back to the way we were. Syaoran and Sakura's relationship was never as close and I suppose that comes back to trust. He _did _break her heart and so she had a right to be wary of him. But if he never liked her in the first place, I wasn't doing anything _awfully_ wrong.

I never expected to go to the same college as Syaoran, nor did I predict myself moving in with him, you may be shocked to hear I never expected to be engaged to him, of to fall so deeply in love with him. Once I never considered us to go beyond friendship but I fell for him hard over the past few years.

I thought I'd have to force myself to love him…. But that just came naturally. I loved him, and I didn't want to let him go for fear of the consequences.

The rest is history.

It was too late to bring up the past. Too late to properly apologise to Sakura. My poor friend never even received an explanation as to why I did what I did. To be honest I still can't understand fully myself either.

So there you have it.

The pathetic story of how Tomoyo Daidouji betrayed her best friend in pursuit of her own happiness. Do I hate myself? Yes. I sometimes wonder if Syaoran ever thinks about this. I never found out what possessed him to take a liking to me. He hurt my best friend but then again, so did I. To lose sakura completely would kill me, If it still hurt her to see Syaoran and I now, she never showed it. I needed her though. Only she could be my moral support.

Throughout our relationship Syaoran and I avoided the subject. As I said, too much time has passed to bring anything up. It hurt, but after all these years I've learned to block out the guilt, to mentally block remorse for Sakura by insisting to myself nothing would have come of her and Syaoran. It's funny, how your conscious can diminish into an ignorable white noise when you ignore it long enough.

I prayed with all my heart that in being with Syaoran, I have not upset something beautiful that could have been.

I sat on my bed planning Sakura's twenty third birthday, when my phone vibrated.

_I'm back in Japan. Want to see you very soon._

_Eriol._

I clutched the phone in my hand.

Eriol… that was another story.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Sakura's POV**

The sound of my phone ringing harshly woke me out of my sleep.

"Hello?"

"Morning monster, I heard you got fired."

I moaned making sure Toya heard my distaste of the subject.

"First of all I believe the term is 'let go' not fired. Secondly, that was almost a week ago, you're only hearing about it now?"

"Yeah work has been insane lately. Dad called me to let me know. I thought you would have told me!" He huffed down the phone.

"It's not something like talking about."

"Well send me your résumé and I'll forward it to some guys I know."

"Thanks Toya, I'm… not exactly jobless at the moment though."

I explained what I was doing for Tomoyo and Syaoran.

"…I don't approve Sakura. But I know you'll do what you want anyway." He huffed again.

"It's just a pre wedding gift. Nothing more Toya." I assured.

"Fine, just don't let that little punk push you around or anything ok?"

"Sure," I said rolling my eyes. "I'll e-mail my resume after lunch or something." I wasn't expecting anything because Toya was not in the architectural field, but he had connections I suppose.

After hanging up I flopped back onto my pillow trying to fall back to sleep.

Again my phone buzzed.

_Happy Birthday Saks from your favourite drinking buddy,_

_Reggie._

As usual Reggie wishes me a happy birthday a week early. I don't know whether he generally forgets my birthday's February twelfth of maybe he's just single again. He usually texts me when he gets dumped.

I didn't reply… I never reply. He wasn't a terribly bad guy I just wasn't interested. Besides, I haven't spoken to him in almost a year.

Oh well.

It was only when I heard the sound of pots and pans moving around I snapped open my eyes and grinned.

Eriol was always an early riser.

"Morning!" I said as I descended into the kitchen.

Eriol smirked over his shoulder, "And the same to you Ms Kinomoto."

I plonked myself down on the kitchen stool and laughed to myself. It was the first time since I moved in that someone other than I was making breakfast.

He whistled while he cooked and the whole apartment seemed to be filled with new life. It felt warmer, not so empty even though it was only us two.

"Jet lag?" I asked pulling out the newspaper to examine the headlines.

"Nope." He said producing scrambled eggs and toast.

"You don't have to cook for me Eriol."

"It's the least I can do considering your putting me up until I get a place of my own."

"I don't mind! In fact I insist on it! It gets pretty lonely here anyway." I confessed whilst digging into breakfast.

"Well I appreciate it."

It was as if the last year and a half had never happened, as if Eriol never left. I don't remember the last time I had such a natural conversation. Talking to Eriol had a calming effect on me. My personal psychiatrist you could say.

"You seem a lot…. At ease, than the last time I seen you." I picked at my food hoping I didn't step in deep waters too close too his arrival.

His blue eyes darkened and I could see he was thinking deeply on our past encounter before he left.

"I'm better now. You seen me at my worst, I'm sorry for that. You didn't deserve the abuse I gave you." He looked down almost ashamed and I placed my hand reassuringly on his.

"It wasn't abuse Eriol. You said it like it was. You were right anyway. I should have left when you did; staying here didn't do any good. I admire you for leaving."

"Well don't." His voice deepened as he retrieved his hand from under mine. "It was a cowardly thing to do. Up and leave without even telling Syaoran. I'm ashamed of myself." I hated when he said that. Regardless of what he said, he wasn't a coward. He was brave.

"Thank you for your concern though."

We resumed talking about the weather in Tokyo until I dared another question.

"So what do you think? About the whole engagement, I mean." I tried to say it in a casual way but Eriol was too smart to overlook it.

He rested his head on his fist and contemplated while looking up at my ceiling. He had funny habits like that.

"… I don't know yet."

"Yet?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," He said still admiring my ceiling. "We'll see. It'll be interesting to see how this all turns out." He shot his eyes at me.

Peculiar as usual, Eriol liked to live in riddles and enigmas. I didn't know how to reply to that but I found myself smiling.

"So what are your plans for today?"

"I think I might go see Tomoyo."

I dropped the fork out of my hands and didn't hide the fact my jaw dropped. He said it so naturally, so blunt.

"Um.. s-so s-soon?"

"I want to give her my congratulations. Both of them. You start work today don't you? Syaoran will probably be there so I guess I'll talk to Tomoyo." He shrugged and went to wash the dishes.

"So um, does this mean that… you're completely over Tomoyo?" I moved nervously in my seat not knowing what he would say.

I saw his shoulders tense then relax. The apartment suddenly seemed claustrophobic. The question floated in the air and I held my breath for the answer.

"Are you completely over Syaoran?"

My lips snapped into a tight line. I guess I walked into that one. I didn't know how to answer that, I guess he didn't either.

Fair enough.

Answering a question with a question… he hasn't changed.

"Don't you start work today?" He said glancing at the clock moving of the subject quickly.

I shuddered. _Work_. Eriol seemed to take my new _job_ quite well actually. I expected him to be like 'Is that such a good idea Kura?' or the whole 'don't walk into a situation that will put you in emotional distress' or something along the lines of that.

"Yeah, I'm soooo exited." I said sarcastically while pulling on my jacket.

"Have fun. Oh and Sakura?"

"Yeah?" My hand rested on the door handle.

"Be careful ok?" There it was.

His eyes were full of warning. A warning to keep my guard up.

"Same to you. Also…. If you do see Tomoyo…" I hesitated.

"I'll be fine." He assured. "Just fine."

**Syaoran's POV**

When Tomoyo left for work I made my way up to the attic.

Climbing up the ladder I hoisted myself up into the dingy blackness and switched on a miserable light.

I sighed, I doubt Tomoyo even knows about there is an attic.

Now where did I put it? Pulling apart everything it was no where to be found. Checking one more time in the far right corner I found it sitting cosily among Christmas decorations. I ran my finger along the dusty edge and pondered on whether to open it again. A sharp piece of brown paper jutted out from the seal of the box.

It was the letter.

I can remember exactly what's inside it. A catalyst to my life.

Did I want to be reminded of its' contents? No. It was best left alone for now.

I threw a small blanket over it, mentally shielding things I didn't want to remember from childhood.

I sealed the attic door and made my way to the car. Sakura was starting to work on the house today and I didn't want to keep her waiting. I had a plan in mind I must confess, an ulterior motive. I didn't know where this plan was going but nevertheless it was something.

As I walked through the entrance of the kitchen I was stopped by a sharp voice.

"Where are you going?"

I turned around to see my mother sitting at the top of the table filing her sharp nails. Why is there always someone new in the house?

"To the house… Sakura's doing up plans to convert some of it."

Her eyes turned sharp.

"I was never told about this."

"First of all, I don't have to inform you about every aspect of my life, secondly Sakura is a good architect and thirdly, why are you here?"

"I'm meeting a client and thought I'd stop by to speak with Tomoyo."

"Speak with Tomoyo? Why?" I said curiously.

"It has occurred to me after our last meeting that Tomoyo has perceived me the wrong way."

"Oh? And how would that be? Maybe the fact you couldn't care less about her?" I scoffed.

"That's not true! If it were then I never would have allowed you to be with her. I would have stopped that years ago."

She has that right anyway.

"I need to talk to her and make it clear that when she becomes part of this family she must think and act like a Li. The child has no back bone, she takes everything Fanran and I say too seriously and I can't have it! The only way for that to happen is if I take her under my wing like I did my girls. She thinks I hate her and that's not true, she is a charming girl I just despise her lack of… Li-ness."

Li-ness?

I shuddered. Images of being married to someone who resembled Fanran or Sheifa was a sickening thought.

"Well she's at work and she won't be home till late."

"Then I'll come back tomorrow evening. Now if you will excuse me." I said turning towards the door.

"What's that in your hands?" She said eyeing up the box in my hands.

"Nothing. Just colour schemes for the house Tomoyo choose." I lied.

"You're father would not approve of you disobeying me. And he would not have approved of this whole situation. If you consulted me first I would have supplied you with a perfectly good _experienced_ architect."

"Sakura is just as good as anyone and I'll hire whoever I fucking want to!" I snapped becoming sick of everyone lately.

She stood up and slammed her cup down onto the table.

"Don't you DARE speak to me that way Sy-" She stopped mid sentence.

Her reft hand suddenly flew to her heart and for a moment... she didn't move a fraction.

Oh shit! shit, shit, shit no!

As I feared she fell back into her chair breathing hevily, rushed. I ran to her side holding her handd. Her coughs became semi-violent and I rooted like a mad man around her purse until I found an inhaler.

"Just relax and breath." I said placing the inhaler into her mouth. "I'll call a doc-"

"I'm fine!" She said in a calmer tone. She slowly sat up and breathed deeply until her iron grip on my arm easing of. "I'm stressed. A minor ashtma attack, nothing more."

I sat down and calmed my racing heart. That was close. Too close. I shouldn't have snapped like that.

Despise her apperance, she had a very weak heart. She suffered two heart attacks and a stroke in the past two years alone.

"Look, maybe you should skip this meeting." I suggested.

"I'm fine, and tell no one about this!" She warned. She hated admitting this weakness.

"I'll say nothing." said throught my clentched jaw.

She proceeded outside to her chauffer. Before getting into the car she turned to me.

She masked her eyes behind black diamond studded sunglasses but I just knew she was scowling.

I waited until her black limo slid down the hill like a snake until it disappeared out the gates.

"That was close." I said to myself. At least she was with people all day today so if anything happened she would not be alone. That woman would never let anything cripple her.

Sighing loudly I gently placed the box in the back seat and started the car. I suddenly thought of her offer with Tomoyo. She was right though, if she disliked Tomoyo then she wouldn't have approved of our friendship to begin with. Just like she disapproved of Sakura's friendship with me.

Looking at my watch I saw I was late and just hoped Sakura was still there.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I stood waiting for Syaoran to arrive. Behind me stood the in process production of Tomoyo and Syaoran's house.

The building was laced with scaffolding and all around me was covered in sand hills and garbage skips.

It was five minutes passed. He was five minutes late and with every second that passed by I felt like leaving.

A cold breeze blew through me and I shuddered. The house was not complete but from what I saw it certainly didn't need a west wing. In fact, I felt like I was only contributing to a waste of money.

I heard the low rumble of Syaoran's jeep as it crept up the hill.

He killed the engine a few meters from me.

I tapped my foot to show my obvious impatience.

"Hey sorry I got caught up." He said while taking a box of stuff out of the boot.

"It's ok I mean, I got all day just to wait for you- Hey where's Tomoyo?" I questioned as he walked up beside me carrying a cardboard box with a lilac blanket mysteriously hiding its' contents.

"She's working."

I completely forgot about Tomoyo's work at a fashion magazine. She was and editor and so a majority of her time was consumed by work.

"So it's just us then?" I thought aloud.

"Yeah, that doesn't bother you does it?" he said jokingly while playfully nudging me.

"If you don't get in my way there shouldn't be a problem." I said casually walking ahead of him with his laugh echoing behind me.

The inside was much bigger than it looked from the outside. I gawked at the massive stairway which split on the second floor into two opposite directions. Looking up I saw the roof was almost finished but bits of plaster still often drizzled down on us.

"Syaoran, this place is so big, why do you need any more work done on it?" I said still gawking.

"Let me show you." He grabbed my hand, a gesture that caused me to blush immensely. At the very end of the hall stood an old brass door

Syaoran opened it causing a rush of light to flood through the doorway. I winced while poking my head into the small room.

The walls had peach plaster and I then realised a tiny window sat in the middle of the back wall.

"What is this room?" I said as I entered it.

"This, was the previous owners last house."

"What?"

"Yeah. He lived in this room. When he bought the land he went bankrupt and so couldn't afford to build the rest. His bed was there," Syaoran pointed to the left hand corner of the room. "His kitchen was there and the fire place is still here."

I then noticed the small fireplace which was nestled under a blanket of soot.

"He lived in this one room?"

"Pretty amazing isn't it? He died of old age about a year ago. No one bought the place since. I want you to do something with this room. I don't know… make it different or something. Knock down a few walls, go crazy." He said patting the walls which resulted in plaster crumbling. How anyone could live here?

I wandered over to the tiny window and saw that an entire view of Tomoeda was visible. Already a thousand thoughts fired through my head on how to convert this place.

I was too busy in my own thoughts to notice Syaoran behind me. His body heat radiated off him. The hairs on my neck started to rise.

Why does he always have this effect on me? Even after all this time I can't be around him or even think about him without my body having some type of reaction.

"What do you think?" His breath tickled on my ear.

"I have s-some ideas. It won't take too long do write up the plans, maybe a week or so." I crossed my arms across my chest and side stepped past him.

"Sakura," He said catching me by the elbow forcing me to face him.

"What?" I said avoiding contact with him. To be alone with him felt like breaking a rule. Glancing out the window Tomoeda seemed so far away. I shouldn't be here.

"Do you remember, a while ago I tries asking you for a favour. It was outside my house do you remember?"

"Yes. What do you need?" He still clung onto my elbow.

I seriously panicked on what he wanted to ask me. It was the fact he said he couldn't ask anyone else.

His touch and intense look made my stomach twist slightly in fear.

"Well…" He turned his head away from me…. Embarrassment maybe?

Wait… he couldn't want to talk about… no! Why would he bring all that up? I mean, it was years ago. We were kids. But what else could it be? He obviously wanted to talk to me without Tomoyo, and we _were_ in a semi-isolated place…

I braced myself, but dreaded what he was going to say at the same time. It was the conversation I've been waiting a long time for. Though I thought I was over it… maybe this would finally put my mind to rest and finally… I could move on completely.

"Sakura…I need you to… to…." He hesitated.

I didn't even realise I was leaning in to him with anticipation until his amber eyes flickered towards mine, causing me to gasp.

"I need you to… teach me how to dance."

I didn't move for a second. I just stood there staring at him.

When his words processed in my head my whole body collapsed into a broken posture.

Dance?... he wants to…learn how to dance?

I stared at the floor, examining its greyness. I'm an idiot. To think he'd mention…all that stuff. Get a grip Sakura.

"I-I don't understand, I don't know how to dance." I scratched the back of my neck and broke from his grip.

"Well, Tomoyo's been talking constantly about our first dance as husband and wife and I kind of just realised a while ago that I've two left feet. It's just a slow dance… but you know yourself how I am. It's the only thing Tomoyo has any control over."

Back in the day, before he kissed me, when I started having serious feelings for him, Syaoran was meant to take me to the prom. I thought him how to slow dance and by God, he couldn't dance to save his life. He would stumble all over the place, step on my toes anything that could have went wrong did. It amused me though.

He never did take me to prom anyway.

"Sakura?" He asked again when I didn't respond.

I could hear Eriol's voice in my head cautioning me to think this through. Alone with Syaoran? Conjuring up old memories? I could see his stern look face, warning me to be guarded with my feelings. But Eriol would not advise _against _it…. It wasn't anything too serious. It was just… dancing.

I laughed to myself. Getting worked up over something as silly and innocent as this.

"Um… sure Syaoran. I guess I'll re-teach you how to dance." I picked at the end of my skirt not knowing whether or not I got myself into deep shit.

He laughed pulling me in for an unexpected hug.

His manly smell overwhelmed me. I felt crushed against his buff chest and I wondered if he could hear my heart punch my ribs at that moment.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow for work boss." I said pulling away from him and saluting him.

His warm laugh filled the tiny room.

Watch yourself Sakura….Never forget where you both stand…..

Seeing his minute dimples I ignored the familiar feeling warming my chest.

Yeah… I'll be fine…..

**You all probably hate Syaoran for**** asking that of Sakura but as I said, it all happens for a reason :)**

**Just thought I'd give Tomoyo's side of the story :P**

**I have not read 'A little too late' but I read the summary after reading some of my reviews and I guess my storyline is very similar to it and I can understand how some people think I'm trying to interpret it differently. But I assure you I have no intention of copying it. To copy someone else's work defeats the purpose of the aspect of fan fiction and is a waste of time. **

**Please remember there are over 16, 000 CCS fanfics so no matter what there will always be a story similar to another. **

**I really hope you keep reading as I plan to carry this story throughout until the end. :) **

**Thanks!**


	5. Enounters

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Tomoyo's POV**

I sipped my coffee while flicking through Japan Vogue.

It was satisfying to see my work published. I was flicking through the glossy pages when I heard a car pull up outside. I glanced at my watch. I thought he was checking out Sakura's plans for the house, it was a bit early for Syaoran to be home.

I heard a car door shut along with footsteps hitting of our cobblestone path.

Our front door opened and shut. I began to twirl my hair around my finger while searching for split ends. One thing my mother absolutely loathes was split ends. She'd scowl me so many times for having them that since I hit the teen years it became habit that my fingers would always independently search for them.

"There's some dinner in the oven if you're hungry." I said when I heard him enter the kitchen. My back was facing him. "I know you hate stroganoff but you'll have to make do."

"I've already eaten thanks." I froze with my finger still enwrapped in my hair. A chill ran down my spine.

I didn't want to turn around. I didn't want to face the person I thought the voice belonged to.

"I believe congratulations are in order."

I chilled on the inside. My coffee seemed stale in my mouth.

I took a deep breath and rose to my feet; reluctantly I turned to see him leaning against the doorframe.

Eriol.

"T-thanks." I said as my fingers reached up to pick at my hair.

I gulped. To see him in the flesh after so long was an odd feeling. I couldn't describe it…it was just odd.

"It's nice to see you again Tomoyo." He smiled a smile that was so familiar. His voice was deep, almost dangerous.

Rebellious strand of his hair fell across his eyes to scratch the bridge of his glasses. He looked the same but different. A confident aura emitted from his manly structure and I was afraid.

"It's been a while." I said meekly.

"A year and two months exactly." He said while taking a few strides towards me closing the gap until he was a few feet away from me. He looked down at me and I could just tell he was studying every little feature on my face.

"Why are you here?" I said suddenly getting quite annoyed at how he was acting. I was beginning to feel like _I_ was the one who wandered into someone's house without asking.

He raised an eyebrow and laughed deeply. "I thought we agreed to meet up."

"No _you_ text me to say you wanted to meet up. _I_ never replied and now here you are." I crossed my arms across my chest and glaring up at his eyes. God I forgot how blue they were…..

For a while we just stared at each other saying nothing. His face was stern, judging me no doubt.

Finally the corners of his mouth twitched up before he started to laugh.

"Jeeze, it's almost like you're unhappy to see me." He sauntered past me to examine an old school photo of us on the fridge.

I realised what a bitch I was being. I don't know why I was acting this way, he did nothing wrong.

Uncrossing my arms looked at my feet then back to him with a more warming attitude.

"I'm sorry Eriol. I'm not being very welcoming am I? I'm genuinely glad to see you I-… just weren't expecting you I guess." I laughed nervously unaware my fingers were in my hair again.

Unexpectedly he pulled me in for a hug knocking the air out of my lungs. The heat that came from his chest almost burned. A million memories came flooding back to me. Memories of childhood.

"You still get worked up over the little things Tomoyo." He chuckled.

"I guess so." I pulled away from him not liking too much physical contact with him.

"Syaoran's not here." I said making my way towards the coffee machine thus creating distance between us.

"That's fine." He sat on the chair opposite me, making himself at home. The little things he did like that always make me fascinated by him.

"Coffee?" I asked to kill a threatening silence.

"Please." He smiled.

I sat on the chair opposite him and bit my lip, stuck for conversation.

"So, you and Syaoran engaged… I didn't see that one coming."

"And why not?" I huffed slightly taken aback by his bluntness.

"I don't know I just….never saw it happening. You two were always so different. Everything that surrounds Syaoran just never fitted you. Like throwing an Eskimo in a desert." He smirked which re-fuelled my pre-existed anger.

An Eskimo in a desert? What the fuck?

I stood up with my fists on my hips. How dare he! How can he think he can just waltz in here uninvited?

"Look Eriol if you came here just to insult me and my engagement then you can just leave!" I fumed and turned to leave. God now I remember why I never said goodbye to him when he returned to London. He had a way of aggravating me but yet… he made me feel something unfamiliar with that smirk, that smile… Why did he have to come back? Why couldn't he just stay in that God forsaking-

"I played at the Tower of London." He said un-phased by my outburst. "You would have loved it."

I was utterly confused by his odd change of topic but at the same time curiosity engulfed a small part of me. I wanted to tell him to leave. My brain told me to kick him out before Syaoran came home. But my mouth spoke independently from my mind and I became distracted from what I was doing. He had a way of playing with attention span that way, he always had.

"You did?" he nodded keeping his eyes locked on me. "Would you like to hear more?" His voice was almost seductive, like he was enticing my world of a place I've never been.

I nodded like a child and plonked back into my seat. I always wanted to see London. My mother talked often about the Tower of London and about the beautiful sights. Eriol had an eye for detail and described it in a way that I felt I was there. One of the many talents he possessed.

When he was finished I realised I was sitting with my head rested on my hands gawking at his many successes in London. I didn't doubt one of his stories as he was in my opinion one of the greatest piano players in Japan. He could play anything.

His eyes were so soft and kind in comparison to Syaoran's which were always alert and intense.

I gathered myself together and sat upright.

"Well since you're back I suppose you'll be joining Sakura and the rest of us for her twenty third birthday?" I said fumbling through invites embarrassed I let him lead me away from my anger.

Peeking up at him I saw his face drop from amused to something unreadable. I couldn't understand it but I knew he wasn't happy. Once again I was uncomfortable and so I walked over to the sink to busy myself in washing dishes.

He came from behind me. I felt his hands grab my elbows tightly thus forcing me to face him.

"What are you doing? You're hurting me Erio-"

"Do you think it all makes up for it?" he said with his blue eyes burning into mine.

"What?"

"Another party? Sakura doesn't live in a materialistic world like you want her to Tomoyo. Things would be a lot easier for you if she did wouldn't it? All this isn't going to make up for your past and what you are continuing to do."

I tried to back away from him but found myself cornered between him and the kitchen counter.

I hated what he just said and I know I'll hate what he is trying to say. He frightened me. As usual my hands independently flew to my hair to pull vigorously at the ends.

"Eriol… Please go. Please." I couldn't look at him and I prayed something would interrupt this moment.

"Why? Am I saying things that are upsetting you?" He did not put so much concern into this and his grip tightened around my elbows. "God forbid _your _feelings get hurt. What are you going to do when this is all over huh? What are you going to do when you finally get that ring on Syaoran's finger? Will that make you happy? Will it? We both know it's gonna make your mother happy anyway." He spat.

"What do you want from me?" I screamed getting the sudden feeling I was drowning, drowning in his words so much so I put my hand to my chest to make sure I could still breathe.

I tried to push away from him. My struggles proved useless however. I could not break away. I was being held by a deranged man who was intent on trying to beat his words into my head.

I knew he would not let me go unless I provided him with an answer. I was lost in his eyes struggling on how to answer. What did he want me to say? What happened to the sweet Eriol?

"Sorry I'm late." Syaoran's voice came from the front door. "I was at the house, how come you didn't answer your cell?"

In my current predicament I didn't even notice the door opening. I heard his footsteps coming closer to us and I panicked at the thought of Syaoran stumbling onto the sight of me and Eriol.

Eriol grabbed my two shoulders and leaned in so close the lenses of his glass pressed ever so slightly against my eyelashes.

"I'm moving back to Japan Tomoyo. I've learned a lot of things from my stay in London and one of the things I learned was that anyone can live in denial, only a few can break away from it. Be honest with yourself. It's not too late, but it can only start with you."

His voice altered into compassion and I felt my heart swell and it was a struggle to hold back an unexplainable sob.

As quickly as his mood changed from kind, enigmatic, to frightening and intense, he snapped back into the typical charismatic self in just enough time to create unsuspicious space between us before Syaoran emerged into the kitchen.

When Syaoran saw him, his face lit up and he turned into a ten year old child.

"No. Fucking. Way." He said wide eyed when he saw Eriol.

He practically jumped across the room to hug his best friend.

"Jesus you haven't changed a bit! You should have come over earlier I thought you weren't going to be in Tomoeda until tomorrow morning."

They talked for a while longer and I did not dare speak to interrupt the reunion. Mainly because I'll admit it…I was shaken up. I knew what he was talking about to some degree, but to do it in such a manner really freaked me out. I've never in my life seen Eriol so hands on, so vulgar. I was afraid, but at the same time I was confused enough to talk to him more.

Syaoran and Eriol took a few beers outside to the back porch where they reminisced. I stayed inside busying myself with anything until I heard something that shook me.

"Sure, I'll be the best man for the wedding." I paled, Eriol, there, watching me say my vows to Syaoran…. I could see him now, studying me, daring me to say "I do."

This was not good.

When Eriol was leaving Syaoran went up to the study, thus leaving Eriol and I alone.

"Goodnight," I said closing the door on him which was stopped by his foot.

Opening the door again he said, "It's nice to see you again Tomoyo, let's not be strangers." He smiled sincerely and at that moment I was so confused I questioned if he really did pin me against a corner of if it was all in my head.

I don't know what possessed me but I just nodded, "I guess I'll see you soon then."

After I closed the door I pressed my back against it and slowly slid down onto the floor.

What he said made me feel a something I did not want to feel, to think about things I did not want to think about. I feared him enough to want to stay away, but was fascinated enough too want to see him again…

"It can only start with you…"

I shuddered. His return was definitely the start of something that would affect all of us, especially me.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Sakura's POV**

_The same day_

"Ok, now place your right hand on my waist and hold my hand with your right- no Syaoran_ your_ right. Ok now you lead starting on the left-No Syaoran _my _left!"

"Alright already." He mumbled taking up our starting position.

We were only on lesson one and it was already proving problematic.

"Ok let's start again. Start to _my_ right. Don't hold my hand so loose either."

He tightened his grip around my hand and we moved to the left. I pulled away from him after he stepped on my toes three times too many.

"Ow!" I said nursing my toes. I guess that'll teach me to wear open toe heels around Syaoran.

"Shit! Sorry." He shrugged. "I told you, I've got two left feet. I need help."

"That's an understatement." I commented regaining my composure and returning to him. I breathed deeply before looking into his confused face. He was hopeless so he was lucky that I was a patient person.

"Ok, why don't we just sway for now?"

"Sway?"

"Yeah." I said taking his hand in mine and placing the other on his shoulder. I admit I was a bit nervous being so close to him physically after so long. But I was learning, learning to contain my emotions, learning to conceal any hint of what I felt inside, and I was improving.

Slowly and gently we swayed slightly moving our feet but remaining at the same place. The atmosphere became calming and I found my eyes wandering around the room which I was converting. The tiny window allowed some sunlight to break through.

"So, what do you think?" He said interrupting my thoughts.

"About what?"

"About this room? Any Ideas?"

"Yeah… a conservatory." I said slightly smiling to myself. It came to me in a dream last night. The tiny window on its own struggling to light up this small room circled my mind since I first stepped into this room. I was in the process of drawing up plans for the walls to be completely removed and replaced by windows. The ceiling will be like a cone which point to the stars.

I explained this to Syaoran and he seemed to really like the idea.

"I never would have thought of that."

"You and Tomoyo will be able to see all of Tomoeda from here. I was also thinking of a walkway from here down the hill to that small lake out the back. Tomoyo can of course take over the gardening." I laughed.

We continued to sway as I thought deeper about the room. I don't know how but subconsciously the gap between Syaoran and I became smaller that my head nearly rested on his chest. I didn't want to draw attention to it so I continued to sway.

I was when I heard him chuckle lightly that I pulled away from him. My eyes met his and small butterflies released in my stomach when I realised how close our faces were.

"What's so funny?" I said meekly not breaking eye contact with him.

"I just remembered something."

"Oh? Do share." My feet shuffled back to create some space between us. I closed my eyes trying to remember the last time I was in a situation like this. This oddly situation was peaceful.

"Remember you were teaching me how to dance for prom? It seems so long ago." I couldn't see him but I knew he was grinning.

Without thinking I spoke, "You mean the prom you were supposed to take me to but brought Tomoyo instead?"

We stopped moving.

My eyes snapped open realising what I said. It wasn't supposed to come out! That was meant to stay locked away in my mind with all the other thoughts I was never meant to say!

Syaoran stayed worryingly still. I didn't dare look at him. My full focus was on the window behind him. I wonder if I'm small enough to leap through it and away from this situation. Damn it Sakura why are you so fucking stupid?

I stared down at the floor stupidly hoping he'd forget I said anything.

His arm dropped from my waist and I immediately brought my arms to my sides.

"Sakura, I'm sorry about that."

"Forget about it!" I said too cheerily while waving my hand dismissing the subject. I was so embarrassed. "It was so long ago, besides I went with Reggie so it all worked out." I smiled that hateful fake smile that seemed to fool anyone.

For some reason it wasn't working today, not for Syaoran anyway.

He stared at me until my false smile evaporated.

"Sakura, I'm sorry… not just for that, but for well… everything else." His voice dropped to a serious tone and I shuddered at the possibility of where this was going. My stomach knotted.

"Stop it Syaoran." I said meekly wishing he'd drop the subject.

Quickly he strode forward and captured my hands. I was forced to look at him. I felt so small when his amber eyes read mine.

"Sakura, there's a lot I've wanted to say to you for a while but, it seems we're never alone, or it's not the right time or mainly because I'm a coward." He closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them I felt fear consume my body and I would have backed away but my feet were frozen to the ground.

"That day, when I kissed you-"

"It was a crush!" I shouted finally finding my voice. I followed this statement with a nervous laugh.

"What?"

"If you're talking about high school the yeah I had a crush on you. But you liked Tomoyo. It's only natural you brought her to prom. It was nothing! Like I said I went with Reggie, then we started dating so it's kinda good we didn't go together don't you think?" I spoke at top speed, blurring my words into one long sentence. I didn't know what else to do.

He stood there dumbfounded not knowing what to make of me. I started to pick at my fingernails to have something to do while he stared perplexed at me.

"But Reggie…. was an asshole." He said slightly clenching his fists. Syaoran hated Reggie from day one. Anyone could have seen it. This was before I started dating him. I suppose rumours of Reggies's drug taking didn't help his reputation.

"He was nice to me." That part was true. Reggie was sweet to me. He was a sleepy character who never seemed to live in reality but rather in dreamland. But he liked me. I'd even stretch to say he became obsessed with me.

At that moment Syaoran face flushed red with anger. I could feel his anger radiate out in furious vibes.

"But he was an idiot! You could have gone with Eriol or something! Out of all the people you could have gone with you chose _him._ That fucking pothead dumbass. And you dated someone like him! Why?"

"And out of all the people you chose _her_! At least when Reggie said he liked me he meant it and didn't drop me for not my cousin!" I retaliated.

"…Sakura."

"Reggie may have been fucked up in the head but at least he never build my hopes up just to crush them like you di-"

I silenced myself before anymore words could escape my mouth.

…..shit.

My voice bounced of the walls hitting me like a slap in the face, strike that it was like a full blown punch to the face. I felt my cheeks drain of blood leaving my face pale.

Syaoran's jaw dropped and we both stood deathly still. It was only then I realised my fists were clenched into small hard fists. My breathing was heavy and jagged. A deathly silence settled between us.

I relaxed my posture and contemplated on how to reverse any damage I just caused in our friendship.

"Um… that was a long time ago though!" My voice lapsed back into sweetness but I was sure he could hear it quiver. "Things have changed now haven't they? I'm glad you and Tomoyo are together now."

I wonder if this is what a schizophrenic feels like. I honestly don't know where this side of me was coming from. Ok, I did but I just thought I had control over it.

He did not respond to this but rather brought his hand to his face, not knowing what to say. Dust and plaster frazzled around us, visible only by the small light source emitted by the window.

"I think we've done enough for today." I said picking up my coat and handbag. God I wanted to get out of there so bad. I was ashamed of myself.

"Sakura wait!" He said following me to the main hallway.

He stood in front of me and blocked my way out. "Sakura, I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that about Reggie. As for 'dropping' you for Tomoyo… I want to explain…if you will let me." He looked helpless again. His eyes pleaded with me not to be so rash. I hated to see him like that, it added to my embarrassment.

"It's ok Syaoran. I shouldn't have… just forget about it. I've to go anyway." I made it clear I did _not _want to speak about it. Well… not today anyway. Sometime but not today.

We stood awkwardly trying to avoid what was said.

"Will you come back again?" He asked with kinder eyes.

"Well… I guess we didn't exactly make much progress today. And you still suck at dancing so, ok."

"Good. But Sakura, I am sorry, for… well. I'm sorry." His sincerity extinguished some of the anger inside me.

I nodded looking at the cracks in the ground. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow anyway. Tomoyo's throwing me some birthday thingy."

He nodded and I briskly walked past him to my car. I caught my toe on the box Syaoran was storing. I stumbled a little before half running outside. The fresh air was so soothing to my nerves.

I drove fast without looking behind me to see if he was watching. My heart was racing. My eyes welled up in frustration, frustration over myself. I found myself swerving my car to an entrance to an abandoned house.

Gripping the steering wheel I tried to control myself. What just happened? How did I just loose control of myself?

I don't know how it happened. I was angry and so I snapped, it was like being possessed by the very thing I was trying to keep away from. He wanted to explain, explain something that baffled me to this very day. I've wanted it for so long and when he offers it what do I do? Chicken out. What is wrong with me? When I want to speak with him it's about something else and when he chooses to talk about it I back out.

I sighed loudly and started the car again, heading for home.

My cell buzzed in my pocket.

"Hey." I said groggily with my voice breaking towards the end.

"Up for a takeaway and a sappy movie?"

"Sure" I said not so enthusiastically.

"What's wrong?" He said.

"Nothing. I'll be home soon Eriol." I hung up without giving him a chance to say goodbye.

The drive home was a blur. You would think I was dreading seeing Syaoran again, you're wrong. As badly as that episode went, the further I drove away from him the more I wanted to return.

I hated the emptiness I was feeling, however, to see him again alone… I didn't dread it. I was extremely confused. I didn't know what I was feeling. When I eventually look past the embarrassment and shame, I'm sure what's left will be curiosity for what he has to say.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So you don't think I over-reacted?" I said while adjusting a few clips in my hair.

"Not at all. In fact I think you should have said more. And stop picking at your hair. You look great." He said slapping my hand away from my hair. Nervously I pulled at my black dress feeling awkward considering it's been ages since I properly went out.

"Really? But that only cause's problems don't you think? I mean, what must he think of me now?"

We were only three blocks away from my from the taxi but already my feet were killing me. I invested in a five inch black heel stilettos. You'd think for the price of them they wouldn't start killing my feet until morning.

"No it causes problems when you keep it to yourself. You owe it to yourself to let him know how you feel. Let them _both_ know." He fixed the cuffs if his shirt and I have to say Eriol looked quite dapper. The girls we passed on the way slowed down considerably to get a second glance at him. If Eriol noticed he didn't remark when to pretty little blonde who didn't hide her obvious attraction by smiling coyly at him, only to be let down by Eriol's disinterested.

"Really? But that only cause's problems don't you think? I mean, what must he think of me now?"

I looked at him worryingly wishing he'd tell me the opposite. I wished he'd encourage me to stay away from Syaoran, to watch myself. I _thought_ that's what he's say. But as usual Eriol surprises me. I told him about what happened between Syaoran and me.

I didn't want to let them know. I didn't want anyone to know.

"What if I have another outburst like that again? What if it's worse?"

"Sakura," He said placing his hand on my shoulder. "Just for tonight, don't think about it. It's your birthday, enjoy it." His smile reassured me that for tonight, it'd be ok.

"By the way did you go see Tomoyo?" I asked almost forgetting about it.

"Yes."

"And? How'd it go?" I was nervous for him.

Looking up at the orange streetlights he smiled as if he were in a dream. "…..better then I expected."

The look on his face told me not to question his response. To honest, I didn't even want to know.

When we turned the corner and headed for the neon yellow taxi. Like a gentleman Eriol held the door open for me and helped me in.

I took a deep breath as Eriol told the driver directions. Sensing my anticipation Eriol grabbed my hand and squeezed it lightly.

"It's going to be ok." He mouthed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We arrived at a fancy little Korean restaurant Tomoyo and I use to visit when we were teenagers. The place hasn't changed much and was actually quite comforting.

I saw a girl with reddish brown hair running towards me.

"Chiharu!" I screamed and she ran to hug me. As did Naoko, Rika, Takashi and my other childhood friends that I don't see very much of anymore. It was amazing to see them all again!

Tomoyo did an amazing job decorating the place with artificial blossoms and lanterns dimly lit to give of a softening atmosphere. A huge banner read 'Happy Birthday Sakura'

"Wow, twenty three huh?" Takashi commented.

"Yeah, I feel so old." I laughed.

For the first ten minutes I literally didn't have a second to myself. Everybody either piled me with questions or were giving their congratulations. I embraced it. I found myself talking so naturally and smiled genuinely. There was no falsity in anything I said. It was like being transported to a simpler time. The only thing different is that I wasn't in my school uniform and I took note that there was a lot more alcohol here.

The guys even bought me a silver tiara with a fat pink diamond in the centre along with a pink and white sash that read 'Birthday Girl' It warmed me inside when Rika placed it over my head. You literally couldn't wipe the smile of my face.

"I feel so loved." I laughed.

I then noticed Tomoyo behind our little circle looking kind of distant. Almost in a trance completely oblivious to what was going on around her. It was only when Takashi moved out of the way I saw she was talking to… Eriol. I would have been anxious only the situation seemed rather calm. Looking at them you would think there was no history between them but mere friendship. I suppose in a way there never was and Tomoyo I bet has no Idea how he felt… or maybe still feels.

I decided it was best to leave them too it.

Syaoran was no where to be seen for now which disappointed me. I didn't want his absence to effect me. I mean, after our last encounter I should be thankful not to see him, but I wasn't. I wanted him here.

We all took our places around the long table. Noisy chatter filled the room. I sat at the centre and Tomoyo slid in beside me.

"You've outdone yourself this time Tomoyo." I said hugging her tightly wondering if I'd be alone in my apartment singing happy birthday to myself if she didn't organise this for me.

She smiled widely. "Just you wait until next year. I'm glad you like it. Everyone's talking about going to 'The Shandy' after we eat what do you think?" She winked referring to our early years of sneaking into that over eighteens nightclub. It was there I witnessed Tomoyo get drunk for the first time. It was some sight to see alright. Let's just say a lot of her anger comes out after a few shots, anyways.

Tomoyo was dressed in a champagne coloured strapless dress with her hair let down and curled. She looked amazing as always. As usual, accessorised by Chanel perfume and earrings.

Eriol sat to my left making small talk with who I now recognised was Syaoran. So he won't even talk to me now? Not even a hello? After he said that to _me_? You know what? Fine. I did nothing wrong did I?

Maybe I did.

Maybe he's freaked out by my schizophrenic moment.

But hey, it's my birthday and right now I don't give a shit. Let him be like that!

I poured a glass of red wine and sat back taking in the sight of all the people who came to see me. The atmosphere was so warming that I could actually block out anything negative for now. Well, sort of.

The fact Syaoran was two seats away from me angered me. Is he ashamed? Angry with me? What he said _was_ unnecessary but I retaliated too I suppose.

_Cheers Sakura_, I said to myself, lets make this a good night. I gulped back every last drop of red wine in my glass and do you know what? I have a feeling I'll be consuming a lot more alcohol before the nights over with.

**I hope to update as soon as I can :P**

**A lot more coming up in the next chapter so please keep reading! :)**


	6. Shots

**Hey everyone! These two chapters were originally meant to be one but I separated them cause it was a bit long :S :P Unfortunately school's starting Monday so won't be updating very often :(….. anyway enjoy!**

**Tomoyo's POV**

Syaoran's being off with me.

Actually, he's being off with everyone. The same could almost be said for myself.

Maybe it was the fact my mind was otherwise preoccupied with thoughts of Eriol who, by the way would glance at me every now and again from across the table. His words kept circling my mind. 'It can only start with you.'

I shook my head to rid those thoughts. No, for tonight I would not privilege him by letting him see that he got to me.

After the meal I slid into the empty seat beside Syaoran and sunk my hand into his. He seemed too preoccupied with his own thoughts to react. Everybody lounged about the restaurant sorting out taxis for getting home after 'The Shandy'

"Are you going out?" I asked him while resting my head on his shoulder.

"Don't know." He responded gruffly. Something was bothering him but for fear he would snap, I said nothing.

A piercing laugh came from the opposite end of the table from Sakura. She threw her head back to laugh at something Takashi said. It was nice to see he was having a good time. Her tiara was slightly slanted on her brown hair. I noticed her bottle of wine was almost empty. I would have commented it to her but it was her birthday, I didn't want to be a spoil sport.

The doors to the entrance were flung open and in strutted Fanran. I sighed out loud and I felt Syaoran's arm flex in annoyance. He scowled but then sighed. He, like me, probably didn't want to make a scene.

"Sakura! Happy birthday darling." She said loud enough to silence some people however murmurs still lingered in the background.

I expected Sakura to roll her eyes or give her the finger. Instead she smiled and raised her empty glass to Fanran.

"Why thank you I'm so happy you made it! It wouldn't be the same without you."

Oh the irony.

"Funny," Fanran said making her way to the small bar. "How my invitation magically got lost in the post when it is _my_ brother who's paying for all this since you got dropped from that second rate job." She laughed and took a seat next to Fuutie, who was looking extremely bored.

Sakura did not reply to this but rather turned her back to continue her conversation with Rika and Naoko.

"Did you invite her?" Syaoran said suddenly directing his attention to me. I looked down and shook my head. I deliberately did _not_ invite her.

I sat beside Sakura and whispered, "I'm so sorry. I never said anything to her I don't know why she's here." I felt so horrible. Sakura however, seemed completely un-phased. Her high spirits lit the whole atmosphere.

Whilst I circled the place making sure everyone was ok my eyes stopped at Eriol. He wasn't looking at me…but Fanran. Fanran looked quite stunning in her frilly white blouse and black skirt that stopped at her thighs. Her brown hair was cropped at the shoulders and glossy. Eriol seemed to notice this. He sat at the bar stool beside her smirking with some interest on what she was saying. He leaned on the counter with his head resting on his fist.

What was she saying? Why was she eyeing him like that? What's going on! Her seductive eyes lusting over him twisted a knot in my stomach. I crossed my arms across my stomach and averted my eyes. Why is this happening? Why would I care who Fanran sinks her claws into, especially if it was Eriol.

Fanran jokingly hit him laughing at something he said. When she grabbed her purse and headed for the bathroom my feet strutted towards him. I intended to go back to Syaoran but found myself walking towards Eriol.

"Careful, she has fangs." I said bitterly.

He smiled and sipped his drink. "I think she's quite charming."

What is his game? She was _so_ not his type.

"She's married too."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

I didn't know what to say. God I was being a bitch. His eyes sparkled with amusement.

"Yeah well, Fanran tends to make a scene anywhere she goes. I'm just warning you." I turned my heel to leave. I don't know why it bothered me to see Fanran flirting with him but it did.

**Sakura's POV**

I'm bored.

It's my birthday I shouldn't be bored!

All around me people were making light chatter with each other.

Like a spoiled child I rested my head into my hands and pouted. Wiping my nose on my sash I looked around to spot Feimei mirroring my expression. She sat at the bar on her own obviously not enjoying the evening.

I rose from the table and walked to her. Scratched that, I half stumbled over to her. For some reason I was unable to keep my balance. The ground would not stay flat for me. No, I know what your thinking, I might be a little drunk but no- I'm fine… a little tipsy but fine.

"Feimei!" I said a little too loud as she jumped a little on her seat.

"Oh… hi Ms Kinomoto." She said meekly and continued to look down at the counter. Feimei and Fuutie were always the quietest of the Li's. They were older than Syaoran but you'd think they were younger in the way they look up to him. He himself treats them as if they were his baby sisters. I didn't know if they liked me or not but they certainly treated me nicer then Sheifa and Fanran.

"Call me Sakura." My Dutch courage was assisting me in talking to her. On a normal basis I would not know how to engage in a conversation with them. I made two attempts to balance myself onto the stool and by the third time I got it.

She laughed quietly but then looked away nervously.

She may be quiet on the outside but from the stories I heard Feimei was quite the party animal. When Yelen let the leash loose Feimei would roam the nightclubs on China. Syaoran has told me many stories about her.

"Hey Feimei, this place is shit, do you want to head to a nightclub?"

I swear her eyes lit up right away and devilish smile formed on her lips similar to Syaoran's.

"I…I don't know. Mom wouldn't be too impressed. If I were seen in the wrong place I would be accused of 'tainting the Li's social standing'" She mumbled but I could tell she warmed to the idea.

"You're twenty five!" I exclaimed. (Even though she acts like a rebellious seventeen year old.) "Do you care what your mother thinks?"

She smiled coyly before she asked one last question.

"Could we… have shots?"

My grin reflected hers as I put my arm around her leading her out of the restaurant with the others.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Two hours later_

Ok, I'll admit it… I'm a little drunk.

Ok, I'm very drunk.

"Whooooooop!" Feimei shouted as we slammed our fourth empty shot glass down onto the bar. "More!" She shouted at the barman who was struggling to keep up with our orders as well as everyone else's.

"Haven't you ladies had enough?" he grunted filling us another shot glass.

"Hey pal it's my birthday and we want MORE!"

"Yeah!" Feimei backed me up while hitting her hands of the counter. How it ended up with myself and her I don't know. I never realised how wild Feimei was.

We were now in 'The Shandy' along with the rest of the gang who all spaced out in different places in the club. The place was packed and I recognised a few people from work only because they came over to say how very sorry they were I was let go. Fuutie I learned could not hold her drink very well and was now on the dance floor with some _very_ good looking guy.

Feimei ordered us another martini.

Taking the glass into my hand I swivelled round the chair and scanned the place. Tomoyo was no where to be seen. She seemed to have disappeared as have Eriol and the others. As for Syaoran, I'm surprised he even bothered to tag along. The music blared as purple and blue lights flashed on the dance floor. I could feel the thud of the speakers move my body. I could barely hear Feimei even though she was right beside me.

"Go on with your story!" Feimei badgered while poking me with her cute little drunken face pouting.

"Oh yeah!" I said remembering what I was saying beforehand. "So anyway, there I was walking home from school. I walked into the kitchen minding my own business you know? And I started making dinner and then I realised we were of sauce but then I remembered 'Hey, Toya was eating in the living room last night, why don't I check in there? So then I walked in and BOOM! My brother and Yukito making out, on the couch!" I concluded telling her the story of how I came to realise my brother was gay.

Feimei threw her head back and laughed hysterically as did I. It wasn't that funny of a story but hey, we're both drunk. Everything was funny.

"Aw man, and your brother is so HOT! So is Yukito! So typical the sexiest guys in Tomoeda are gay, with EACH OTHER!" She laughed.

"I was only ten! I was so fucking freaked out! Yukito was my first crush, and my first rejection." We were of laughing again. Feimei struggled to stay on her barstool.

Another two martini's and I was plastered. I couldn't even see straight. It was such a good high and I could actually for a while completely forget him. You know? _Him. _

"Douchbag." I muttered.

"Huh?" Feimei slurred. She was worse than I.

"Nothing." I said smiling.

"Sakura!" She suddenly screamed into my face as if I just arrived.

"What?"

"You. Are. So. Fricking. Cool!" She screamed and launched herself to hug me. Even her hair reeked of alcohol. Were we even here that long?

"Seriously, my sisters NEVER take me out to clubs. I mean, Fuutie and I sometimes go out, but because of the 'Li' reputation we're practically banned from a social life outside Li enterprise. I wish you were marrying Syaoran instead of Tomoyo." She kissed me on the cheek sweetly.

"Thanks Feimei. I said trying to ignore the last part.

"No Saks, thank _you._ I'd trade in all my sisters for and by the way don't worry about Fanran. She only hates you because our daddy loved you more than her. She's bitter _and_ she has webbed feet! Seriously! Don't _ever_ tell her I told you that! She's so ashamed of it, I'd be too, especially since she has that in-growing toenail and all." Feimei was beginning to word vomit. Saying anything and everything that came to her mind.

"Hey Fei." I said leaning into her.

"Yeah,"

"That guy behind you has been checking you ass out all night. If you don't give him some attention he's gonna move on." I said indicating to the Hispanic looking man behind her. His side glances at Feimei's derriere were becoming more frequent.

Feimei smirked and gulped her martini down in a millisecond before swivelling around to stare the guy straight in the face. "Hellooooooo Mexico." She said flirtatiously scotching closer to him.

Feeling uncomfortable I turned to leave in the opposite direction. Stupid I wasn't watching where I was going so it was inevitable I collided with someone.

"Sorry!" I shouted cursing myself and at my alcohol levels.

"Don't worry about sweet cheeks." He said in a voice that was so familiar.

"Reggie?"

The guy turned back to me to reveal my old high school buddy and ex-boyfriend.

"Sakura? No fucking way!" He pulled me into a hug nearly crushing me. "What are you doing here this ain't your usual spot."

"It's my birthday!" I said showing of my tiara which was lost in my hair.

"Oh yeah I think I texted you didn't I?"

"Yeah thanks." I said ignoring the fact that his texts were a week early yet again.

His hair was still the same ash brown and long tied into a very small ponytail at the back.

"I'd offer to buy you a drink but to be honest I think you _maybe_ had a few already." He said nudging me playfully which caused me to stumble of balance a little.

"So? Never stopped us before has it!" I questioned.

"Your right I suppose. You still drink shots?"

"What kind of question is that?" I snickered.

He winked and grabbed my hand leading me once again to the bar. Just as we approached the bar someone else's hand grabbed my elbow.

"Have you seen Fanran?" Syaoran's voice came from behind.

I glared. Typical of him to ruin my fun.

"No." I said curtly tugging away from his grip.

"Sakura where are you going-"

"Well, well Li long time no chat." Reggie said slightly mockingly.

Syaoran's fingers sunk into my elbow deeper at the sight of Reggie. Reggie smirked and confidently walked up to Syaoran holding out his hand. I gulped at the cold glare Syaoran was giving him. I shrunk a little wishing I was one of the people dancing around us completely oblivious to what was happening in our little circle.

I suppose Reggie was Syaoran's Fanran. Someone who took pleasure in pissing someone else off.

Syaoran did not shake Reggie's hand nor did he let go of me.

"Let's go Sakura." Syaoran tugged me his direction. At that moment I got really pissed off.

"So what you decide to talk to me now?" I fumed releasing myself from him. "Well tough shit Syaoran I don't want to talk with you. You can't just ignore me when you feel like it and expect me to just go with it!" I shouted angrily. My words were slow and I struggled to say exactly what my brain was thinking.

"Sakura you've had too much to drink. You don't know what you're talking about-"

"You heard the lady Li." Reggie came up from behind me and slithered his hand around my waist, pulling me into him. "She don't want to talk to you dude."

"If I've to put a bullet through your head don't think I'll hesitate." Syaoran threatened getting close to Reggie.

Why was he acting like this? He was being such an asshole!

"Go away Syaoran! I'll talk to whoever I fucking want to." I was so mad at him.

"Fine." He gritted through his teeth shooting daggers through his eyes at me. He stalked off and Reggie resumed to lead me towards the bar.

Why does he have to be like that? Why can't he just take Tomoyo and go as far away as possible! Get married on a faraway island, live in a big fucking house where I don't have to see them! Wait, what am I saying? Shut up Sakura you're drunk. I didn't even realise I was at the bar until Reggie put another shot glass containing electric blue liquid in it.

Everything was so blurry and out of focus I could barely make out Reggie who was standing in front of me. From the corner of my eye I could see Feimei making out with her Mexican.

"Cheers babe." Reggie said clinking his glass of mine.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Tomoyo's POV**

I couldn't take my eyes of them.

Her skirt was hiked up even more then it was at the restaurant. She was progressively becoming more touchy feely with Eriol as the night continued. I was on the second floor of the club and had a bird's eye view of them. I felt like a spy. Next to her I spotter Fuutie dancing wildly with a group of people I didn't recognise.

Hmmm…. Didn't know Fuutie was so confident.

Fanran broke away from him and made her way up to me.

"Tomoyo, why are you up here all alone?" She said with fake interest as she flopped onto the leather couch beside me. She looked over at Chiharu and Takashi who were all 'lovey dovey' as if they weren't going out for almost ten years. I sighed and looked over at Syaoran at the bar. He was not the type to be so affectionate. I suppose that was just him and I wasn't going to change that.

Fanran pulled out her powder to touch up on her already flawless face keeping her eyes fixed on her reflection in the small mirror.

"You seem to take up quite an interest in Eriol." I said ignoring her question. Clutching my glass, I hated the bitterness coming from my mouth.

"Oh, Hiiragizawa? He's quite the sexy one." She said eyeballing him at the bar.

He was now having a drink with Syaoran and engaging in man talk.

"There's something about him that's quite charming apart from looks and I can't quite put my finger on it." She glanced down at him as if he were a puzzle to be solved.

"What would Frank say to all of this?" I said pretending to be interested with the olive in my drink.

"Oh Tomoyo," She slapped my shoulder deviously smirking. "It's only a little flirting, harmless my dear. Besides, I'd never seriously go for a _musician_." She said as if being a musician was like being a leper. "I bet that man hasn't got a penny to his name. Shame though, if he invested in a proper job I'd certainly show more interest." She laughed nasally.

A tinge of anger burned my chest. I knew she was only playing him. Surly he must know that. Eriol has always been a good judge of character so he must see through her doesn't he? I don't know what I was feeling but I knew I didn't want Fanran near Eriol. I didn't want them alone! So much so that when Eriol left Syaoran I followed him. Fanran was too preoccupied with her reflection to notice my sudden disappearance.

I bullied my way through the thick crowd until I broke free and saw him in his black T-shirt.

"Eriol!" I screamed over the loud thumping music. He obviously didn't hear me so I shouted again. "Eriol!"

I shouted again. He heard me this time and turned to face me.

Smiling as if he hadn't seen me in years, "Tomoyo, are you ok?"

"I'm fine…um…" We were being shoved around by the edge of the dancing crowd. "I just wanted to… just wanted to say about you and Fanran…" My sentence kept getting paused due to the crowd knocking air out of me.

It didn't matter though; Eriol couldn't hear me over the music as he kept indicating towards his ears.

I gave up and threw my hands in the air. He then grabbed my hand and led me away from the crowd and into a storage room that muted the music to some degree. We were alone…and my mind went blank.

"So now, what were you saying?" He leaned against the door looking down at me with sapphire eyes.

"I um…. Well I just…"I scratched my head as he looked down at me waiting. "You do know Fanran is just using you right?"

He chuckled revealing his pearly teeth. "Does it bother you that I talk to her?"

"Of course not! I'm just…. forget it. You'll find out for yourself."

"Tomoyo," He said catching my forearm. "You wouldn't happen to be jealous would you?"

"What? Of course not why would I be jealous?" I fumed at the very thought.

"I guess you wouldn't be." He shrugged innocently.

"I mean, I'm engaged to Syaoran!"

"Yes, you are."

"So the idea of… being jealous of you is…is…" I found myself blubbering on and on embarrassed as to why I was here.

Was I jealous? No! I couldn't be. Just because I ran down two flights of stairs across a crowded dance floor and ended up in a closet with him does NOT mean I was jealous of him.

I stared at the floor mumbling my way out of this situation. I never noticed him stepping closer to me. Flashbacks came of the time he cornered me in my home.

When I could think of nothing else to say I became aware of his closeness. His expression was serious.

My heart began to slowly hammer at my chest and I struggled to keep my hands away from my hair.

"Tomoyo, you don't honestly think I'd go for Fanran do you?" He almost sounded hurt.

"I…guess not. It's just… by the way she was making you laugh I just thought… I don't know what I thought." I said ashamed that I misjudged him. I knew he didn't want her in that way. But I let this… emotion get in the way of my common sense.

He was close now, seriously close. His flawless face looking down at me with an expression that made me feel butterflies in my stomach.

He slowly dropped his head down to lock eyes on me. With every inch he came closer he eyed me cautiously for some sign of protest.

I didn't budge.

Nor did I break off eye contact for a second. I was willing him to do something. The music inside seemed to be silenced and all I could hear was his breathing soft on my face. He stopped with his forehead almost touching mine.

I caught my breath.

He could've kissed me right now he was that close. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing.

I looked at his mouth wondering what it would be like to kiss those lips.

He was so close, why didn't he kiss me?

"Why are you doing this to me?" I barely whispered although my voice seemed to pierce through the atmosphere.

He closed the gap between our foreheads. He brought his hand slowly to mine and drew circles on it with his thumb. This motion made me tremble. I struggled to keep myself composed, something that always seems to happen when I'm with him.

"Because I care about you. Enough too come back to Tomoeda."

"I don't know what you mean." I said trying to avoid his eyes.

"Yes you do Tomoyo. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy Eriol." I lied. "Everything is working out for me."

"For you or for your mother?" He challenged.

"Stop it." I whispered closing my eyes unable to look at him. I didn't want to see the disappointment reflect of his sapphire eyes. It hurt too much. "I love Syaoran and I shouldn't be here…with you."

"Then leave. I won't stop you." There was sufficient space beside him where I could pass him. He continued to softly stroke my hand. Technically he wasn't holding me here.

I could leave.

I should leave.

But I didn't.

So close... he was so close…

I forgot who I was.

For one moment I was not Tomoyo Daidouji, fiancée of Syaoran Li. I was someone else, someone who really wanted Eriol. The emotions I've ignored for years now burst through me and in this state; I closed the aching gap between us and kissed him.

It was sweet, It was beautiful…It was as wonderful as a first kiss should be… it was wrong.

A flashing image of my mother's scowl pierced my mind and my arms pushed back against his chest.

The moment was broken. Immediately I became filled with anger and acted the way my mother would.

I slapped him.

He seemed in shock and whatever other reaction he was to take was interrupted by my sudden temper.

"Don't you ever do that again Hiiragizawa! Don't touch me again! Stay away from me, don't come near me again!" My hands were balled into fists.

I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to be here.

I couldn't breath. This was claustrophobic. What just happened?

I ran pass him and burst through the door. Rave music flooded through the door and I was thankful to be with other people. I pushed through the thick crowd with my heart racing. I stopped when I reached the far end of the bar. Looking back I did not see him. He didn't follow me.

My hand flew to my chest.

"Go on Fuutie! Wooooooooo!" A man behind me screamed.

I whirled around and long and behold there was Fuutie. Dancing on top of the bar like a common stripper.

To be fair at least she had most of her clothes on.

"Fuutie!" I screamed bulling my way up to her. "What the FUCK are you doing?"

Hazily she settled her eyes on me and exaggerated her smile. "I'm dancing Daidouji what does it look like?"

"Get down NOW!" I reached up and tugged her arm. I was terrified Syaoran would see her. I assumed he didn't otherwise he would have dragged her of the bar and put all those guys in a coma for even looking at her.

She pulled back and pouted.

"But these guys LOVE me!" Her male admirer's whistled and howled at her.

Fucking pigs, I thought to myself.

I reached up to grab her. She half fell off but I luckily caught her before she hit her head of the bar. Where the hell was Sakura? Last time I checked Fuutie was with her.

"Tomoyo…" She said. God she reeked of alcohol. Wasn't Feimei supposed to look after her? It doesn't matter now anyway. Any condition Fuutie goes home in Syaoran will be blame it on me. He was so protective of her.

"What Fuutie?"

"I'm going….going to be…be…sick."

Immediately I dragged her to the bathrooms as quick as I could. We just about made it to the bathroom before Fuutie hurled the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

I closed the stall as other girls were looking at her unimpressed and disgusted.

So like a nurse I sat beside her and rubbed her back as she continued to vomit.

"Its hurts Sakura!" She whined.

"It'll pass. It's Tomoyo by the way not Sakura." I clarified.

After a few minutes she stopped getting sick and lapsed into a hazy state.

"You know what Sakura? I really wish it was you marrying Syaoran. I like Tomoyo but…she's not as fun as you. You and Syaoran are just…perfect." She began to slur then silence herself to the point where I thought she fell asleep.

Tears welled in my eyes.

She's just drunk, I told myself. She doesn't know what she's doing.

Do you know what you're doing Tomoyo?

I shut my eyes and prayed that this night would just end.


	7. More Shots

**Sakura's POV**

Reggie was getting _very _attractive the more I looked at him… and the more I drank.

Normally I wouldn't go for guys with ponytails and too much facial hair but right now, he was looking good. The whole incident with Syaoran was bugging me though. It killed a bit of my buzz.

"So you still single?" He asked grinning.

"Yeah, you?" I said knowing where this was going.

"Sure am. Do you think you and me would ever…"

"Nope." I said. I may be drunk but I'm not stupid enough to try dating him again.

Reggie and I use to have a complicated relationship. During high school and a bit of college we were constantly on and off. Mainly because he kept cheating on me and mainly because I was a pushover. He was lazy too which irritated me and the drugs pissed me off too. But during those times when I felt lonely, or it was Tomoyo's and Syaoran's second, third, fourth year anniversary, Reggie was someone to temporarily fill the void. I guess in a way I was using him. To be fair, he was using me too. He made me laugh. He always made me laugh.

In no way did I ever love him.

I never had.

I'd never go back to him. Too much shit has happened in my life as a result of being with him. He was harmless though.

"I guess it was worth a shot." He said laughing lightly.

We talked for a while longer and as I said, he knew how to make me laugh. I was warming to him. His eyes were sleepy as usual. He had a scruffy appearance and his hair was always tousled about as if he just got out of bed.

Somehow his arm managed to rest itself around my waist and remain there. I didn't move it because it didn't bother me to be honest. Gradually we became flirtier with each other. Our faces becoming closer threatening to break the 'friend' zone. At this moment I didn't care. Reggie and I would never date again. But if something did happen tonight, if he did kiss me, the fact that it would develop into nothing would not bother me. The times Reggie and I were coupley were moments I did cherish to some degree.

To feel wanted and loved… It was almost worth the hassle of being with him.

"Hey Saks… do you wanna get out of here?"

"Yeah." It was a bit humid in here and some fresh air would clear my head.

He intertwined his fingers in mine and led me out through the thick crowd. I kept my head down as to ensure I didn't not make eye contact with Tomoyo Eriol and especially not Syaoran.

The night air was icy on my skin and we walked down a street for a bit until the thudding of the nightclub music died down. Before I knew it we were at an alleyway.

I was feeling extremely dizzy. Standing up straight proved to be quite a challenge. I sat on a nearby garbage bin.

Get it together Sakura. I rested my head between knees and sucked in the cold air.

I heard Reggie strike a match and light up a cigarette. He rubbed my back sympathetic of my current state.

"Sorry." I said. "I'm a mess." I actually laughed at myself.

He smirked and shook his head. "Not at all, many a time you had to drag my drunken ass home by yourself."

I smiled. That was true. They were some messed up nights.

"Hey Sakura." He said in a different voice.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want a 'pick me up?"

I didn't get the gist of what he was saying so I looked up and saw him dangling a packet containing white powder.

My eyes bulged. Was he actually suggesting that?

"Reggie seriously? What the fuck? I'm drunk but not stupid. I'd NEVER go back to that!"

His grin moulded into a mocking smirk.

"It never bothered you before, why so against it now?"

"I never fucking did that stuff and you know that!" I fumed.

He was upsetting me so much my knees began to tremble as I backed away from him. Why did I let myself get into this situation? What is wrong with all the men tonight?

I glared at him retreating towards the street when his smirk turned sour and he lunged towards me and grabbed my arm. I was dragged away from the exposure of the streetlights.

"Let go Reggie." I said in a semi-calm voice. If I screamed I knew he'd tighten his grip and probably hurt me more. I only noticed now he had a good bit to drink and was easily agitated when like this.

"You know I preferred you more in college. You wanted me then, you _needed _someone like me regardless what everyone else said about me. You didn't want me to be like _him_. You wanted the opposite. We could have been good together Sakura, If you gave us a chance you would've seen that." He spat.

"I've never needed you Reggie you were just a pathetic substitute to fill my loneliness." I hissed regretting it straight away.

Anger flashed in his eyes and his eyes. He always loved a fight.

"I see your obsession with Li hasn't left you. Can't you see you ain't good enough for the likes of the Li's? They'll never accept people like us Sakura never!"

"I am NOTHING like you Reggie so don't go there." Tears were streaming down my face. I forgot how hurtful he could be sometimes. It was so rare Reggie would act like this. It was only when he was passionate about things he'd pick a fight. But ninety eight per cent of him was calm, sleepy.

"I actually liked you! I threw myself at you but you just looked at Li and cast me aside."

"You cheated on me six times Reggie! SIX TIMES! How can you even suggest we were good together?" This was definitely not how I wanted to celebrate my birthday.

His hands were still clutched onto my arms. I knew he wouldn't hit me. The Reggie I knew wouldn't hurt a girl but he was tipsy and angry so anything could have been possible. I was afraid.

I closed my eyes waiting for something to happen.

For a minute all I felt was my blood circulation slowing due to his tightening grip. Then the relief when he let go abruptly.

Peeking through one eye I saw Reggie lying on the ground with another person punching his face. One after another he delivered a blow to the point I couldn't look.

Reggie rolled over in pain and my saviour turned around to reveal himself.

Syaoran looked as if he would lunge at Reggie again only my arms were around his waist tugging him away.

"You piece of shit! What did you do to her?" He spat trying to push me away so he could get at Reggie again.

"He didn't do anything Syaoran leave him!" I shouted knowing he'd annihilate Reggie with another blow.

Reggie struggled to stand up and nursed a hand over his now bloody nose.

"Fuck you Li." He growled before glaring at me. "You and I are done forever!" I nearly laughed in his face but instead I stayed quietly behind Syaoran.

Reggie stalked off down the dark alley and with every step he took away from me I felt relief stay with me. I had a feeling I wouldn't be crossing his path in the nearby future.

I can' believe I lost my virginity to him. I was so ashamed of myself.

"You could have killed him." I breathed behind Syaoran.

Syaoran did not face me. He just stood with his back to me glaring at the place Reggie was.

"I would have if you didn't interfere." His voice sent a chill down my spine. The night air seemed to mimic Syaoran's stillness. Even the club music vanished.

He was not happy.

We stayed looking down the alley until the faint cries of anger from Reggie diminished into silence.

I looked at my feet and focused on the purple nail polish on my toes stuck for what to say.

"T-thanks Syaoran." I mumbled.

Finally he looked at me. His eyes blazed in anger and I was genially more afraid of him at that moment then I was with Reggie. I felt so small. I wish he'd say something.

"Am I missing something?"

"What."

"I'm just curious. You come from a respectable family, you went to college and seem to have most of your brain cells so tell me, am I missing something? Are you stupid?" He raised his voice and held out the plastic packet that Reggie was offering to me.

I knew what he was thinking.

"It's not what you think." My voice was unconvincing I could tell by his expression.

"Syaoran you know I'd never be that stupid."

"Well I you're stupid enough to leave with someone like _him_ without telling anyone and go into a dark alley where something could have happened then what's to stop you? Seriously Sakura drugs?" It was him now shaking me by the shoulders

"I didn't touch that stuff Syaoran. Why won't anyone believe me?" I was full on crying now. Everything was taking its toll. I just wanted to go home. I threw my face into my hands and cried.

His hands moved from my shaking shoulders to hug me. This made it worse. I didn't want him to ever see me like this. I swore I'd never let this happen.

"I believe you Sakura. I shouldn't have yelled, I'm sorry. I just… I never want you to go back to…him. To see you like that would kill me." The softness in his voice made my chest ache. How could I be so stupid? I understood his worry. I experimented a little with drugs in college but nothing major. Trouble just seemed to follow me with Reggie around. I'm so pathetic and brainless to have went with him here.

"You could have seriously hurt him though Syaoran. But thanks for saving me from Reggie."

He loosened his hold on me and brought his finger ever so softly under my chin. He raised my head. Our faces once again were inches from each other. I didn't know whether or not it was a good thing I was almost sober.

"Are you still fond of him?" I knew the answer he wanted. Luckily my answer was the truth.

"No." I whispered. "It bothers you to see me with him." I said stating the obvious. They all hated Reggie. I completely understood.

"No." He said surprising me. He lifted my chin up again to study my face. "It doesn't bother me to see you with just him; it bothers me to see you with any man Sakura."

My mouth dropped. Through my fringe he looked intently at me studying my reaction.

"W-what do you mean Syaoran?" My knees once again began to tremble.

He said nothing but locked his eyes onto mine. My heart began to race. His arms were warm around me, I didn't want to leave. I've never felt so safe.

Through the dim orange streetlight his face moved closer to mine, his eyes never leaving mine.

"I've made such a mistake Sakura. I was a coward. If only I was brave enough to do it all differently, I wouldn't have caused so much… pain. It's almost too late now." There was an unwritten message there. The thing was did I want to acknowledge it or not.

His thumb stroked my cheek. I felt myself blush under his thumb.

It was hard not feel the familiar feeling rise in me.

Could it be that… he still has feelings for me?

"Sakura…I...I still have feelings for-"

"I said I'm hungry!" Came and aggressive voice approaching up.

Immediately Syaoran and I broke away from each other. I felt coldness embrace me as we created a huge gap between us.

"I know Fuutie just hold on a second." Tomoyo said softly.

Syaoran and I looked towards the end of the alley.

Fuutie and Tomoyo emerged under the streetlight. Fuutie was as bad as I seen her last. She swung from Tomoyo's neck and her cream dress was torn. She held her shoes in one hand while Tomoyo held the rest of Fuutie's belongings in her free hand. Tomoyo looked extremely pissed off.

"Syaoraaaan!" Fuutie, like a ten year old child ran over to Syaoran to give him an exaggerated hug.

Subtly I retreated further from him. Guilt washed over me.

Syaoran looked extremely confused as he looked down at his sister. "You're drunk?"

She smiled and hugged him tighter. "I'm hungry." She repeated in a more sleepy tone.

His expression went from shock to complete anger. He flickered his now angered eyes towards Tomoyo.

"I thought you were taking care of her." Tomoyo actually jumped with fright not expecting it.

"She's is _your_ sister Syaoran therefore _your_ responsibility don't fucking pin it on me." That was the first time I heard Tomoyo speak like that to him. In fact I've never heard them address each other like that.

Wow, something had definitely pissed Tomoyo off. I could tell by her stance. Her hands firmly on her hips, her eyes narrowed with her lips in a firm line.

"You were the last person with her. How could you let her get this bad? Fuck sake Tomoyo anything could have happened to her!" He was getting aggravated. It wasn't fair. Technically it was _I _who was the last with Fuutie. But I didn't intervene, because I was angry.

Angry at Tomoyo who once again, took the moment from Syaoran and I.

It was as if she was lurking around any corner to spoil any moment we had.

….But he wasn't my fiancée. I had no right to be angry.

But I was furious. That moment was now broken.

Because of her. It was always because of her.

The root of my pain.

I couldn't look at her. I wanted to hit something.

"Forget it Syaoran. I just can't seem to do anything right can I?" Her voice was borderline shouting. She was aggressive. A rare emotion for Tomoyo.

I clenched my fists and bit my lip.

Their quarrel was uncomfortable.

Syaoran's jaw locked. He would not fight in front of me or his sister. That was never his style. He steered his sister out of the alley stopping beside Tomoyo to whisper. "We'll talk about it later."

She didn't respond but looked ahead with and irritated face. Syaoran glanced back at me and smiled gently.

"Happy Birthday Sakura."

I nodded and tried to ignore the butterflies unleashing in my stomach.

I was still on a buzz from the alcohol but not as bad as I was earlier.

I still had the balls to speak what was on my mind.

"Why so pissy Tomoyo." I said bitterly when Syaoran and Fuutie left.

She snapped her gaze back to me. "Excuse me?" She raised an eyebrow.

I walked up to her. "I said. Why. So. Pissy."

"What's your problem Sakura?"

"What's my problem? You Tomoyo! You have to have it all don't you? You couldn't let me just have the one thing I always wanted. No. You had to take it away from me… and now I'll never have him." Word Vomit. Funny thing was didn't care. I wanted to say it. I was taking advice from Eriol.

Her face went blank when I said that. Her annoyed expression changed to shocked.

"S-Sakura do you mean… Reggie? You're better than him." she mumbled taken aback by my change in attitude.

I was so close to her now her back was against the wall. "No Tomoyo, not Reggie. You had to take _him_ didn't you?" She couldn't hold my gaze. She looked to the ground and unsurprisingly picked at her hair.

I grabbed her wrist to stop her.

I felt myself calming down as my eye released a single tear. "I just hope it's all worth it Tomoyo. I hope I'll be proven wrong. I hope you'll be happy." My tone was dead, unenthusiastic.

I thought she'd retaliate. Question me. What she said shocked me.

"You're right. I've become... lost in myself. It can only start with me." She was looking more through me than at me. As if talking to herself. I had genuinely no idea what she was talking about.

I backed away when I heard footsteps coming towards us.

Eriol, accompanied by Feimei appeared into the streetlights.

"Hey Sakura, the taxi's here. You ready to go?"

My mood lifted immediately.

"I'm ready." I said linking arms with him and Feimei.

Before I myself started walking I turned back to Tomoyo who hadn't moved. "Thanks for the party Tomoyo, I appreciate it." I genially meant that.

She nodded as if in a frightened daze but strangely kept her eyes fixed on Eriol, who did not return her gaze. He didn't even wave goodbye to her.

I thought nothing of it as we strolled away from her.

"Well, good birthday?" Eriol asked poking my side.

I smiled looking ahead at Syaoran who was putting on Fuutie's seatbelt probably mumbling to himself.

"It was… interesting."

**Took me a while to write but I hope ye like it so far :P **

**By the way hope that answers your question 'elfenknight' :P**

**Anyway I've school soon so no fast updates :( R&R! :)**


	8. A Confession

**I'm back!**

**Sorry about the late updates :( Anyways I hope you enjoy :) **

**Thanks for your reviews!**

**Syaoran's POV**

It's obvious isn't it?

I still have feelings for Sakura, last night proved that.

To see her with Reggie killed me. But realistically it doesn't matter who it was, it would destroy me to see her with any man. Was it a bad thing to tell her that?

I don't know, maybe it was.

The worst times of Sakura and my friendship was due to Reggie. We argued a lot over that asshole.

Looking over at Tomoyo I saw she was still curled up far away from me still asleep. We haven't resolved our argument from the alley.

I sighed a looked over at the window.

It wasn't Tomoyo's fault. I guess I was just over protective of my sisters. The moments before that with Sakura were just so full of emotion that Tomoyo's interruption just angered me. I guess Fuutie's drunken state was just an excuse to lash out. My temper is becoming shorter with her as each day passes. Any day now I would lose it to a stage our relationship probably won't recover from.

I guess that's because of the simple fact that she was not Sakura in any shape of form.

I'm pathetic.

I knew she was nothing like Sakura when I agreed to date her, and then get engaged to her.

I've always had feelings for Sakura, they were just always there. For Tomoyo, they had to develop slowly, gradually. However those feeling are just a pale shadow to how I have and still feel for Sakura.

What are you doing Syaoran?

_You're doing what you have to do._ A voice circled in my head.

_Flashback_

_I was so nervous my heart was punching my chest._

_I hoped she didn't notice my shudder. Being a child of fifteen I wasn't too sure on how to approach the matter. _

"_Are you ok Syaoran?" she asked._

_We were standing in her room facing each other. It was all carefully planned out in my head. Today was the day; I was going to tell her. I was determined to… so why was I going blank?_

_She waited with patience with her huge green eyes sparkling at me._

"_Um…" I stuttered. "Sakura, you know we've been good friends for quite a while now right?"_

"_Yes" She smiled which always made me blush. I guess she always had that effect on me._

"_Well I… Over time I guess I've come to think of you as a lot more… than a friend." I looked to my laces afraid her face would twist in discuss. Before she could reject me I blurted out what I was trying to say._

"_I like you Sakura." _

At the time I feared saying 'love' would freak her out. But even then, I knew I did.

_I dared to watch her reaction. _

_I saw no expression, then suddenly a smile coloured by her now reddened cheeks. The wider her smile got the quicker my heart raced. Maybe she wouldn't reject me?_

"_I like you too Syaoran… a lot." _

_For a moment it felt like we were the only ones in Tomoeda. _

_Feeling confident yet overwhelmingly terrified, my feet stepped forward to her. I inclined my head towards hers and kissed her. _

_It was explosive._

_I made up my mind; I was never going to lose her. _

_She would be mine… forever._

_End of Flashback_

I guess forever was short lived.

Later events prevented what was supposed to be.

My father died almost three weeks prior to my confession with Sakura. It devastated me in ways that I still struggle to cope with now. In that time of struggle it felt like Sakura was the only on I could speak to. She became closer to me than my own family. I guess it takes a tragedy to realise what you got.

Three days after I confessed to Sakura, more tragic news came in the form of a letter.

_Flashback_

"_You understand now Syaoran don't you? It simply cannot happen." My mother said sternly. _

_I fought the urge to tremble. The letter in my hand became suddenly heavy. _

"_W-why can't I have both?" It was a stupid question I already knew the answer to._

"_All or nothing Syaoran."_

"_I-it's not fair. Why ask this of me?" I whispered mainly to myself._

_I knew my mother loved this. She loved my dilemma because it worked in her favour. _

"_It's what you have to do Syaoran." I crumbled, whilst my mother smirked as she watched her grand plan begin to unfold before her eyes._

_End of Flashback_

I had no choice but to accept my role as a Li and sacrifice certain things.

Sakura was hard to ignore however. I busied myself in work day and night to avoid Sakura. It was hard though. My thoughts would always wander onto her. What was she doing, where was she? I hated not knowing about her life. I'm not blind. I've noticed our friendship drifting apart but unwillingly let it happen.

Since the engagement, since I planted the ring on Tomoyo's finger, a warning went of in me. It was going to happen, I was actually doing this. Maybe this fear triggered panic in me, and a longing for Sakura.

Rolling out of my bed I changed into casual wear. Tomoyo remained unconscious.

I sighed, I'd have to apologise when she wakes up. We are supposed to be the 'happy' couple, a charade on my part. You see, I could play Tomoyo feelings like an instrument. I could show her love at any given time. I could delude her into thinking I genuinely loved her. And there are times I could unintentionally take it from her. I knew she feared me at times; in fact I was afraid of myself sometimes too. It was cruel I know but over the years I could mentally block it. As long as my family and Tomoyo think we're secure in our relationship, then I was doing my job.

I guess we were all good at hiding our emotions.

I left the room and descended into the kitchen and big surprise, the table was occupied by people who _don't _live here.

"Morning." I said not so enthusiastically.

My mother finished her rant to shoot a cold look at me

"How could you let this happen?" She fumed.

"Let what happen?" I said still sleepy and not in the mood for her.

"This!" She said firing her finger to Fuutie and Feimei who were nursing their hangover with ice packs.

I laughed a little inside. This wasn't a sight I was use to. I decided because of their state it was best they stayed here last night.

I shrugged at her. "They're old enough mother they're not twelve." I said completely contradicting my thoughts on the matter earlier. I suppose I had the same thoughts as my mother last night.

"You think this is acceptable? They have a reputation for Christ's sake!"

Here we go with the whole 'Li' reputation thing. Jeeze would she ever find something else to rant on about?

I let her finish her speech while I made coffee and at the end of it I shrugged again much to her annoyance.

"Well there's nothing we can do about it now is there? It was one night and so far its not front page news so just drop it. Why are you here _again?_"

Feimei looked surprised at my response. I suppose I never really challenge my mother with petty matters such as this so I get how she's taken aback.

"I guess I'm the only one who's seeing sense." She said huffing while sitting down at the top of the table. She didn't answer my other question either. I sat beside Fuutie was still half asleep on the table and patted her back.

"How's your head? I asked in a non mocking way.

Her eye lazily made contact with mine and she just shook her head and moaned.

Mother snapped her paper of the table and glared at them.

"Get out of my sight the two of you. Make yourself busy and for God's sake have a shower. I can't have you seen in that state."

They groaned in unison and flopped of the table.

"Bye Syaoran." Fuutie said before coming to hug me, Feimei the same.

I felt sorry for them. I guess they were trying to live the rebellious life they were denied when they were teenagers. Suddenly I wasn't angry at their actions. They were still young, therefore permitted a few drunken nights. If only mother allowed them more privileges that she gave Sheifa and Fanran, maybe their escapades wouldn't be so wild.

"You know," I said to mother. "If you allowed them some freedom then they wouldn't have to hide this from you. Fuutie's twenty four. They shouldn't be living with you either." I've never voiced my opinion on how she raised us. I guess I'm only noticing it recently.

She masked her face behind the newspaper. Her red painted nails sunk into the paper, I knew she didn't like what I said. She flattened it onto the table and gave me her au fait stare.

"They were never this disobedient. None of you were. But then we had to move to Tomoeda. I told your father I had a bad feeling about this place; I've always had a good sixth sense with these things. Did he listen? No!" She looked out the window and fell into deep thought. I wonder what she would have been like had she not been dragged into the Li world.

"Syaoran, only you can take over the Li enterprise after I pass away. But you must do it right. Need I remind you how that is to be done?" Her cold face chilled me.

My jaw locked and I spoke through my teeth.

"I'm abiding by my duties, by what I was told to do."

"Your father always agreed with me. So did my girls, you. But then _she _came along."

"Leave Sakura out of this mother. She's done nothing wrong." I suddenly snapped hating where this was going.

"That little bitch turned your father against me. She charmed her way here like she was one of us. You began to disobey me too! And now look! My youngest daughters parading around the streets in an idiotic state of drunkenness! Don't think I don't know Syaoran because I know everything! It's all because of Kinomoto! Feimei and Fuutie were doing fine here until they encountered _her_." Her voice rose agitated.

She was on the edge of her seat. Thankfully she breathed whilst gracefully falling back into her seat.

She left an uncomfortable atmosphere. Sipping the last drop of her coffee she rose to take her leave.

"If dad really did _turn against _you, do you really think it was because of Sakura?" I dared to say.

Her sharp eyes held mine and I had to break of eye contact. I guess I got my glare from her.

"I don't want to discuss this further Syaoran,"

I'm guessing she said this because Tomoyo came into the kitchen fully dressed. When she saw my mother she stiffened and bowed slightly. A gesture I thought by now she did not need to do.

"Li-san." She said. She looked wrecked, like she hadn't slept a wink all night.

"Come now Tomoyo, you may call me Yelen now." She smiled. A rare thing to see on my mother. "We're practically family already."

Tomoyo looked lost of words. I could tell she was suspicious of Mother's sudden warmness to her. I forgot what she said last time she was here. She wanted to take Tomoyo under her wing.

"Um…Thank you Li-sa- Yelen." I was weird to hear her call her that. She looked awkward in this situation.

"When I return from Hong Kong you and I will start the designs on your wedding dress. We really don't see enough of each other. Anyways," She said rising up. "I'm late." She concluded.

"Late for what?" She strode past me.

"I've a medical appointment back in Hong Kong." She tucked the paper under her arm.

"Is everything ok?"

"Fine." She concluded. "I'm getting this bothersome asthma treated."

Her crutch, something to remind me she actually was human.

When she left there was silence between Tomoyo and I.

Suck it up Syaoran.

I walked up the her slowly as not to startle her. She wasn't wearing make-up but she still looked beautiful. Tired but beautiful.

"Tomoyo," I said touching her elbow softly and facing her. "About last night."

"Forget about it." she said breaking away from me to grab her suitcase.

What the hell? Shit she was seriously mad. Was I that bad?

"Tomoyo-"

"I'm late for work Syaoran."

"Tomoyo please." I blocked her way out. "I'm sorry, for yelling at you." I was turning on the charm, a tool in manipulating her emotions. It never failed.

She looked at me with dead eyes. Whatever was on her mind prevented her from reacting normally to me.

"It's fine." She said stiffly.

"Ok." I leaned in to kiss her on the lips, whatever happens, for the mean time I had to make sure we appeared ok in our engagement. She turned her head so I ended up kissing her cheek.

She…. Rejected me?

"I'm late. I'll see you later." She couldn't look at me. Swiftly she left me to myself.

Shit… I'm going to have to make it up to her. As much as it worried me that she was upset, it was over shadowed by the fact I would be seeing Sakura later.

After our last meeting, I was anxious to speak to her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Sakura's POV**

Hangovers are a bitch.

I wished I didn't wake up because the second I opened my eyes I was greeted by what felt like road works drilling into my head.

"Ow" I said bringing my hands to my head.

Oh God, I will NEVER drink again! The churning in my stomach agreed with that.

Thankfully I didn't puke when I rolled out of bed and into the kitchen.

"Morning." Eriol said a little too cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Feel like shit." I said plonking down on the stool.

"Here." He said placing a glass of water and two aspirin in front of me. I eagerly took them to aid my seriously thumping head.

"Eriol, did I do anything stupid? I'm kinda getting flashbacks."

Eriol suddenly narrowed his eyes at me.

"Apart from the whole Reggie thing?"

Shit… that really did happen.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously, it's a good thing Syaoran was there. Reggie can be a fucking psycho path and don't even try to deny that."

"I know." I said over and over again until he was satisfied I knew what an idiot I was.

My eyes widened as my mind tried to remember what I said to Tomoyo.

"Shit." I muttered squeezing my eyes in anger. If only I could pinpoint exactly what I said- OH SHIT! Vivid images of Syaoran and I flooded my brain.

The alleyway, the incident with Reggie…

"I don't want to see you with any man….."

"Fuck!" I gritted my teeth.

"What?"

"Nothing." I waved it off. How would I face Syaoran now? How can I face him when there's a possibility he feels the same for me? I guess there was nothing I could do about it now. At that moment I prayed I didn't say anything that might have indicated how I felt for him.

"Fuck!" I screamed.

"What now?" I was starting to irritate him.

Tomoyo. Words were exchanged between the two of us. Oh God if only I remembered what it was.

"By the way, how are you and Tomoyo?" I asked genuinely trying to wing my thoughts away from last night's events.

"Fine." He said a little too quickly. Quickly enough to convince me he was hiding something.

I would have questioned further except my head was pounding however on the mend thanks to the aspirin.

Sulkily I slumped of the chair to get ready for _work_. I tell you, I cannot wait until I finish the plans for the new Li house. I should be finished by the end of this week and when that happens, I'll be finished intervening with Syaoran and Tomoyo's plans.

As I entered my room I noticed a red light flashing on my phone.

I listened to the voicemail while changing.

"_Ms Kinomoto, this is Mark Connelly from Section23 Designs. I'm sorry for the late reply to your résumé but I am very impressed with you. In fact we'd like to offer you a permanent position on a project that starts this coming August. We'd really love to have you on our team Ms Kinomoto. I look forward to your reply."_

He read out his contact details while I stood frozen half dressed.

Section 23Designs….that was in Canada…

I didn't delete the message, nor did I rush to reply.

I couldn't go to Canada… could I?

I couldn't leave my home… leave my family and everything I had… could I?

"Sakura I'm heading out." Eriol said from the kitchen.

"Ok." I said meekly not even remotely concerned where Eriol was going.

This event was a strange blip on my radar.

But for now, it could wait.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Syaoran's POV**

As I drive through Tomoeda I glanced at y watch and prayed she was still there.

Pulling up to the house I was relieved to see her car parked parallel to the house.

My palm began to sweat as I made my way towards the tiny room.

There she sat, cross legged with a sketch pad in her hands. For a moment I thought she didn't notice me come in. I stood at the door frame just watching her make creations from pen and paper.

She froze mid sketch and noticed my presence.

The corner of her lips pulled downwards for a brief second before she returned her attention back to what she was doing.

Inside I sighed.

I knew Sakura well enough to know when she was giving me the cold shoulder. It was something she had perfected through the years, mainly because of me.

I didn't know how to approach her after the incident at her birthday. She had a right to ignore me, I did the same to her, then I almost confessed my feelings.

"Hey, how are the plans going?" I thought that was a safe bet.

"Fine." She said curtly. "I'm finished."

"Oh…" I said trying to hide my disappointment. I secretly wished the whole thing would last longer.

As she finished off the last details I couldn't help but notice how unbelievably beautiful she was.

Don't get me wrong, she was always beautiful, but something has changed recently. It was as if I could admire her and not be ashamed or guilty… or even care.

Her signature brown hair was softly cut at her neck. She grew since high school but kept a petite doll-like frame.

I had to cross my arms to resist the urge to pick her up and not let go.

How could you cause someone like that so much pain Syaoran?

I had to depart briefly from her to check on something.

The lavender box sat in the corner collecting dust and plaster. It hadn't been touched since I left it there. I buried my hands into it pulling out the letter. Once again I ran my finger along the side of it. My eyes glanced at the familiar writing on the front.

'_**To**__** Syaoran'**_

I sighed and folder it into my back pocket. They say you shouldn't dig up the past. I guess I was stubborn like my father.

In my state of melancholy I heard the familiar sweet sound of cello's and piano echo from the room.

I emerged back to Sakura to find her dancing lightly holding an invisible person and swaying to the music.

Ah yes, my back up plan.

I slowly fitted myself into her empty arms, taking her by surprise. Her expressionless face gradually began to harbour some warmth as we danced. I didn't fumble, or step on her toes, or move the wrong way. I had become good at this now.

She was a good teacher.

There was a slight awkwardness with the absence of conversation. We were probably thinking the same thing. What happens here?

I hoped she remembered what I was trying to say before we were interrupted by Fuutie and Tomoyo.

Judging by her quietness, I'm guessing she did.

I started a conversation, me talking on the most part, she listened intently agreeing every now and again with some laughter. God I missed her laugh.

Without a doubt, there was a noticeable closeness between us since our first lesson. She didn't shy away from my hand on her waist. Her head rested slightly on my chest, something she never did before. My hand, as if it had a mind of its own, began to softly stroke her back.

You could say it was intimate.

It was best not to mention Reggie. Why bring all that up? He's out of her life for good now anyway. Problem is I thought he was gone a long time ago. The fact I didn't know as much about Sakura as I use to bothered me.

"We've grown apart." I said.

Three weeks ago I wouldn't have said that. I knew it would throw her off, and it did.

She said nothing for a second. "I was thinking the same thing."

This took me by surprise; I honestly didn't think she'd care. "It's like I blinked and then suddenly I just didn't know you anymore. You've changed but yet I know you're the same. I guess I'm only after realising this since you and Tomoyo got engaged, it's weird, not being able to talk to you like I use to." There was sadness in her voice.

She summed up exactly how I felt.

My hand continued to stroke her back and the distance between us closed. I held her soft hand in mine with my thumb stroking her finger, her diamond less wedding finger.

"You think I've changed?" I whispered in her ear.

"Yes. I don't feel like I know you as well as I use to."

"We maybe we should test that theory out."

She raised her head, planting her emerald eyed stare at me. She raised a perfect eyebrow questioning me.

"Question me."

For a second she was confused before smirking as she remembered out little game we had in middle school of 'getting to know you' We were paired together and this proved the only way of learning about each other.

"Fine." She agreed. "…. What's your favourite colour?"

It was a simple enough question, and I was happy it started out easy.

"Blue."

I could see her smile. "Nothing's changed there, favourite place?"

"Hong Kong, when my family _isn't _there."

She laughed. The whole mood seemed to lift since my arrival.

"Ok then… favourite sister?"

"I can't answer that!"

"Ok then least favourite?"

"Fanran." I said immediately.

I felt like I was transported back five years ago when we were practising for prom. Back when I _could _have been intimate. Back when I had the opportunity to claim her.

The music switched between tracks without our notice as she questioned me further. I missed this, I missed being with her in this casual environment untainted by awkwardness of guilt.

A few questions later I noticed a slight alter in her mood.

Her eyes, like two green orbs met with mine and I knew she was treading towards something.

"What's you worst memory?"

I gulped.

Images of drained white walls and maroon coloured carpet flooded my mind and the smell of coffee, cold and brown wetting the office desk and staining my fathers pale, dead hand.

"My fathers' death and how I came upon it." I whispered.

She nodded expecting that answer. I could still only ever talk about it to her. I could never open up about this to Tomoyo.

"What your biggest regret?" We shifted to a steadier pace.

I smiled to myself not in amusement but in self pity. "I've too many. Where can I begin? Letting Fanran away with so much shit, not standing up to my mother on countless occasions, not getting to say goodbye to my father….."

There was an awkward pause before the next few words fell from my mouth, and whispered themselves low into her ear. "Hurting you."

Our feet simultaneously froze mid-step.

"Not holding on to you."

It was said.

I heard her catch her breath.

"Being stupid enough to lose you." It was barely a whisper and I felt her shiver within my enclosing arms.

I thought she'd be shocked. Don't get me wrong she was I could judge by the expansion in her eyes. Maybe in a sense she was braced for something like this after our moment on the night of her birthday.

Maybe that was why she allowed herself to continue.

"What's your biggest fear Syaoran?" Her whisper quickened my pulse.

The CD finished its last tune and silence appropriately settled among us.

There was really no going back now. Hey small porcelain face beautiful and puzzled was willing me to say it.

"Losing you forever." When she looked at me time stood still. I stood judging her reaction, my heart punching my chest.

We thought the same thing as our heads inclined closer towards each other. I looked at her soft pink lips, which parted with every inched I closed in.

We were close now. I could feel her pulse thumping in her wrist.

Our foreheads touched, the tips of our noses, and then…..

"Syaoran," she said stopping at the last second. "The last time you kissed me, you made me so… happy."

A smile coloured her face, faltered by a shiny tear that fell down her cheek.

"But then… you did something that…that … hurt me in ways I still…haven't gotten over. So… if you're going to hurt me again then please, don't kiss me. Don't fill me with false hope… please." I could feel her shake, her breath uneven on my lips which selfishly ached for hers.

She was so right.

I hesitated, I longed for her right now. I should reclaim her, deep down in my heart she was always mine.

Could I promise her that? I didn't want to ever hurt her again. I hate myself already for that.

"Sakura… I never want to hurt you again. And I promise, I'll never will."

Was it wrong to say something like that? Could I keep that promise?

"I love you Sakura."

She saddened. "You've said that to me once before, and then broke my heart."

It killed me to hear that.

I kissed her forehead and lingered there.

"I meant it then, and I still do. I just let a series of interferences get in the way of us. Believe me Sakura, not a day has gone by without me thinking of what could have been."

Tears started to stream down her cheeks now and I saw something light in her. Was it genuine happiness? Small pearly teeth were visible through her smile.

It was her who placed her lips on mine.

Explosions.

It became intense. My hands placed themselves on her waist as she grabbed fistfuls of my hair, pulling me closer. It was meant to be, meant to be for five years.

She pulled away to allow us to catch our breaths. "Don't hurt me again Syaoran, I don't think I can take something like that again."

I brushed my lips against hers, my Sakura.

"I never want to hurt you again. Tomoyo and I were never meant to be, and we never will. I know how selfish I'm being putting you into this position. But some day I'll explain everything. For now, there are still some things I have yet to understand. Just know it was always you. I'm so sorry Sakura."

I concluded this promise with a kiss.

"It was always you."

Golden rays of sunset honeyed her angelic face.

I would make her mine somehow. I would undo all the damages I have done, even at the risk of Tomoyo's feelings.

My heart promised this.

I rocked her back and forth kissing her gently, ignoring the letter lurking in my pocket which suddenly, became very, very heavy.

**I didn't know how to approach this chapter in a way that most people would like but this is exactly how I saw it :)**

**Unfortunately school life is completely taking over so I'm sorry for the late update and for future delays in updates too :/**

**Keep reading and reviewing thaaaaanks!**


	9. Patience

**And I'm back! These chapters took a while so apologies! **

**Really hope ye enjoy these two chapters! R&R! :) **

**Tomoyo's POV**

I stumbled into the house exhausted.

Hauling nine shopping bags into the hall and signed on today's events. When the doorbell rang at nine this morning I knew there was something bad waiting behind it.

Even worse.

Fanran.

"Tomoyo! What are doing still in bed clothes?" She exclaimed dressed in a short lime green Prada dress smartly accompanied by a grey suit jacket.

"It's early." I mumbled really not in the mood for her. In fact I wasn't in the mood for anyone. These past days have been really….empty.

"Well you better hurry D'maras Lore doesn't wait for just anyone." She said as she sauntered in followed by Sheifa who I didn't even notice quietly standing behind Fanran. She bowed politely and smiled whilst following suit with Fanran.

"D-D'maras Lore!" I stuttered even mentioning the name of the world's greatest designer, specialising in wedding dresses.

"Of course Tomoyo." She half scoffed. "Only the best for the future Mrs Li." She smiled and winked at me.

Sheifa behind her mimicked her smile.

"So get dressed already we've to be there in an hour."

I half ran to my room to change. Many times I've written articles in reference to D'maras Lore. In fact she was my whole inspiration for getting into fashion. And someone like me was going to meet her…

It's been a while since I wore Chanel and I have to admit, it felt good to be back into. I nestled into a deep purple fitted everyday dress accessorised by diamond stud earrings and bracelets.

As I grabbed my coat I caught sight of myself in the mirror. Eyeing up my figure, more curvy than Sakura's but not as petite. Five years ago I wouldn't have recognised myself.

I've changed.

My wedding finger harboured a diamond I was unworthy of. In my head I imagined my reflection scowling at me in disgust. Spitting at me, '_unworthy deceitful whore' _it seemed to mouth at me. My lip quivered as I looked down at my white leather stilettos.

"Tomoyo!" Fanran's voice snapped.

"Deep breath's" I told myself before turning my heel and my back to before I started to agree with it.

We were chauffeured into Tokyo city centre. I had to admit, I was shaking.

"Relax," Fanran said for the hundredth time as we stepped out of the limo.

I straightened out any creases in my skirt and checked my make-up in any shiny surface. I was being vein I know.

Sheifa, Fanran and I entered the mall and turned right on the fifth floor into a little corridor that was isolated. I didn't even know it existed.

I noticed a well dressed woman with a sharp bob looking very impatient.

"Mom?" I said slightly shocked.

When she looked at me she smiled and stood up excitedly. "Oh Tomoyo I've waited so long for this day!" She clapped more exited than me.

I smiled nervously and followed Fanran and Sheifa with my mother clinging onto my sleeve slightly embarrassing me.

The store was quaint. Not overly-fancy but yet lavishly delicate. We sat down on the four waiting seats.

I whispered to my mother. "Why didn't you tell me we were coming here earlier?" I said annoyed that this was being sprung on me last minute, especially by Fanran of all people.

"She pried her eyes from the gold heels displayed on the shelf beside her. "Oh darling I wanted to keep it a surprise!" She exclaimed too loudly which echoed throughout the store and brought with it footsteps from the back room. "And stop that!" She said slapping my hand away from my hair. I couldn't help it. I was nervous.

A tall woman with silver hair cropped severely at the shoulder emerged from the back door. My hands shook.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you were here already." Her voice was sharp but admirable.

I braced myself to introduce myself but was cut short by Fanran.

"Mrs Lore and pleasure to see you again." Fanran said sashaying over to her to shake her hand.

Again? Why were people not telling me anything! I found myself once again being left out of the loop.

"Daidouji-san, an honour to finally meet the future Mrs Li." She said my name. It was an honour for _her_. I nearly scoffed in her face.

I bowed slightly then proceeded to shake her hand.

Sheifa surprisingly got the proceedings going. She turned to face me and said, "Mother and I have picked out some choices for you if you'd like to try them on." She said politely inclining towards the dressing room.

I tried not to show my annoyance in the fact my wedding dress was being _chosen_ for me.

While in the changing room it occurred to me that this was all becoming very, very real. Frighteningly real. The years slipped my notice and many times I pictured this moment and yet I wasn't as exited as I saw myself to be in my head. I was nervous, clumsy even as I tried for the third time to navigate my arms into the right holes of the dress. As I slipped into a figure hugging dress with a fish tail ending I couldn't shake my mind of something. There it was again, my reflection, hating me.

I turned my back to it once again.

My mother gushed at the sight of me.

"Oh it's perfect Tomoyo absolutely perfect! I'm sure that's the one!" She squealed like a little girl.

Obviously she didn't see the dissatisfied smirk on Fanran and Sheifa's face.

"You look frumpy. Try the next one on." She said and continued to flick through her magazine.

As if a sudden change of mind my mother mimicked Fanran's exact words.

"She's right darling it's too frumpy."

I mentally rolled my eyes at her and proceeded with the next dress.

Luck number three I thought as I stepped out in a sleek silk dress fitted at the bodice and laced with diamonds.

Fanran and Sheifa looked upon me with approving eyes. Sheifa even smiled, a rare thing, and my mother… well she looked like she would cry.

"Perfect." Fanran said nodding to D'maras.

"I'll need to make some alterations." She said. "I'll do them personally." She said nodding and me with a gentle smile.

They fussed over the alterations, size and shoes whilst I gazed at myself in the mirror. It was perfect, in every way it was what I was looking for. I couldn't stop smiling which Sheifa took note of.

"Happy, Daidouji?" She asked with a self-pleasing smile.

"I- I just didn't think anything like this could happen when is young… not for me anyway." I said my voice almost breaking.

Sheifa fixed my hair, pulling it out of my face and gently moulding it into a soft bun on my head. She, like a generous snake, whispered into my ear, "This is only the beginning Tomoyo, the riches that come with being a Li are like nothing you will ever experience. Take my word, this is only the start. When people see you on your wedding day, they'll be envious. They'll want to be you knowing what's in store for you. D'maras is very interested in your work… I even heard she wants to have you on her team as editor-in-chief on her Japan magazine edition."

My eyes expanded to a size they've never been before.

"I-th- that can't be right." I whispered back. "She would consider me…. Would she?"

Sheifa swayed her eyes over to Fanran who was pressing a dress against her longing to try it on. Of course someone like her would take more interest in herself than the actual bride to be….

"We can make that happen. Mother, Fanran, me…. Anything you want."

It wasn't like Sheifa to be like this. The normally silent sister, Fanran's back-up, the one who usually sniggered in the background when I messed up, she never spoke to me before. Was she up to something? She has no motive though. I suddenly felt my heart pulse harder. Was it a warning? A warning to be a good wife? A _faithful _wife? Was she just passing on a message from Yelen?

No... I was being paranoid. But something in the gleam of her eye, resembling Yelen's made me very uneasy. Looking back at my reflection I was filled with a new feeling. I felt metaphorically taller.

Tomoyo Li.

Editor-in-chief of Japan best selling magazine.

Sheifa said it could happen. Correction- she could make it happen. This was a strange path indeed I was threading on.

I trailed behind my mother and Fanran gazing lazily at couples sitting at the fountain, floating around shops just…. being together. And I, alone and lonely, couldn't help but to sigh. It occurred to me that not once while I was with D'maras or Fanran, or in a 350'000 dollar dress, did I think of Syaoran.

My Fiancée.

We did reconcile after our fight but to be honest, things were certainly not the same. We were so distant now I felt like I was living with a stranger.

Ok yes, I know, what went on between me and Eriol might have something to do with it. I honestly can't look at Syaoran in the eye anymore. I sighed again as guilt ate away at me when I noticed a sapphire ring winking at me in the window of a jeweller store.

Eriol…

This is crazy! I can't get him out of my head!

"The ring Syaoran got not big enough Tomoyo-san?" Sheifa said coming up behind me suddenly with a tone and face of disapproval.

"No-no!" I stuttered under her speculative eye. What is up with her today?

I wandered around aimlessly until finally Fanran called the chauffer to take us home.

So here I was, slumped against the front door lost in a mass of bags wondering what the hell I was going to do now about Eriol. I couldn't leave it just hanging un-addressed.

Then, like as if faith was nudging at me, the sound of our grand piano echoed throughout the halls and flowed softly to me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I tried to push myself through the wall behind me in fear.

Shakily I wobbled through the hallway which seemed to shrink narrower and narrower with each step I took.

The music room was open just a fraction. The piano, muted behind the large wooden door. As soon as my hand touched the cold wood the music stopped and I, stood there bracing myself as the door creaked open. With his back faced to me I decided there and then, whatever this thing was between us, it had to be sorted.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Sakura's POV**

"How the hell did you get me a job in CANADA!" I said raising my eyebrows to my brother.

He shrugged and continued to rummage through the fridge. "I told you, I have contacts."

I rolled my eyes. "You said that already. But seriously Canada's on the other side of the world!"

"I think you'd like it," Yukito chimed beside me. "You'd settle in well there."

I frowned and gazed deeply into my black tea. "Nice to know I'd be missed." I said jokingly.

Yukito patted my back smiling. "Of course we'd miss you. Also-" The ring of his cell phone cut him off and he excused himself.

When Yukito's voice muffled out Toya joined me and said in a low voice so dad and Yukito wouldn't hear.

"Ok look, there are a few small jobs in Tokyo I could probably get you for now. I just thought that… you'd kinda want to be away from here. With everything happening at the moment with Syaoran and Tomoyo's wedding I didn't think you'd want to be here."

I said nothing.

Of course he's say something like that. I couldn't blame him. Toya was clueless to Syaoran and my recent how would you put it…confession. He had no idea of Syaoran and my unnecessary 'dance sessions' or of our excuses to 'discuss' the plans for his house. Before you ask... no. I didn't sleep with him. Nor did we make moves to. I couldn't do that to Tomoyo or complicate my life _entirely_. But day by day we became dangerously more romantic. Of course Tomoyo crossed my mind more often than not. I felt sick to my stomach to be with Syaoran and yet, the fact it felt so right to be with him shadowed my will to end it. It also for the time being, caged my worries about Tomoyo.

"Yeah. Thanks, I'll think about it. I'" I said meekly.

Toya smiled pleased with himself and continued to make dinner. If that were Eriol, he'd see right through me. He'd sense something very wrong and interrogate me. Things were going good for Toya at the moment though, great job, solid relationship… I didn't want to burden him with my problems.

Staring into the murky tea my gut turned. I never even told Syaoran about Canada.

What are you doing Sakura? I asked myself and as usual, continued to act like everything was normal.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I don't understand." He said with a dopey expression and arching his thick bushy eyebrows.

"For the last time! That wall needs to be knocked down! Wall. Down. Gone. As in there should be no more wall when you're finished!" I but back from biting his head of.

He looked at me goofily and gave me the thumbs up and waddled away to join the other builders laughing at something I said. I rolled my eyes and questioned why Syaoran hired builders who had very little Japanese.

When I saw his jeep pull up my heart raced. Even a month later I still shook. My attention however was drawn to the two builders who were loaded with two sledgehammers.

"Hey! No not that wall!" I said running towards the builders who were eager to knock down the wrong wall.

When I turned back I saw Syaoran had disappeared into that small room that adjoined the room I was in. Why was he obsessed with that room? Whatever was in there he always emerged a little bleaker than when he entered.

"How's it coming along?" He asked trying to perk up from whatever seemed to bother him.

"Ok. I'd prefer it if you hired Japanese speaking staff." I said watching them work; terrified they make a mistake if I blinked for even a second.

He smiled and then subtly, tugged on my fingers; inclining me to follow. I hope he didn't notice me tremble at his touch.

We slipped through the blunder and construction equipment and onto the dirt path that led away from other people. We were weary to keep an unsuspicious gap between us so as to not cause any questions. Witnesses, you could call them. As soon as the tall trees engulfed us his hand intertwined into mine and pushed me half eagerly to a tree.

Our lips re-acquainted themselves for quite sometime. I broke suddenly fearful of the fact other eyes could be watching.

"Syaoran..." I hesitated and bit my lip not knowing how to approach this. "What we're doing… I…" I slipped around him. "We can't just continue like this. Lying to Tomoyo I mean, don't you feel bad?" I searched his eyes for an answer that I knew he didn't want to give.

"Of course I feel bad. I feel awful but… You _know_ I don't feel the same way about her. I mean," He paced a few meters away from me. "I've tried, I've tried to love her the way I love you but you can't force these things Sakura." His eyes begged me to understand.

But there was a part of me that wasn't happy, a part of me that decided to voice itself.

"Then why Syaoran? Why did you do it?" He maintained my gaze for a brief moment before flickering it towards the lake. I knew what that meant. He would try to draw my attention away from the subject. I wasn't going to let that happen. It wasn't fair of him to do so.

"I deserve an answer Syaoran!" I said loudly enough to startle crows from their branches. "It's not fair that I was put through all that pain for all these years without knowing what I did!"

I saw his body tense. I too was on edge waiting for an answer.

"You… think this is your fault?"

"It must be." I said trying to maintain my dignity by refusing to let my voice break. "One day you told me you love me and then… you," I still to this day couldn't bring myself to say it.

The fact he broke my heart for Tomoyo.

"You know what I'm trying to say. Now it's like it's happening all over again but I'm terrified that you'll hurt me like that again! I don't want to re-live it twice Syaoran. I won't put myself through it."

Thank God the distant roaring machinery muffled out my now rising voice.

"Sakura… It's not your fault." His tone dropped to almost incoherency, "It's mine, all mine."

"Stop saying that! That doesn't explain anything to me! I need to know _why_!" I threw my hands out at him furiously. My patience was wearing thin.

"Sakura… Give me some time please, I promise I'll explain-"

"NO SYAORAN!" I flared. "It's not fair!" I repeated like a spoilt child. "Do you even know how much this is killing me? I have no idea how to face Tomoyo when I see her." I balled my fists ready to punch the nearest tree.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply as if trying to calm the both of us.

My eyes, incredulously scanned over his body. It was so wrong to want him to kiss me at this point. There was this invisible force trying to bring me to him. But stubborn I remained. If I went into his arms, apologised for being like this and kissed him, allowed him to embrace me, I would only hate myself for that later.

"Sakura, I can't explain to you because… I don't know myself. But I want to be with you and _only _you! It will happen Sakura I will find a way around it."

"Why can't you just leave Tomoyo?" I blurted without fully processing how that would go down.

I saw him flinch a little as I said that. I didn't blame him. Not even I expected that to come from my mouth.

"It's not as simple as that Sakura."

"Why?" I said allowing a single tear to stream down my cheek. "You said you loved me, you want to be with me but… I don't understand you. How can you live in a house with a woman you're going to marry and yet allow yourself to be with me? Tomoyo was once my best friend and I hate going behind her back like this even though, she once did the same to me. I know I'm no saint; I've a part to play in all this too but… isn't it better to tell Tomoyo now, then to have her figure it all out later, humiliated and embarrassed?"

"There were…external forces… involved." I saw his face shame away from mine.

I became sceptical as I arched my eyebrow at him. Then the realisation came to knock me square in the face.

"It's your mother, isn't it!" My tone going from hurt to accusing.

I saw a dark tint cast down his eyes which to me, clarified I was on the right track.

My chest tightened in anger and fury to see Yelen's face flash before my eyes. Her smirk, it had to be her!

"Sakura," I didn't even realise Syaoran had closed the gap between us and clamped his hands onto my shoulders.

"I know you and please… Don't assume theories."

"So I'm right, it has to do with Yelen." I tried not to let my voice break but failed miserably on the last syllable.

"Stop." He said firmly. I didn't understand. Was he trying to protect me from the truth? Or was he too ashamed too

Ashamed to admit that maybe… he genuinely did want Tomoyo to begin with.

"The truth will hurt you Sakura."

I bit my lip to stop me from quivering with rage. "You don't think I'm hurting already? I don't want to be the _other_ woman for the rest of my life Syaoran. If you have any feelings for Tomoyo… or want to then, maybe I shouldn't even be in the picture."

Maybe I should have stuck to my oath.

Instead of answering he captured my lips again in the gentlest way thus silencing my panic.

"I love Tomoyo, as a friend. It should have stayed that way. I don't want you to feel forced to see me like this. I'll understand if you want to stop all this. But you will certainly _not_ remain the _other_ woman." He said this with such determination I was swayed to believe it was true. On the other hand… why couldn't he tell me?

I shook my head and leaned into his chest, embracing the warmth. His arms closed in, stroking my back and lightly kissing my forehead.

"I don't want to stop this Syaoran. I just want to change it. I don't want to feel guilty for being with you, or betraying Tomoyo. This all goes completely against my moral conscience." I moaned inhaling his manly smell.

"I know…I know…" He chanted into my ear. "I'll make it all right. And if I can't, I'll use my last resort to be with you. We'll be happy…eventually." I yearned to know what he meant by that, but I kept my lips closed, afraid to ruin the moment.

He never sounded sweeter. The usually rough, temperamental Syaoran had temporarily left. These moments of sweetness made me want him more. But it wasn't just that. It was all of him, temper and all that made me love him.

He took my hand in mine and led me on the path back to the house. Back to reality, to wishful thinking and hope that he meant what he said. That this would turn out right.

"By the way, it's the sixth next Friday." He said with his tone dropping to serious melancholy.

I sighed and clutched his hand tighter.

The sixth of February was the most depressing time for the Li family, especially for Syaoran.

"Six years goes by fast." I said sadly.

Syaoran nodded and remained composed but I knew inside, he was still in the depths of grief.

Xiao Lang, Syaoran's father would be dead six years next Tuesday. An event Syaoran would never completely come to terms with.

"I'm sorry Syaoran. I feel like a complete bitch for I said back there! You should have said something. I know what a difficult time this is for you." I felt like such an ass.

He laughed and told me not to be so stupid. He also made me promise not to feel like this was not my fault.

"I was the one who fucked up. Not you." He said sternly making sure I understood. I promised and sealed it with a kiss. But not even the blaze and passion in his golden eyes could erase any doubt in my mind. What if he couldn't make it happen? What if this was just a fantasy we wanted so much we deluded ourselves into thinking we could transfer it to reality?

What if Tomoyo gets hurt more than I imagined she would?

What if these 'external forces' win their battle in keeping us apart…forever?


	10. The Letter

**Tomoyo's POV**

He sat with his back to me, his fingers hovering over the ivory piano keys.

In the open doorway I stood suddenly loosing my nerve. His head turned a fraction my way and I could see the corner of his lip twitch upwards and then resume the melancholy tune he was playing.

I stepped onto the dark brown wooden floor, an echo seemed to boom from it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a quiet but stern voice.

At first I didn't think he heard me but he then pressed the pedal on the piano thus, quietening it.

"Syaoran said I was welcome here anytime I wish and besides, it's not like its being used much these days is it?" It was a rhetorical question with an undercurrent insinuation that I chose to ignore.

"I guess not."

He continued to play and every note seemed to tug me nearer to him. I stood over his shoulder like a child who was witnessing something fantastical.

For me, it was something wonderful, a guilty privilege to see Eriol play.

I found myself too weak to stand and so placed myself sitting beside him on the piano stool facing the opposite way. I closed my eyes and felt warm his shoulder brush against mine as he reached for different chords.

"Do you still sing?"

I shook my head both as a reply to his question and to mentally shake out a bad memory.

"_While you do have a lovely voice Tomoyo, you must not get carried away with this silly little obsession. What career will you possibly get out of that? Who put all of this in your head? Was it that stupid little piano boy? That boy is no good, poisoning your mind with ridiculous little notions! No my dear, everyone is entitled to have some silly little past time, that's why it's called a hobby!" This, coming from my mother._

I never sang much after she said that. I never saw much of Eriol either. We used to practise together as kids. I guess that's where the attraction for him started and maybe, still lingers.

A soporific atmosphere settled and when I felt at ease I braced myself.

Come on Tomoyo, just say it.

"I'm sorry for slapping you… the other night." I could practically feel his smile beside me.

"Don't worry about it." He said meaning it.

Feeling too comfortable with the situation I became defensive.

"You shouldn't have brought me there though!" I said too harshly for even my liking.

"You wanted to talk." He said not really stirred by my tone.

"So you dragged me into a dark cellar, confined me then kissed me!" I blurted annoyed.

He stopped playing.

His sapphire eyes intense and angered.

I gulped knowing what was to come.

"First of all, it was a storage room, not a cellar, second of all I didn't _confine_ you anywhere, if you recall I welcomed you to leave but you chose not to. Thirdly, as for _me _kissing _you…." _He scoffed and glared at the manuscript in front of him. "I'm not even going to entertain your version on that."

He resumed playing but in a more minor depressing key.

I looked at him but he didn't return my gaze, he only frowned at his hands as they flowed angrily over the black and white keys. Now you've done it Tomoyo.

I felt so low, he was right. It was all me. _I_ wanted to talk to him out of pure jealousy of Fanran, _I_ chose to stay with him knowing I could have left, _I _kissed _him…_ It was all me and here I was, blaming him for it.

"You're right Eriol. I'm sorry," I fixated my eyes onto the floor so as he couldn't see them welling up. "I guess I feel guilty for it… so much so that I want to blame it on you." I felt a tiny metaphorical weight being plucked of my shoulders as I aired my thoughts.

Honesty with myself is something I'm not very used to. Denial however… I'm no stranger to that.

He breathed deeply and nodded understanding of my apology. We sat a while there saying nothing but simply being in each others presence. Only then did I realise how… lonely I was lately.

"Why are you nervous Tomoyo?" He said suddenly. I opened my eyes to woefully discover my fingers playing and picking at the ends of my hair.

"I'm not." I whispered unconvincingly.

"Tell me what's on your mind." He said in a lulling way.

"Too much." I sighed.

"I want to know." A welcoming tone was coherent in his voice.

I don't know if it was the sweet music floating in the air or the fact my head was too exhausted to hold itself up, but either way I rested it against his shoulder,

"Where do I begin?" I laughed, almost bracing myself for the unknown thought that could flow from my mouth. It was him who started me off.

"You've been unhappy a long time, haven't you Tomoyo?" He commented.

There that word was again… _unhappy_. It seemed to forever float about in the background of my mind.

I sighed and allowed some of my sorrows to fall through my lips. "I guess I have been."

"Why do you think that is?"

I bit my lip. "Because… I'm afraid that I… that I…" I struggled to form words.

"You'll what Tomoyo?"

"That I'm not… good enough… to be married to Syaoran. I'm afraid that he's beginning to realise that too and slowly…draw away from me, hating me."

"Syaoran doesn't hate you Tomoyo."

"He doesn't love me." I blurted.

"I'm sure he does."

"No, he doesn't. Even worse, he's not the man I fell in love with either. I'm scared that… I'm failing him."

"Him, or your mother?" He said more forcefully but trying to keep it under control. Whenever my mother came into the conversation Eriol always tensed. He had a secret hatred for my mother, one of his rare emotions he kept under wraps.

A pain rose from my chest. How could I be saying this? To him of all people? How could it feel…. So natural?

"Both maybe…" I confessed.

"You seemed so happy with him before, why the sudden change of heart?"

"I don't know. So much has changed since we got engaged. It all became so real. I don't know." I said waving my hand to dismiss the topic. He chose not to leave it.

"You're not digging deep enough Tomoyo. Why are you holding back? It's me you're talking to." He said and captured my gaze, begging me to open up to him. It was as if my burden was his and by freeing myself, it would also free him. The pain in my chest rose, almost like my ribcage was closing in, choking my heart.

I glared at the ring. Hating it's heaviness that weighed me down for a long time now.

"What if we're both in denial? What if we can't find the love we initially had for each other? What if I become one of those women trapped in a loveless marriage taking my anger out on the world by criticising others faults because I'm jealous of what they have and what I could have had and have been denied, like… Fanran?" I gasped at this theory.

Me? Like Fanran? Could that happen?

"You will never be like her." Eriol said finally speaking but still analyzing me face, daring me to keep going.

It was like my very inner most thoughts that I didn't even know were there were unfolding, thankful that they were discovered.

"Of course I could be. I'm sure once she was normal, than forced to marry a man who doesn't love her. I could be her Eriol. Or worse, I could be a woman completely dependant on her husband, I'd have to drop my job to take the position of 'trophy wife' where I willingly accept money, clothes and jewellery as substitutes for my husbands genuine love. I'd be constantly and forever obsessed with keeping on top of the social ladder, licking up to rich people who are void of any personality, leeching of them to better my own pathetic life because inside I've allowed myself to become shallow and insecure and self-absorbed just like… my mother."

I began to tremble. This was too much.

"The very thing I never want to be and yet, I am becoming her successor." I said with my voice breaking.

Before I broke completely he pulled me into him and allowed me to cry into his shirt. No! I couldn't be like her could I? I always said I'd rise above that, above the obsession of social class and materialistic happiness. But along the way I've been blind to myself and the world I've allowed myself to become swallowed in.

"I'm so lonely." I said in the meekest voice.

I shook my head and looked down at my engagement finger. "It's all because of this," I said referring to the oversized diamond on my finger. It sparkled at me promising happiness beyond my dreams on a materialistic level.

"Since this ring has been on my finger… it's like society has shunned me. Our high school friends, Takashi, Chiharu, Rika, Naoko… they all hate me. Even Syaoran's family do to some degree! Now I'm in a dead end, I love Syaoran I do! No matter how much he ignores me, or avoids me I can't help it but after all these years want him to be happy. I mean if he weren't surely he'd leave me right? Right! Why would he stay with someone who doesn't make them happy. That would make no sense right! I must be doing something right, right!" I was babbling like mad women.

I didn't even wait for a response before answering my own question.

"No, I'm doing something wrong. Everyone can see that. Rika, Takashi, Naoko…they all know. That's why they hate me."

I was grasping at straws to get Eriol's nod of approval but, I never got it. I received his blank stare.

"That's not true." He said reassuringly placing his hand over mine.

I pulled my hand away and clutched it shaking my head. "No, it is. Sakura's birthday proved it. They didn't want to know me. They avoid me, judge me and worse of all," Tears burned under my eyelids threatening to break my composure.

"Sakura." I quivered. "My best friend… and I've lost her."

"That's not true Tomoyo you haven't lost her. But one day you will." This broke my heart. My posture became crippled and my tears won the battle.

"I know, I know." I said rocking back and forth on the chair with my fingers erratically pulling on my hair; the pain serving as some sort of distraction.

Without warning he grabbed my wrists and shielded my fingers under his palm, preventing me from ripping my hair out. "Why did you do it Tomoyo?" His tone was not very sympathetic. Was he trying to break me?

"I-I don't know." I stuttered with my body trembling. Not out of fear for him, but fear of myself.

"Yes you do! Stop denying this Tomoyo!"

There was no escaping this. It had to come out.

It did.

I told him of my confrontation of my mother, my pathetic excuse. My agreement to something I never foresaw getting out of control this bad.

He listened intently and when I was finished he loosened his grip on my hands.

He was disappointed. I could tell he was expecting an answer that justified me better. But sadly no, I was pathetic.

He processed this in his mind. I couldn't bare the concluding look on his face. The silence around us was painfully long, even the piano seemed to be holding its' breath.

"Eriol," I said placing my hands lightly on his wrists, afraid he would bolt from me. "Please don't hate me. Please, there are enough people who do. I know what I did was wrong but believe me when I say I never foresaw it get this bad! I hate myself for all that's happened and I've tried to cover it up by loving Syaoran as much as anyone could but, now you're back I-"

I didn't know how to finish that sentence.

Now that he's back there was a mental block in my feelings towards Syaoran. It was like my body rejected thinking of Syaoran. To be fair, it was not as if he doting on me in the slightest way. My mind was more occupied with Eriol to a point where Syaoran was rare to be thought of. It was awful and I know it.

He didn't need me to say it. He knew.

I could barely make him out through the puffiness of my swollen eyes. We locked eyes in an intense gaze, exchanging silent messages. This was bad, yet I dared to say what was aching in my mind.

"Do you love me…Eriol?" I held my breath, my heart beating wildly out of control.

Would he reject me, accept me? Faults and all?

I waited in a state of anxiety yearning for an approval or rejection. Worse of all he said nothing, he broke my gaze.

I felt my heart drop to my feet.

Quick as lightning I stood up and bolted from him.

"Just when I think I get you, you turn around and fuck with my head like this!" I fumed extremely pissed off with myself for saying those things. Great, now he knows my pathetic life!

"Tomoyo!" He said suddenly grabbing me by the elbows. "You're wrong, I do… love you but,"

There was the 'but' again…

"You don't love me now, like you did before." I said piecing his thoughts together. No one loves me. I try and change myself to suit the lifestyle of the Li, I try to be perfect to win my mothers approval and yet it makes no difference. Was I so bad that no one could truly love me? Not even Eriol, who wasn't capable of hating anyone apart from my mother didn't want me. Was that it? Was I too much like my mother that he couldn't bring himself to love me anymore?

Gently, he placed his hands on my shoulders; his palms were warm against my skin. "You've changed so much since we were kids. You were once so kind, naive even and now all of this," He said looking around the enormous room.

"It's seemed to be the only thing you want. We both know it isn't. I do love you but you've done a lot of bad things. People have been hurt." I nodded but wishing he would be like a guilty lover and less like a psychiatrist.

"I know." I whispered. "Where does this leave us?" I said determined to come to some sort of agreement between us.

My hands lay on his chest and I swear… I never felt more at ease with anyone in my life. "I don't know." He said. "I didn't plan on this."

"On what?"

"…Falling for you again."

I gasped and my heart fluttered more intensely than Syaoran ever made it. "I thought you said you didn't?"

"I do. But I'm determined to see you happy first." I know I wanted more, but accepted it.

I smiled to hear him say that. "You mean the old me." I said sadly.

"The old you is still in there. You're just hiding it, denying it," We were extremely close once again. The kiss this time was mutual. It was guilty and I was ashamed of myself.

"I meant it when I said it. I want you to be happy."

"Then don't leave me." I said practically begging.

"What about Syaoran?" Concern grew in his eyes. I silenced him with my finger on his parted lips.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." I said in a trance just wanting him. It was strange, how I could love Syaoran with all my heart and then within the space of twenty minutes…fall deeply and hard for Eriol.

"We can't have an affair Tomoyo. If we are to be together, I want it done right, honestly." He said. At least one of us was talking sense.

"You need to give me some time." I said mentally trying to picture a possible outcome in all of this that would not tear me apart for two different men

"_We can make that happen. Mother, Fanran, me…. Anything you want." _Sheifa's face flashed before me. The promises, opportunities. Tomoyo Li. Editor in-chief, working for D'maras Lore.

Syaoran… once I thought our love would never diminish or whither. I was not only torn between two men, but between two lifestyles. People would be hurt in both situations.

I just can't seem to do anything right.

As he held me I caught sight of a grand mirror that stood hanging on the wall, reflecting us. Myself looking at me not in disgust, or disappointment of my infidelity or unfaithfulness to my fiancée; but with a strange smile of some comfort.

Was it a sign? Was this supposed to be?

With that my reflection's face turned worried and began to sadly stroke the engagement ring, a mental sign of the predicament I was in.

"Will you love me then? Forever?" I asked to reassure myself.

"I thought I was doing right by leaving you to Syaoran. I wanted to forget you and move on. But now I know that's impossible. As long as you're happy that this is what you want, then I'll never leave you again." He soothed and allowed himself to kiss me again, shunning away my inner woes.

Just as a smile crept on my lips I caught sight of a dark flicker of movement to my left. I broke from our contact immediately with my heart racing.

Was someone there? Were we seen?

"What's wrong Tomoyo?"

Standing facing gap in the door, which I noticed was considerably wider now I began to tremble.

"Tomoyo?" He asked grabbing my shoulders. I couldn't hear him. My thoughts were too much occupied with fear. Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me but I thought I heard footsteps echoing away from of a person who was now wiser of the 'innocent' Tomoyo.

Was this thing, this beginning of a secret whirlwind romance we just experienced already on the verge of disaster?

There was definitely someone there.

Caught, already…but by whom?

**Sakura's POV**

We sat in the car park outside the graveyard looking at them.

"I feel like we're intruding on something almost sacred." I said biting my nails in worry.

"Don't be so worried. Syaoran would want us here. He always does." Eriol reassured me.

We were both wearing black; it was kind of custom to do so on the sixth to any one who knew Syaoran's father. The radio was turned on low volume with a lively country song playing in the background.

"Yeah, you're right." I mumbled.

I looked out through the car window over at them.

Under the bleak overcast they stood side by side like six great black pillars guarding the grave of Xiao Lang the first.

Fuutie, Feimei, Yelen, Syaoran, Fanran and Sheifa. There was a certain melancholy atmosphere radiating from the whole graveyard that even people who were there to visit other grave, gave Xiao Lang first priority.

"Eerie isn't it?" Eriol commented reading my thoughts.

"Yeah, and it gets worse every year. It's like he's just died recently or something."

"I'd say a lot has to do with the uncertain cause of his death."

I nodded. I always got the feeling Syaoran was not at peace with his father's death. It was like he'd never be acceptant of it until he had a definite reason why he died.

"Do you think he still feels guilty?" I asked Eriol referring to Syaoran.

"Probably. Syaoran's always been hard on himself. It doesn't help that he was made man of the house at a young enough age."

We continued to watch them mourn in silence. Syaoran's shoulders seemed more sunken than the rest of them; this would hit him hard yet again.

"There will be more mourners later, close friends, distant relatives, work colleagues and much more." I muttered.

Yeah, Xiao Lang was popular alright. The most famous business man in China and Japan, loved by all. He affected everything around him. He could be stern and intimidating at time. But I suppose that what made him a great business man. Though he was not my family, he made me feel that way sometimes. He and my father became good friends a while back and when Xiao Lang was in town they would make a point to meet. He was always so kind to me and I had so much respect for him. So when I found out about his death, I was quite distraught. But that of course is a very pale shadow to how Syaoran felt.

To be made man of the house, yet the youngest of a family of only women was of course difficult. Xiao Lang had big dreams for Syaoran. Their father son relationship was one of the strongest I've ever seen.

With all the success Xiao Lang had, by far his proudest asset was of course, Syaoran. Maybe that's why Syaoran pushed himself beyond his limit to meet the expectations of a dead man. Everything he did was for his father and that I'm convinced was his passion for the Li business.

Yelen raised her head up, a signal that an appropriate amount of mourning has been done. She blessed herself and turned her heel. Her thick glasses shaded her face.

Fanran and Sheifa followed suit. Then shortly after was Feimei, who tugged on Fuutie. Fuutie looked at Syaoran and even though I was a considerable distance away I could tell she was feeling for Syaoran. Poor Fuutie, always mentally feeling the burden of others. She took Syaoran's hand and hugged him briefly before turning to leave.

"Think it's time?" I asked Eriol.

"Yeah." He said.

We stepped out of the car as quietly as possible as to not disturb the peace. With fresh flowers in my arms Eriol and I stood to the side of the graveyard entrance.

Yelen and the five sisters passed us in single file. Yelen, Fanran and Sheifa striding past us without saying anything of course. Feimei and Fuutie slowed down as they neared us.

"We're serving food and tea at the house if you would like to join us later." Feimei said softly, probably not trying to draw the attention of the others. "There are just some family and friends later so you are both more than welcome, being Syaoran's close friends and all." She said.

"Thank you Feimei, we'd love to." I replied. Eriol smiling genuinely.

Fuutie looked as if she would say something but decided last minute to withdraw. I could see tears welling in her eyes. Poor little thing. She was too sensitive for all of this. Her face was pale and sickly. She almost always looked as if she had a huge burden on her shoulders.

They left and we proceeded into the graveyard.

Tomoyo stood a few feet away from Syaoran with her back towards us.

Eriol and I both stopped walking when we reached her, and invisible boundary stopped us from walking any further. It was 'Syaoran's time'

"How is he?" I asked her not keeping my eyes of him.

"I've never seen him this bad." She confessed. "He's getting worse every year."

We stood in silence. I realised then that this was the first time Tomoyo and I spoke since my birthday. Thankfully, there was no awkwardness or any indication that she recalled my birthday. Maybe she did, but chose to say nothing.

She looked so tired. Dark circles coloured her eyes purple and her skin was a pasty grey compared to her naturally glowing complexion. She looked in a trance, not with the current circumstance.

"He won't talk to me. To anyone," She continued. "Maybe you two should try. I don't know what else to say." It was almost a plea.

I could feel Syaoran's anguish. I wanted to leap to him. Hold him and kiss him and tell him it's not his fault. I want him to smile again and to be at peace with himself.

But instead I rooted myself beside his fiancé.

Tomoyo sighed. She needed to sleep; I feared she would collapse of pure exhaustion at any moment.

"I should head back to the house. I have to host for more of his family coming later. Will I see you there?" She asked not sounding genuinely concerned whether I was or not. She just sounded like a CD reciting of lines probably previously primed by Yelen.

"Yeah. We'll see you soon." I responded.

She nodded and slowly, hazily walked away as if she were following a funeral car, carrying in it her happiness.

Eriol and I caught gazes and he nodded. Simultaneously we walked towards Syaoran.

I trembled as we neared him.

He stood looking down at the huge grave with the saddest expression on his face. If we were not in public I would have held his hand. It would no heal the pain, but it would give some comfort I imagine.

"You guys didn't have to come." He said dream like.

"We wanted to pay our respects." Eriol said filling the painful silence.

Like Tomoyo, I didn't know what to say. It was too sensitive of an issue for me to intrude on and yet, I felt like Syaoran needed me.

I lay the flowers on the grave and the three of us mourned in silence.

Syaoran raised his head, signalling and end to that. He sighed loudly and allowed chocolate brown locks to shield his view.

"You look like you need a drink." Eriol said which made Syaoran laugh.

I too smiled to see him happy.

"That sounds like an idea."

"You coming too Sakura?" Eriol asked nudging me.

"Maybe later, I've to check the builders aren't ruining your house." I said and excused myself. I wasn't lying, I genuinely had inner angst that I'd show up there would be nothing left.

I left the two of them to themselves.

As I got in the car I didn't even take note of the black Mercedes pulling up into my former parking space.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Syaoran's POV**

I heard the black car hum in the background.

She was waiting.

"I'll catch up with you later Eriol. I'm going to stay a while longer, go on to the house I think Tomoyo is there already."

He nodded with a weird expression on his face. He probably feels sorry for me no doubt.

"You sure?" He asked arching his eyebrow.

"Yeah." I confirmed eager to lose his company just for a while.

He left me to myself and when I could hear the graveyard gate shut, I heard a car door open.

She was wearing heels and they clicked against the ground getting closer and closer to me. I could smell her perfume before she came into my view beside me.

She wore black sunglasses to conceal her face. A suit tailored exactly to her body shape and black dead straight hair shaped her oval face.

She had a professional aura around her, even in a scenario like this.

"Shame we only see each other on occasions like this." She remarked in a deep voice.

"Nice to see you again, Meiling."

She smirked. "Same to you."

"How have you been?" I asked not really concerned with that.

She tore of her glasses to fix a semi-glare at me. "Look Syaoran, you didn't ask me to come all the way to Japan to fake an interest in my life. What's so important that I had to drop everything to see you?"

I wasted no more time and pulled out a tattered brown envelope. It was heavy in my hands. When her eyes fell upon it she sighed, disappointed in my request.

"This again Syaoran?"

"Yeah, I want you to look again, _really _look. This is the original one this time. I've hid some copies at home but don't lose this one."

For a while she just stared at it unwilling to re-take the challenge. Finally her fingers curled around it and she took it.

"What if I don't find anything?" She asked.

"You're the best lawyer in China, find something. _Anything._ If you can't, then I'll have to resort to plan B." I said with my gut twitching. I never wanted to resort to that.

"Does Sakura know about this? About what you are doing? She won't approve."

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Believe me, if she knew, it would crush her."

Meiling stared at me puzzled. "Don't under estimate Sakura Syaoran. She might not be so happy with Plan B."

I said nothing but let the wind howl around us.

She won't know. I can't tell Sakura, not unless… I'm forced to….

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_At the same time…._

**Sakura's POV**

Well, the house was still in contact completely with the ground when I pulled into the entrance.

Thank God.

As I walked into the house I couldn't help the petite smile on my face. It was all coming together just as I imagined. The walls were knocked down and the fame of the conservatory was up. Stain glass lay in a small pile to my left. My heart swelled in pride for myself.

Then it sank. This would not be our home. My vision will be the appreciation of another couple.

Or would it?

He promised, he promised we'd be together. Yet, it seemed so much like a fantasy.

"Hey little missy?" Said one of the builders coming towards me.

"Yes?"

"Do you know if there's a step ladder anywhere around here? One of the equipment trucks broke down and it could be a few hours until he arrives."

"Oh." I whirled around into the adjoining room where I recalled seeing some building equipment lying around.

"Over here!" I said spotting the silver step-ladder. I tried to lift it our but lost my balance and stumbled slightly backwards knocking over some things.

"Got it!" The man said coming up from behind me and taking it from me.

"No problem." I turned around to pick up some of the fallen objects.

My hands fiddled through the things but froze when I came across something strange.

First, a cardboard box, a lavender cloth flung beside it revealing its' contents.

It was Syaoran's 'mysterious box.'

I intended to put it all back but curiosity killed my better judgment.

There were photos. Not just any photos, photos of Syaoran and me.

I dusted of my trench coat and kneeled on the coat as to not get my coat dirty. There we were. Ten years old, it was our classroom picture. Me, Syaoran, Tomoyo, Eriol, Chiharu… everyone. It was nice he kept them; despite the fact he says he 'hated' primary school.

As I looked at the pictures I took note that they were becoming more and more of just the two of us.

First day of high school, Christmas, camping trips, the things we use to do together. There was none of Tomoyo I noticed which made me wonder if he were getting rid of these photos, of us.

Then why hasn't he done it yet? Maybe, he really does love me. He means it, that's why he's keeping these, a reminder of what we had. Yet for some reason he betrayed me and let himself be with another.

I sighed thinking I'd probably never know his reasoning. Syaoran almost always did things without thinking or seeking opinions of others.

Then I stumbled on something peculiar. A piece of paper, jutting out like a blade from the photos. It was almost begging to be looked at.

_That's enough Sakura, no more snooping. Syaoran wouldn't be impressed. _

My brain was right, but my hand shuffled through to pluck out the white paper. It must be a class note or something I wrote to him years ago, or even a bill for something. At first I thought it was. There was small print that made me squint to read, but on the other side the writing was bigger and hand-written. From working with blue prints all my career I could tell it was a copy.

As I said, curiosity gave my eyes permission to read.

_**To Syaoran,**_

_**If you are reading this, it means I have passed away into the next life.**_

_**Do **__**not **__**grieve **__**long **__**for **__**me; **__**you **__**have **__**responsibility **__**now **__**as **__**the **__**man **__**of **__**the **__**Li **__**clan.**_ _**I **__**have **__**always **__**had **__**big **__**plans **__**for **__**you **__**before **__**you **__**were **__**even **__**born. **__**Your **__**mother **__**and **__**I **__**have **__**watched **__**you **__**grow **__**into **__**a **__**very **__**respectable **__**man **__**most **__**worthy **__**of **__**the **__**Li **__**title.**_

_** Of course as you know, being a Li leaves many responsibilities in your hands. Both your mother and I have educated you in our history. The Li clan goes back decades and with it, a certain tradition and social standing simply must be obtained. **_

_**I leave you half the company and the rest; you will obtain after the passing of your mother. But certain traditions must be held Syaoran. You must seek no other profession other than head of Li enterprise which I assume, is what you want to do anyway. Also, you must marry a girl of a high social standing approved only by your mother and no one else. I know you have your hopes set on certain young women but those women are not up to the polished standard and yes Syaoran I'm sorry, that does include Kinomoto. **_

_**You may think that I am being harsh but I have much faith in your mother that she will choose someone suitable for you who shall make you happy. Don't be misguided and think that 'love' has a big factor in marriage, unfortunately, it doesn't. This is the tradition upheld for decades Syaoran and as my only son; it shall not stop with you or your children.**_

_** If you fail to or refuse to meet these terms, then I am indeed, very disappointed in you. Not only will you be excluded out of the family as an embarrassment, but the entire Li Enterprise will fall to the responsibilities of the next sister, Fanran. I do not want this to happen but if it does, it is the responsibility of your own actions alone. **_

_**A Li goes on no matter what Syaoran, remember that. Life is unfair at times, and it has been for me, your grandfather and so on. Respect your mother in all she does and says for she is my voice beyond the grave. She knows what is best for the company until eventually, and I hope, it will be passed down to you. Do not rebel against her. **_

_** Know however, I am proud of all that you have accomplished so far. I've always been a religious man and so think of me as always watching over you.**_

_** This letter is my dying wish, d**__**on't disappoint me son,**_

_** You Father,**_

_** Xiao Lang.**_

The letter fell out of my hands and fluttered onto the ground.

It wasn't Yelen, or Fanran or Sonomi keeping me from being with Syaoran. It was the one man I respected as much as I respected my own father. Xiao Lang, and he didn't want me with Syaoran… ever.

He _specifically_ did not want me. I was not good enough for his son.

A new set of tears flooded my eyes as I put together the pieces of the past. The reasoning behind my pain, hurt and betrayed.

He does love me. He does want to be with me… but can't. I wasn't up to _polished_ standards. I crumpled onto the ground feeling every single little fibre shake in my body. Just when I thought I was physically unable to cry for anyone, I found myself inconsolable. I didn't even attempt to muffle my sobs, which attracted the attention of the other builders who I forgot were even there.

"Um… ma'am. Are you ok?"

Was I ok? I didn't know. All I knew was that I was numb. Numb, tired and simply heartbroken from absolutely everything. Why? Why does he hate me? Why can't I be good enough for anything! Not good enough at my job, not good enough to be called a best friend, not ever good enough for Syaoran.

"ma'am?" He said nervously edging his way towards my crumpled self. "Are you ok? Can we help you with anything?"

I managed to put the box back together to make it look as if it were untouched, undiscovered. I shook all over and with every last strength I had I pulled myself to my feet. I could see nothing behind the blurred mask of salty tears. Numbly, zombie-like I walked out of the room avoiding plaster and nails. Everyone was silent and pretended to carry on building but in a quieter manner.

"Ma'am," he said behind me determined to make sure I was ok. "Don't worry, I know the place looks a mess but we'll have it fixed up real nice you'll see. I know we're clumsy but I promise it'll look good! Don't get upset over it." I smiled a dead smile and turned my head a fraction his way.

"It's perfect. You don't need me anymore, I'll go away now, I won't disturb you anymore." A double meaning was inclined that of course, he didn't understand.

Slowly, hazily I made it to the car. My life, in five minutes had been crushed. A barrier strengthened itself between myself and the man I love, and there was no getting rid of it now.

_There's no hope Sakura, there are no happy endings, this is real life. _

With that thought lingering in my head, I turned and walked away completely unsure of what to do now but sure of one thing; Syaoran and I were just simply, not mean to be.

**Hey sorry it's been a while!**

**Well now you all know! Don't assume this is it; I've got more surprises for ye ;)**


	11. Coping

**Heeeeeey so here's another chapter! **

**I've a week of school so hopefully I'll get another chapter up by next week! Thanks for the reviews guys!**

**Sakura's POV**

When morning rays fell onto my eyelids I rolled over and covered my head with the pillow.

Another day.

It's been nine days since I found that letter, since I discovered the truth that Syaoran's father doesn't want us to be together. Since then, life hasn't gotten even suckier than it was before.

I groaned into the pillow and contemplated on whether or not to suffocate myself there and then.

"Sakura?" Eriol said knocking on my door and peeking through the crack. "You getting up sometime this week."

"Maybe." I mumbled as he came into the room.

He walked around the bed and thrust open the curtains allowing white light to flood my eyes.

"Aaaaaah!" I groaned and rolled the other way.

I felt the bed sink in a little as Eriol sat down on it.

"Come on Sakura you can't just lie in here forever feeling sorry for yourself."

"I could try." I retorted.

Eriol knew. I blurted out everything when he asked me for the fiftieth time what was bringing me down. His response was predictable. He was shocked at first than nodded and gave me the whole 'life goes on despite its difficulties' lecture. However it felt like he was holding back on something. I expected a more psychiatrist answer but it wouldn't have mattered. His words would have gone in one ear and out the other.

He doesn't know about the affair however. I couldn't bring myself to explain how that came about. All he knows is that I found the letter. If he had any suspicions beyond that, he didn't show it.

I've seen Syaoran once since I discovered it and that was briefly in the company of Eriol and Tomoyo after we were at the grave. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. We exchanged a few words but his time was consumed by his father's colleagues constantly talking to him.

I didn't tell him I knew about the letter. Whether I would or not is a decision I still had to make.

I was not angry at him. Not in the slightest. How could I be? It was not his fault I wasn't good enough for him. I admire Syaoran for even keeping our friendship going as long as it did.

"Come on Sakura. There's no point in all this. You're going to make it all worse for yourself."

I sighed lightly and fell out of bed. Dressing myself in a nightgown I followed Eriol into the kitchen.

"At least I have a reason for what happened." I mused over breakfast.

"Does it put your mind to some rest?" He asked making tea.

"It does and it doesn't." I confessed. "Now I know why he did it. He had no choice. On the other hand, knowing he can't be with me… because of Xiao Lang, sometimes I wish I never found out. I should have never read that fucking letter!" I threw my face into my hands and bit down hard on my lip. The last thing I wanted was to upset myself again.

I could smell black tea as he placed in front of me followed by his hand resting on my elbow.

"If you never read it, you would still be in the dark. You can't give up on him though." He said shocking me.

"There's nothing I can do! He _can't_ be with me without losing everything to FANRAN. There's no way around it. I'm just going to have to get over him." I said like it were an easy thing to do.

"You've been trying to get over him for five years now Sakura and how's that working out for you?"

I scowled wishing for once he'd just tell me I was right and there was no hope here. I grabbed my cup and placed myself in front of the computer again. I opened up my E-mail followed by airline contacts and times.

"You're not going to Canada!" Eriol shouted angry I was considering it again.

"I never said I was, I'm just considering. In case you've forgotten, I'm still jobless." My tone was sarcastic and harsh. I was taking my inner frustrations out on Eriol. He patiently took it but I had a feeling it was a matter of time before his patience started wearing thin.

Canada was looking considerably more attractive the more I browsed through my job offer. I never rang them back yet and I only had ten days before I had to give them a reply.

My thoughts were disturbed by a gentle knock on the door. Both Eriol and my heads whirled curious to who lay behind it.

I tensed as Eriol went to open the door.

"Oh hi." He said in a cheery voice that assured me it was not Syaoran.

Fuutie and Feimei walked nervously into the apartment looking fresher than they did last week. Both in spring dresses brightening up my apartment.

"Hey Sakura!" Feimei exclaimed with a wide smile.

"Hey guys." I said logging off the airline page afraid they'd see. "What bring you're here?" I said digging my hands into my nightgown pockets.

They both looked nervous as they stood awkwardly in the apartment doorway.

"Oh well, we wanted to see you before we went to Tokyo for the week! We're going back to China afterwards and we wanted to take you out for lunch! That is, if you're up for it."

I stood awkwardly for a moment wondering why the hell they'd want to spend their last few days with me of all people? Did we bond that much over the past few weeks that they actually genuinely like me?

"She'd love to!" Eriol said on my behalf slinging his arm around my shoulder smiling boldly. "She's been doing nothing all week right Sakura?" He said looking at me.

What was he playing at? Was this his plan of getting me on the road to 'closure' or something?

"Su-sure." I said trying to sound enthusiastic. I fooled them anyway.

"Great!" Feimei squealed while Fuutie smiled meekly behind her. Something was off with Fuutie, I thought. I said nothing as I went to get my coat. Maybe it was a good idea to get out f the house. Shame it would be with _his _sisters to somehow remind my of my predicament.

"Oh! Eriol-kun, would you like to join us?" Feimei said noticing him.

Eriol shook his head with a smile. "Thanks for the offer but unfortunately I have plans."

"Oh, well maybe next time!" Feimei said.

"Where are you going?" I whispered putting on my coat when Fuutie and Feimei were out of hearing distance.

"Apartment searching." He said lowering his voice.

"Oh..." I pouted. "You know you dn't have to-"

"I know, but I can't keep living with you forever." He smiled and nudged me to get a move on.

"Enjoy lunch." He said in a happier tone eager to get of the subject.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We went t this chic little exclusive restaurant and I had a theory I weren't with the two of them I would have been asked to get of the property. Everyone was well dressed and I, in jeans and a shirt felt very unattractive.

"So what will you guys do when you go back home?" I asked as we settled into a table beside the window.

"Um… same old." Feimei said almost depressed. "Back to awkward dinner parties with mom's colleagues or potential clients, living under her roof, her rules."

"You guys still live with Yelen?" I said extremely surprised at this. "But you guys are over twenty four why don't you just move out!"

They sat silent not knowing what to say. "Mother likes to keep us where she can keep an eye on us. Plus, we've never go anywhere without her knowing."

"Does she know you're here with me?"

"… She knows we're here…" Fuutie admitted speaking up for the first time since we arrived. Something was definitely wrong with her.

"Guys come on! You can't live with your mother forever! You guys going to stay there until your thirty or something? I know how scary it is leaving your home and suddenly being on your own but trust me, when I moved out at eighteen my dad was so miserable he called me every night just to check I didn't get shot or anything!"

After my lecture they both looked extremely guilty before Feimei perked up.

"You're right! As soon as we go back to China we're looking for apartments!" Feimei beamed with a new determination at Fuutie who looked as if she would cry at the very thought.

"We'll see. Mother won't be happy." Fuutie mumbled and looked down at the table." Feimei frowned sensing something seriously wrong too.

Feimei excused herself to take a call leaving Fuutie and I to ourselves. I took advantage of this opportunity and moved closer to her.

"What's bothering you Fuutie?" I asked hoping over the last few weeks she would think she could confide in me.

"What? Oh, N-nothing!" She said not convincing me in the slightest.

"Fuutie." I said more sternly determined to beat it out of her if I had to. Her brown eyes darkened as she caught me gaze.

"I- I shouldn't." she said with her voice breaking. "I don't want to land my problems on you." She started biting her nails probably wishing I'd leave the matter.

"Fuutie, I hate seeing you like this, please, tell me. You never know, I might be able to help you." I said softly persuading her to open up to me.

Her huge hazel eyes widened as her lips parted. "Sakura… -what would you do if, if you knew someone was being… unfaithful."

I felt the colour in my cheeks drain leaving my cheeks grey. Oh God. She seen us didn't she? Oh no. I started mentally beating myself up for prying my way into her thoughts.

She judged my reaction before continuing. "If you knew someone was… cheating, behind someone else's back… and they were engaged."

I tried to form words to justify myself. I couldn't believe this was happening. How could we have gotten caught?

"Would you say something? Or would you keep it a secret for someone else to discover?" Her eyes pleaded with me for an answer.

"Fuutie I… it's not what you think it is." I took a deep breath. "Syao-"

"Oh my God you know?" She stuttered loud enough to draw attention of other people. I shushed her and she slapped her hand across her mouth. "You know about all this?"

"Fuutie what are you talking about?" I said completely confused. "Of course I know!"

"Oh Sakura it must be killing you! To know something like that and have to keep it a secret from Tomoyo."

"Um… yes it is. But Fuutie please! It never meant to happen!" I stuttered trying to figure out how the hell she knew about Syaoran and I. We were so careful during the affair!

"I know it didn't! I know she's your friend Sakura but it's killing me knowing Syaoran will be marrying who's been lying to him."

"I know Fuutie but- wait what?" I said completely confused. "Fuutie… who are you talking about?"

"Tomoyo of course!"

"…What about Tomoyo?" I said holding my breath realising we were having two different conversations.

"Tomoyo having an affair with Eriol!" She said whispering very loud leaning halfway across the table about to fall off her seat.

"T-Tomoyo and Eriol?" I said completely in shock.

"Who else will would I be talking about? Ooooh!" She said biting her nails regretting she told me. "You did know didn't you!"

"… No."

"Then… what were you talking about?"

"Oh… nothing. Fuutie… are you sure? Are you sure you didn't see anything else."

"I know what I saw! I went home early from a brunch with some friends, back to Syaoran's house. I thought I'd spend the day with Tomoyo or something you know, get to know her more. Fanran said she'd be home; they were shopping for her wedding dress I think. I came into the house; it was so quiet I nearly left but then! I heard voices, people speaking, and then some shouting. I walked through the corridor and stopped outside the music room. No one is every in that room, ever! I peeked through the tiny crack in the door, and I saw them. Tomoyo and Eriol, kissing almost passionately for some time. I couldn't move! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I wasn't snooping Sakura honestly I wasn't! I wish I never saw it but I did. She said things too…"

"Go on." I said through my teeth encouraging her to finish.

"Well… she said she loved him, but that she loved Syaoran too, she kept asking if he loved her and would he stay with her. He told her he would as long as she was happy and then…"

"Then… what Fuutie?"

"Then I left, I was nearly caught." She bit her lip waiting for my response to her.

I was speechless. All this time, probably through Syaoran and my affair, Tomoyo and Eriol were doing the same. She… betrayed Syaoran and I, betrayed her. What a sick and deceitful life we all were living.

"Oh Sakura!" She said sniffling and pulling out a tissue to mop her eyes. "I shouldn't have said anything! I'm sorry. I always make thing worse."

I placed my hand over hers numbly. "This has been bothering you for a while now hasn't it Fuutie?"

She nodded. "It's been killing me. Just don't know what to do. You're Tomoyo's best friend so I thought it would be better if you confronted her or something."

"Thanks you for telling me." I said trying to hide the anger at Eriol for not saying this to me earlier. I angered me that he let me spill almost everything out to him and her kept him and Tomoyo a secret. Was he ever going to tell me? To be fair, I still haven't told him what Syaoran and I had.

"Fuutie, I'm not calling you a liar, but just confirm for me… are you sure what you saw is right."

She sniffled again before straightening her spine. "Believe me Sakura; I didn't want to believe it either. I even deluded myself after that I saw nothing, but it's obvious in the way Tomoyo's been acting lately. She walks like a zombie nowadays. When she speaks it's almost forced. Polite but forced. I catch her staring into space a lot and when I speak to her it's like she's hearing me, but not listening."

"What do other people think?"

"Feimei has noticed it too but shrugs it of. Mother is absolutely delighted and see's it as Tomoyo's 'transformation to a Li." She huffed.

"And what does…Syaoran say?" I said feeling guilty almost for saying his name.

"Syaoran?" She scoffed. "He's too busy to even care! He's constantly working and if he's not he'll purposely make work for himself or wallow in self pity. You'd think he was the only one who lost a father!" Fuutie was getting emotional now.

"It's so painful to see them together now. It's like there's no love between them anymore. They never hold hands or kiss or even look at each other! Sometimes I think maybe Syaoran already knows but he couldn't! If he did I know he would have broken it off with Tomoyo and he wouldn't be speaking to Eriol."

My stomach knotted. I was the reason for the strain on their relationship.

"Ok Fuutie. You weren't wrong to tell me. Thank you. I'll make a deal with you."

"Oh?" She said looking worried.

"Yeah, you tell no one about this, and I'll take on the responsibility for what's happened."

"But why?"

"Because this is obviously killing you! Give me your burden and don't worry about it anymore. It has nothing to do with you from now on." I smiled trying to persuade her.

"But this is what I wanted to avoid! I didn't want to put all this on you Sakura. And you live with Eriol too…"

"Please Fuutie. There is no use in both of us worrying about it. Like you said, I'm close to Tomoyo and Eriol so I'll handle it. You have guilt written all over your face too so someone will guess just by looking at you."

She remained sceptical for a moment and just watched me. I kept a smile plastered on my face. Then slowly, I thought I could see a weight lift of her shoulder. Some colour even stained her cheeks with a new glow.

"Only if you're sure Sakura. I hate leaving this too you."

"Not at all. I promise you, it'll all be resolved." I hated not telling Fuutie why I didn't want this getting out of hand. I didn't want to reveal that her brother and I were no better. Why put all that on her? She sighed in relief.

"Thank you Sakura. I actually feel better confiding in you. You really have become like a sister to me."

My heart warmed but then twisted. What the hell was I going to do about all this now? Tomoyo? And Eriol? I never copped it. Damn you Eriol for being so good with your emotions!

"Guess what!" Feimei said rejoining us.

"What?" I said trying to keep a normal tone.

"I got a date!" She cheered clapping her hands rapidly.

"With who?" Fuutie said just as exited as Feimei was.

"Do you remember that Hispanic guy from Sakura's birthday? Well, he called me and-"

As Feimei went into detail of her budding love life I found myself, like Tomoyo hearing her but not listening.

Tomoyo and Eriol, Syaoran and I…What the hell was I going to do about this?

Fuutie indulged herself into her sister's conversation looking happier and more relieved than before. But something still wasn't completely right when it came to Fuutie… There was still a grey shadow that hovered like unwanted mist in her eyes. Was it possible that something else was bothering her? Something that maybe she could not tell me.

Secrets, as I just discovered, in time, will always reveal themselves.

One way or another, Fuutie would be free from whatever it was that was causing her guilt. When that happens, maybe she could truly be herself once again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When I pulled up to Tomoyo's house I could feel my heart race.

What was I going to say? How would I say it? I had no right to say anything. I was guilty too.

I hit my head off the steering wheel and groaned.

I couldn't seem to grasp a hold of my actions lately. When I dropped Feimei and Fuutie home I kept driving not knowing where I was going until I landed outside their house. I saw no car and presumed Tomoyo was home.

I unclipped my seatbelt and stepped out of the car. A rough wind rustled hair over my face briefly blinding me. I contemplated for a second before taking a brave lunge forward to the house. Black storm clouds hovered above me, watching me as I disappeared into the house which I noticed it was eerily quiet. The staircase stood before me tempting me.

"T-Tomoyo?" I called throughout the house and receiving no answer. "Tomoyo are you here?" I bit my as I rose up the stairs. The hall too was empty. I was about to give up when I heard a gentle thud followed by footsteps from the office beside me. I braced myself for confrontation. But then lost my nerve the as I stepped into the office.

I couldn't let her know I knew, otherwise I'd somehow have to confess to my own deception. Maybe we could clear the air to some degree, sort our bridesmaids dresses like she's wanted to do for sometime, maybe we could-

"Sakura?"

I snapped my head up to meet Syaoran's eyes.

I felt my face pale and my stomach drop to my feet. This just isn't my day. My God he looked awful. His shirt was buttoned wrongly. He had dark circles around his eyes and his hair was dishevelled with an agitated look in his eye. The curtains were half opened, increasing the bleak atmosphere in the room.

I finally found the words to speak after I drank in his appearance. "Where's Tomoyo?" I said in a slightly sterner tone.

It hurt to see him like this. After only nine days he changed so much I questioned myself if it were really him.

"At my mothers house I think." His voice was rough, rough and stood up from his desk clutching some papers.

"Oh. I'll come back later." I said turning my heel to leave as soon as possible ignoring the guilt in my chest.

"Wait!" He outstretched his hand to try and keep me there. When I silence fell he took a second to contemplate on his next words.

"…Where've you been lately?"

"Busy." I lied keeping my eyes fixed intently o the floor wishing I could sink through it instead of lie to him.

"You never answered my calls, I went to you're apartment too. Why have you been ignoring me? What did I do?" His voice cracked and for a second it was like our roles were reversed.

I couldn't speak for a second. I felt so guilty.

"I-I… "

"I stopped by the house a few days ago." He interrupted. "The builders said you looked… distraught."

"Oh, really?" I laughed nervously. "I was just on a downer." I tucked a piece of hair behind my ears and avoided eye contact with him.

"He said you were crying."

"I was a bit teary but-"

"After you left the adjoining room. You were fine going in, but when you came out…"

I bit my lip weighed up my options. Could I tell him? _Should _I tell him?

"Is there something you want to tell me?" He asked touching my hand lightly.

Unintentionally I flinched and created distance between us. He looked hurt by this action but I knew, I knew if I allowed myself to be exposed to him in any sort of intimate way I'd lose all self restraint. I had to be strict, disciplined.

"Yes," I said staring at his hands. "Syaoran… I found… the-"

"The letter." He finished for me with a cold hard expression on his face. The room seemed smaller, almost claustrophobic like.

"Yes. You knew."

"It's the only thing that explains your behavior towards me. I'm sorry Sakura, now you know why I never wanted to tell you."

I felt a lump rise in my throat as I recalled reading the fine handwriting of Xiao Lang.

**_'I'm sorry Syaoran, that includes Kinomoto' _**

"It was an accident. I never meant to come across it, believe me Syaoran I wish I never seen it!" I was on the verge of tears and had to look away and avoid his gaze for fear I would cry again.

"I wanted to tell you about it, but I knew you'd be hurt like this. I knew you'd take it worse if you knew my father was involved." I could tell he was aching as I was. His face was a drained color, grey.

Hurt? Hurt? I was more than hurt, I was devastated.

"It's not your fault Syaoran, and I'm not angry at you. You're father always knew what was best and maybe… I'm not what's best for you."

I motioned to move away from him fast, but was stopped short by his hand gripping desperately at my arm.

"That's not true and you know that!" He said with his amber eyes blazing with emotion.

"Then why would he say that Syaoran! I'm obviously not good enough for you and I never will be! We're going to have to just accept that." I pulled away from him but he would not release me.

"Accept it? _Accept it?_ So you're saying we should give up?" He was tense now; the effects of emotion and lack of sleep were starting to show through his agitated actions. "I love you and I'm _not _going to simply give up on us."

"What else are we suppose to do?" I said in a defeated tone with my arm collapsing within his hand. This was killing me. To see him like this, so hurt and angry due to decisions previously made beyond his control. "I love you too Syaoran but there's no point in trying to ignore this when realistically it's only going to hurt us both more." I was practically begging him to realise the situation as if he didn't know already.

For a second he stared at me with his mouth slightly agape and lost for words. He knew I was right, surly he knew that.

"There might be a way." He said breaking from me and walking towards the huge window that lay behind his office desk.

"No, there _has _to be a way. It was not meant to be like this. Meiling will find a way." He was in a trance now, completely immersed in a world where it was possible a light was shining at the end of the tunnel.

"Meiling? She knows about this?"

He nodded more to himself and gazed out onto the lush gardens coloured lightly pink by a few cherry blossom trees. I almost felt him take a huge breath and clear his mind.

"You read the whole letter?"

"Yes."

"Then you know why I couldn't just leave my duties immediately."

"Of course."

"Everything you see here is here only because of my determination to please my father, make him happy. Every single minute I devote to the Li enterprise is to live up to his standards. As you know, I loved my father, admired him. His final wish was to see me head of the business and, as you know I must oblige firmly with the Li tradition."

I nodded as if he could hear me. Sleepily, his eyes looked onto the distant hills and city buildings of Tomoeda.

"Unfortunately in his eyes that meant a life that didn't involve… you, on a romantic level."

Leaned his arm against the window and balled his left fists tightly as if he were to punch the glass out from the window.

"Don't be angry with Xiao Lang Syaoran. The last thing I want is that, especially because of me. He was always such a kind man, I don't want to think badly of him."

"A kind man maybe, but stern and disciplined with tradition." My heart bled for him. He knew how to pull on my heart strings. "I suppose I never saw him so thought he'd take it this far."

"I would have ignored it all Sakura, I would have pretended his word meant nothing only…"

"Only everything would go to Fanran."

"Then everything would go to fuck." He said rubbing his hands against his face in frustration. I didn't blame him. Fanran _would_ single headedly bring an end to the Li business. Not intentionally, bu from neglect and inexperience with the trade.

"Not only would Fanran get everything, I would be thrown out of the family. Fuutie and Feimei would suffer too under Fanran's reign and I can't let them suffer and do nothing about-."

"Syaoran," I interrupted putting my hands up in front of my chest. "I understand. You don't have to explain anything to me. I'm not going to lie. I didn't think things were as complicated as they obviously are but, you've done the right thing. I do love you, honestly but, we'll find a way to move on," I lied as if I could _ever_ find someone else like Syaoran. Like my heart could begin to love another the way it fell so hard for him.

Slowly, he turned himself towards me with an expression I couldn't quite label.

"That's the problem Sakura. I can't."

"You can't what?" I said with my heart quickening its pace.

"I can't… go on like this. These past few weeks have been the… happiness I've ever been in five years. It's like I've found new purpose other than just work. I swore I'd stay away from you and let you live your life but Sakura, it's impossible. I can't go on simply not being with you."

My stomach twisted into a million knots. Please God make him stop! He can't do this to me.

"That's why if Meiling doesn't find a loophole in the letter… I've plan B."

I dared to ask the next question.

"W-What's plan B"

I saw his chest rise and fall a few times before a gentle smile played on his lips.

"I'll give it all up."

For a moment I thought I dreamt what he said. But after blinking a few times I saw him still there before me.

"Give what all up Syaoran?"

"Everything. The business, money, Tomoyo everything!"

"Y-You'll what?"

"I'm sorry it's taken me so long to do this but I know it's the right thing to do!" He said taking terrifying steps towards me. The only reason I didn't back away was because my feet were frozen to the ground making me temporarily immobile.

"I've tried Sakura, I've tried to live this life without you but, it's not worth it. I'm dying inside and in the end being with you is making this life worth living Sakura!"

"Syaoran I- what about all the things you just said? What about Feimei and Fuutie and- and your father!" I said stumbling backwards from him.

"It'll work out! It'll all work out!" He said trying to reassure me but it was all too maddening.

"Syaoran I'm leaving Tomoeda!" I blurted which thankfully for now brought him to a halt.

I saw his muscles tense around his arms and a darkening light in his eyes.

"What do you mean your leaving?"

"I got offered a job in Canada and I'm taking it, I leave March 29th, the day of your wedding, right after the the wedding." It was sickening to hear myself speaking out loud.

"Sakura-"

"No Syaoran, that's what going to happen. We have to stop living this lie deluding ourselves into thinking there's a future with us. You are _not_ going to give everything you worked for up for someone like me."

"But I want to!"

"I don't care Syaoran! I will not be known as the girl who ruined you! The girl who made you turn your back on everything you worked hard for. What if it didn't work out? What if we don't last? You'll have thrown everything away for nothing!" I screamed.

I hated saying this. A long time ago I prayed he would want me enough to sacrifice these things for me but I knew, it was for the best if I drove a wedge between us. It killed me inside to reject him after so many years of wanting him.

"I don't want to be with anyone but you! I've tried that already but every time I look at Tomoyo all I see is you! Whether you like it or not if Meiling can't find anything then I choose you over the business." He shouted to match my volume.

His shirt was loosed revealing his toned chest. His hair was disarrayed like that of a mad man. A man who loved me too much. How can I even think that? It was no sin for a man I wanted to love me too much yet, it simply could not be.

"I will _not_ let you do this Syaoran. I am moving to Canada whether you like it or not and you aren't going to abandon everything!"

"YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING!" He roared.

His words echoed of the walls and back to me like a slap n the face.

I didn't realise I was grinding my teeth so much my jaw cramped. Thick violet veins pulsed in his arms and a deranged look consumed his face. This was getting out of hand.

"You don't think this is breaking me Syaoran? You don't think this hurts me too? It does, more than you know. But if you go back on your fathers wish than not only will you have nothing, you also won't have me." That was the hardest lie I ever conjured up. Of course he'd have me, but on terms that would haunt and curse me till my death.

To throw everything away for someone unworthy like me was something I don't think I could live with. For his sake I hoped this would give him an ultimatum. His business, or nothing.

When I didn't change the serious look on my face I saw he wasn't calling my bluff.

"Whether it's Tomoyo, or some girl worthy of your mother's blessing you will be with someone who isn't me. When I leave Syaoran I'll most likely never come back to Tomoeda. To see you again would hurt too much and land us in this situation again. That's something I don't want. I need closure and so do you. I'm ending this affair Syaoran."

He opened his mouth to say something but stopped short when his phone rang on the office desk. He let it ring and kept his eyes fixated on me, digesting my words. The phone stopped ringing, and then rang again. His eyes briefly made contact with the phone screen and with a furious look he swiped the phone up and answered it.

"What?" He said bitterly. "Who? Can't Seiji take care of that- I see." He hung up the phone.

A dead atmosphere hovered in the air. His fingers correctly buttoned up his shirt. Without glancing back at me he retrieved his blazer and suitcase from the desk.

"There's a problem at work. I have to go. Tomoyo will be back soon I assume." He words sounded almost forced. Like it killed him to speak with me.

"Syaoran please, don't hate me for this." I begged as he busied himself loading his briefcase.

"I have to go now to my work, my _everything._" Bitterness seeped into his voice.

"Syaoran…"

He strode past me stopping only directly beside me.

Low into my ear he whispered, "Just say the word Sakura, and I'll leave her, everything. Your feelings for me may have diminished, but mine certainly haven't."

I held my breath and thought he'd kiss me, but instead he left both my lips and my body cold and numb.

How could he think that? How could he possibly think I've stopped caring for him? I was right to end this wasn't I? Wasn't I?

I heard the front door slam as he left me in his cold house.

Then amongst the quietness I heard another sound that terrified me.

Something made a 'click' sound, the sound of a Prada heel from behind me. The clicks grew louder as they approached me in the slow rhythm of footsteps. I knew who they belonged to before I turned around to meet the face of Fanran.

She stood there with an expression that told me she heard everything. She must have hidden, avoided Syaoran and listened intently to our argument.

My mouth opened to form words to confront her but I was silenced by her long pointy finger slashed my way.

"Don't. Even. Dare. Speak." She said coming into the office Syaoran and I were in. "Don't you even try to lie out of this Kinomoto. I heard it all" A sly and terrifying smile grazed her lips and she stood in a posture that screamed dominance.

"It's not what you think." I whispered which only made her laugh and snicker to the point where she was holding her sides.

"I heard _everything_. Looks like Syaoran isn't the golden boy we all thought he was. 'you are my everything! Pure gold!"

"Fanran please I-"

Without warning she grabbed my face with her right hand and glared down at me with those penetrating eyes similar to Syaoran's. her grip tightened around my cheeks making it almost hard to breath.

"Now listen here. I could blackmail you with this. I could make you my slave, turn your pathetic life into a misery."

Fear seeped through every fibre of my body and I hated being completely helpless to Fanran. For a long time she's been waiting to have me this vunerable so she could strike. She had the upper hand now.

"But I'm not going to." She said releasing me until I fell onto my knees. "For too long you have fucked up this family. Can't keep your hands of the Li family can you? Of our money."

"It has nothing to do with that and you know it! I care about Syaoran."

It seemed everything that came out of my mouth just made her laugh even louder. "Sure Kinomoto. You _cared _about him. Well I'm not going to let this one slip by. I'd get to Canada as soon as I could if I were you. When word of Syaoran's scandal get out, you won't want to be around."

"You wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't I?" She smiled with dagger teeth. "And why not? Why would I give up the opportunity to get what's rightfully mine? I was the first born so therefore I should get it all! You think I love being married to someone like Frank! I was nineteen when mother thrw me at him. He was seventy four!" I cried looking for sympathy.

"For what! For the glory of it all? You can't betray your own brother for self benefit Fanran surely you're not a shallow as that."

The words just left my mouth when her hands smacked across my cheek making me see stars. I grasped my now stinging cheek which burned.

"Don't fucking dare speak to me like that!"

"No one will believe you! It's your word against Syaorans'!" I fumed desperate to stop her.

"Your right," She said making her way to the door stopping briefly to glance at me, "But mother will believe me, and everyone believes mother. Everyone. I assure you Sakura... I will ruin him. You don't have to thank me though, this one, was all you."

She watched me as I paled before her. She was right; Yelen wouldn't hesitate to use this against me. This would be evidence that I was no good, I was poison against Syaoran. Fanran would ruin everything.

"Fanran… please…" She smirked to see me helpless. I would have done everything to stop her but i knew, the benefits she'd receive were more important than anything I could offer her.

"I guess I've won this one Kinomoto. I cant wait to be rid of you once and for all."

I watched her walk away like the end to an unsatisfying horror movie. It seemed that I really couldn't do anything right. I was doing the right thing by letting Syaoran go, but even this ended badly.

I just wanted to put things right! Maybe I should just leave like she said, spare Syaoran of any humiliation and do something Xiao Lang would be happy of.

I sat crumpled on the floor, I thought that my life could definitely not l=plunge lower into the abyss of darkness. But I later on found out, fate would bring Syaoran and I back together in a matter of an unpleasant kind.

**Okay so… A lot of writing there. **

**More to come so R&R! **

**Again thanks for the reviews there really encouraging! :D **


	12. Hospitals

**I haven't much to say so enjooooy!**

:)

**Syaoran's POV**

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" I fumed slamming documents down on the desk half ready to punch Seiji for being completely incompetent.

"I- uh, um- you weren't here sir and I- I um tried… um." He stutters quivering in front of me. Everything he did just irritated me. Everything everyone did just irritated me. I was still angry from my confrontation with Sakura. I didn't expect that. She left my with an ultimatum which both resulted in my misery.

"Just leave! You're no help!" Seiji half ran from me and everyone else outside the office kept their head down avoiding me in any way possible.

I fell into my desk chair looking at the never ending work pile to my left. Rubbing my eyes I imagine a place that I was far, far away from here. Somewhere where I didn't resent everyone and anything. A place where she and I were-

"Sir your fiancé is on the line, she says it's urgent." My secretary's said through the small speaker to my right.

Reality once again hit me to remind me of the life I was handed.

"Tell her I'll call back." I mumbled not in the mood for anyone.

"She says its' urgent sir. She's called twice since lunch when you weren't here."

I winced as a little panic seeped through my stomach. Tomoyo never calls me at work. It must have been important for her to call twice.

"Fine, I'll take it."

I listened to the dead dial tone waiting for Valerie to put Tomoyo through.

"Syaoran?" She said frantically.

"What's wrong?"

"W-why weren't you answering your phone?" She shouted. There were voices and unknown noises in the background that I couldn't make out clearly.

"I- I was busy." I lied and had images of Sakura flash before my eyes. "What's this all about Tomoyo?"

"I- I don't know h-how to say this but… it's your mother."

"What about her." I said with my heart pulsating at lightning speed.

"I think she had a heart attack! She's being rushed to hospital now, you have to go now!"

I felt my hands tremble and the phone went cold in my hands.

"…What?"

"Sh-she just collapsed and- and I don't know what happened." Her voice broke and the background voices became louder.

"Which hospital?" I said now marching away from the office with trembling knees. Tomoyo called out the details as I threw all my things in the car and sped off at lightning speed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Tomoyo's POV**

I felt sick.

Sick to my stomach to the point I feared speaking in case I vomited.

All around the people were in chaos running around to fetch the needs of a very ill Yelen.

I sat in the waiting room by myself staring at my hands which were trembling. People's voices blended into one dreary tone and I felt numb to the core. Hospitals were never places I particularly liked to be in. I suppose who _likes_ hospitals? The last time I was here it was with Sakura when her mother became seriously ill and unfortunately, died.

I didn't even notice I was rocking very slowly until the waiting room doors burst open. Syaoran emerged with bloodshot eyes in his work suit. His eyes darted from one side of the room to the other, than stabbed themselves on me.

"What happened!" He demanded.

I tensed and tried to control my breathing. My hands fidgeted in my hair as I tried to conjure up some words to describe what happened without letting guilt overwhelm me.

"I don't know." I lied. "I went up to her office and… she was unconscious." Most of it was true.

I was saved by the doors flinging open again with Eriol and Sakura emerging from it.

I was relieved to see Eriol in a guilty way. Behind him stood Sakura out of breath from running. Without thinking I balled my hands into fists angrily slanting my eyes at her.

"What happened!" Fanran shouted as she joined us followed by the other Li sisters. There was pandemonium and everyone's head whirled to face me as if I were a doctor.

My fingers violently tugged at my hair when finally their attention was drawn to the doctor who emerged into the waiting area.

"Are you immediate family?" He asked.

"Yes." The Li's all said in unison.

The doctor flicked through his chart analysing the pages.

"I'm afraid Mrs Li suffered both a heart attack and an asthma attack as the same time. She's in a critical condition at the moment but the worst is over for now." I breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"What do you mean for now?" Fanran sniffled. Tears were streaming down her face and smudging her flawless make-up. The normally prim and proper Fanran had dissolved into crumbling mess. Yelen was her pillar of confidence and for the moment, Fanran had nothing.

"We're very concerned about your mothers' condition. Her heart is very weak and I assume it's due to stress. I understand she is playing an important role in your wedding Mr Li?" She asked directing the question to Syaoran. I took it that the doctor was implying Yelen was under a lot of stress with the wedding and on top of that, her own work with the company could have put a strain on her heart. But I knew, that wasn't the whole truth. I knew what had pushed her this far.

This is killing me!

Syaoran looked at her with a guilty expression and nodded. He looked on edge and I felt completely useless in not having the abilities to comfort him like a fiancé should do. Not so long ago I would have known exactly what to do. Sheifa was the only one of them all who remained completely composed and listening intently to the doctor.

"Mrs Daidouji?"

"I'm sorry what?" I said snapping out of my inner crises.

"I understand you found her, it's a good thing you called an ambulance when you did otherwise Mrs Li would be in a lot worse condition." The doctor smiled and drew her attention back to the others.

I couldn't keep this bottled up! Was it obvious? Could everyone see it on my face that I was lying? Or do they mistake that for genuine worry over Yelen's health. I risked glancing up and as I guessed, caught Eriols' gaze. He was looking at me with concern, worry even. God, I wanted him to hold me, give some warmth to my cold, cold body.

"Can we see her?" Feimei asked peeping from behind Syaoran with big teary eyes.

"Yes, immediate family only. I ask not all of you go at the same time. Go in two's."

Sheifa and Fanran went in first as the oldest sisters leaving us to a quiet and awkward room. Syaoran sat himself down on the seat beside the wall. Acting like the good fiancé I sat beside him though he'd probably wish I didn't. At moments like these I know he'd want to be left alone.

The chairs of the waiting room were laid out in the shape of half a square. Eriol and Sakura occupied the other side while Fuutie and Feimei sat in the middle.

Syaoran stared at his feet in a world of his own probably filled with self blame and anger. Feeling like I should say something comforting I whispered to him low and incoherent to the others.

"I'm sorry. I assumed you were at the office I didn't know you were at home I- I should have called your cell earlier but by the time the ambulance came you weren't answering. Valerie said you'd be in the office any minute so-"

I gasped and stopped mid sentence when his hand, slowly and gently placed itself over mine. He didn't look at me when he did this gesture.

"None of this if your fault Tomoyo. You have nothing to be sorry for. If it weren't for you Yelen would be…"

I was so taken aback by this. I expected him to be cold, take his frustration and worry out on me. I expected and would have willingly been an emotional punching bag for his worry. Not this rare gesture of kindness. His hand rested on mine still but in no way was it an action a man would do to his lover, or fiancé out of love. No, it was an action a man who was grateful would play. He was thanking me, the way he'd thank a friend. But still, he was making some contact with me for the first time in a long time, and when his hand squeezed around mine slightly I wondered if he even knew what I was doing, if he knew who he was talking to.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a minute wishing I felt something at this moment, but I didn't. All I wanted was to be in the arms of the man sitting six seats away from me.

"I'm going to get a coffee." I said breaking contact wit him to pick up my purse. "Do you want anything?"

"No." He said rubbing his temples as if wanting to wake from a terrible dream.

I left the room making eye contact with none of them. I needed to breathe; I needed to sort out my thoughts.

I was walking through the hallway watching nurses and patients occasionally walk by bothered only by their own troubles.

"Tomoyo!"

I stopped dead in my tracks and wishing for once moment I could escape everything. Eriol stopped beside me and touched my elbow lightly.

"Tomoyo what's wrong-"

"You have to stay away Eriol!" I said frantically searching for anyone who might be suspicious of us.

"What? Why? What actually happened earlier?" He said seeing through my façade when no one else could.

"Seriously Eriol we can't be seen together."

"What? Are you ashamed?"

"No it's not what you think."

"Then why are you treating me like a leper?"

"Yelen knows!" I blurted releasing the things that was causing my stomach to turn.

"She knows? Knows what?" For the smartest man I know he could be frustratingly slow sometimes.

I scanned the hallway and when the coast was clear I grabbed his hand and tugged him into the emergency exit staircase. The cold air hit me hard.

"Tomoyo explain to me!"

"What don't you understand? Yelen knows about US!" I said with angry tears blurring my view. His jaw dropped slightly when he started to realise what I was trying to say.

"Yelen… she…. But how?" I never seen Eriol stutter or become lost for words like this.

"Today I… before she had the heart attack…." I balled my fists against my face releasing some of my fury and tried to clear my thoughts.

"Ok… let me tell you… what really happened."

_Flashback_

_I stood waiting nervously in the hall of Yelen's Japan mansion. Clutching my bag I wondered if maybe I had got the days or times wrong. _

"_I'd like to discuss the wedding in every detail. I'll expect you at mine and precisely Four o'clock."_

_Well… here I was, and 4:01 and there was not sound to be heard in the house._

_Her servant led me into the grand hall to await Yelen but she was nowhere to be seen._

"_I ask you stay away from Mrs Li's office, she's very private about her space and shall be very upset should you be found in there unless of course, she is already in there."_

_Upstairs I thought I heard rustling or some sort of noise. Without any thought my feet brought themselves into the direction of the staircase. _

_There were portraits on the wall which seemed to be watching me and chanting, 'Yelen knows all, you can hide nothing.' The house was certainly grand and held a domineering atmosphere which told much about the owner._

_Through the long corridor of the second floor I stopped when my eyes caught sight of two golden door handles. They sat on a huge set of mahogany double doors._

_Yelen's office. _

_Only Syaoran, Yelen and occasionally Fanran went in there. It was like an invisible barrier that prevented someone like me from entering and yet, one door was slightly ajar. Was she expecting me there maybe? Was I supposed to meet her there? _

_After glancing around me and finding no sign of life I assumed I was permitted to enter. _

_As I imagined, the office was spectacular with polished and tasteful furnishing that I expected from Yelen. I treaded forward to the table but veered to the left when I saw six long pink bags hanging from a railing. _

_Bridesmaids dresses. _

_I rolled my eyes, nice to see Yelen didn't bother ask for my permission to order them. I grinded my teeth when I peaked into the bags and saw they were certainly not the ones I picked out. They were dark wine/maroon colours which all too coincidentally were the ones Fanran was eyeing up the D'maras Lore's boutique. They were not the lush violet ones I had chosen over three months ago. _

_I balled my fists. There was no part of the wedding that would ever be mine. What surprised me was that I really didn't care. The whole wedding in general had lost any sparkle I initially had for it and turned into one of Yelen's events she could put on her list of achievements. Anyway, how could I be exited by what was looking to become a sham of a marriage? Syaoran, my fiancé hasn't even mentioned anything about the wedding, neither have I. Not to mention Eriol…. Oh God what am I doing?_

_I glanced at the labels and laughed to see even my bridesmaids were chosen for me. _

'_Fuutie' the first one read, then 'Feimei', 'Sheifa', and the matron of honour 'Fanran,' What the hell! I didn't even decide that and she would have been the very last person on my mind. I flipped over the last label already knowing who it was for but once again, was shocked to the core,_

'_Meiling,' _

… _No dress for Sakura….? _

_Just then I heard footsteps and I felt all blood drain from my face. I couldn't be caught snooping around here! There was no time to escape so I took shelter in an adjoining compartment room and closed the door. I could risk getting caught, she'd surly kill me. _

_I heard shuffling followed by more footsteps of Yelen. Then, a second beat of feet were coming closer towards the office but in a faster pace._

"_Mother! Mother where are you?" It was Fanran, she was rushed and out of breath._

"_Don't shout Fanran for goodness sake!" Yelen retorted shuffling some papers on her desk. "What's the matter?"_

"_Oh mother, I- I just don't know what to tell you! It's awful, so awful."_

_I winced and pressed my ear against the door getting a better sound._

"_Oh spit it out child I'm expecting Tomoyo soon." _

"_Oh mother, give me a second." I thought I heard her collapse into the opposite seat. Whatever it was I was sure Fanran was over reacting._

"_Out with it Fanran!" Yelen snapped._

"_It's about…. It's about Syaoran." She sniffled and took an exaggerated breath. "And Sakura."_

_For a moment you could hear a pin drop. Yelen had no response but I could tell whatever she was doing, she froze mid action._

"_Go on."_

"_Mother I overheard them talking, I just wanted to see my brother, I wanted to express my excitement for the wedding but… she was there." Fanran broke down, well at least she was trying to make it look that way. My hand, started to shake as I too held by breath wondering what was wrong. Syaoran… and Sakura…. That didn't take to me too well._

"_Quit with the drama queen act Fanran I have no patience with that! Now tell me what you heard!" I heard a slam and it echoed and nothing was heard until silence descended._

"…_Looks like Syaoran isn't the golden boy we all thought he was." She said in a cooler voice which harboured some amount of sick humour, as if what she was saying was funny. _

_I felt my breathing intensify and as I clutched my hair I had the feeling I knew what Fanran was going to say before the words left her lips._

"_He's having an affair mother… with Kinomoto!" _

_I gasped and stepped back knocking over a file but catching it before it made loud contact with the ground. _

_Sakura… and Syaoran… my best friend… my fiancé… MY FIANCE!_

_I suddenly felt like kicking myself, all those times he disappeared to the house, his late nights coming home, his cold nature towards me…. He was seeing HER!_

_I chocked back the sobs of betrayal. Now I know, now I know how it feels to love someone deeply, and how it feels to have your best friend, someone you cared about, take him from you. It hurt; it hurt a million times more than I thought. In fact, I didn't think it was emotionally possible to feel this much pain._

"_I hear it all! What's worse mother, is that he threatened to give up the business for her! He was willing to give up our heritage, soil the family name for her! I'm only telling you this mother because I love you and never want to see you hurt because of that slut! I'm doing it for our own good! Syaoran doesn't deserve what our dear, dear father left for him. He's irresponsible, what will he do when you pass away, when he has it all? He'll ruin everything mother! What about Fuutie and Feimei? Oh I don't want them to suffer!"_

_Everything she said was laced with irony. She didn't give a fuck but anyone else but herself so she stirred the Li pot in hopes of her share of the company. _

_Yelen said nothing, nor I didn't hear movement from her. _

"_Syaoran said all of this." Yelen asked in a tight voice as if to restrain herself._

"_He said it over and over again. He's no good mother; he's too young to appreciate our heritage like I do. He'll ruin everything, and Kinomoto knows this. She wants him to do it, she practically begged him to leave us! She's poison, she planted the idea into is head, she wants to leave for Canada where we can't get her! She wants his money, our money! He'll do it soon mother, he'll fall into the hands of Kinomoto and he won't forget his wallet if she had anything to do with it. Kinomoto will be the end of us."_

_I found it difficult to distinguish between Fanran's lies and possible truths._

_Was it all Sakura? Did she start this affair? I grinded my teeth wishing I wasn't confined here. If I could have I would have left. Maybe I was wrong all along. Maybe Sakura wasn't just 'upset' at Syaoran and being together. Maybe she was bitter, was this a plan she conjured up years ago? It had to be! She never got over Syaoran and I! She's bitter and maybe wants to hurt me; she'll betray me like I betrayed her!_

"_I've a suspicion about Tomoyo and Hiirigawa too…"_

_My heart stopped and I had to snap my mouth shut to refrain from screaming._

"_Explain." Yelen sounded as if she would throw something through a window._

"_They're very close mother, in fact too close, and I seen them on the sixth at daddy's memorial at their house. They were being very… passionate with each other." A sly snicker made its way into her voice._

_Oh God no…. That was upstairs, in the spare room… I needed comfort and Eriol was there….we were talking and he kissed me and...I didn't stop…We didn't sleep together but with regards to Yelen, we might as well have. _

"_Why did you not tell me this earlier Fanran?" I heard a scratching noise and I assumed Yelen's nails were taking their anger out on the desk. _

"_I-… um… I"_

_It was a good question, why didn't Fanran rat me out earlier when she had the chance. In fact why didn't she say it to me?_

"_I'll tell you why you kept that mouth of yours shut shall I?" Yelen said surprising me with a new found anger. "You didn't tell me because it would serve you no benefit! You were willing to let that go on because it's one of your little games you like to play Fanran! It would suit you well to have Syaoran become a laughing stock and a fool who knew nothing of his cheating wife! This, Fanran, is why you will never get any part of the Li business; you say you care about your family? Hah! Your father would be ashamed of you and your selfish conniving ways!" That was ironic considering Fanran most definitely inherited those traits from Yelen. _

"_What? But I told you about this didn't I?"_

"_Leave! I don't want to see your face! I must deal with this, who did you tell? Who else knows?" _

"_No one! Sakura knows I know but that's it mother I was trying to not have our family shamed!" She said retrieving back to the 'innocent victim' act. _

"_It will stay that way! Now leave! I want you on the next flight back to China, back to your husband!"_

"_What! You can't do that you just can't! I will not return to that bastard mother I won't! Syaoran is a liar who took what should be MINE! How can you leave it all to him and nothing to me! How! Who will get it?" She was genuinely crying now out of frustration that her plan did not go the way she had planned it. I knew she was expecting a different response, as was I._

"_At the moment Sheifa looks like the only capable candidate out of the mess you and Syaoran have created now LEAVE!" I heard Fanran run out of the office with her faint sobs echoing in the distance. Silence only fell when Fanran slammed the door._

_I held my breath and took everything in. Yelen now knows… What could I do? There was nothing I could do! _

_Then from the panic I heard a _thud _of something crash onto the floor_,_ then silence. I bit my as I trembled all over on the verge of tears. I was confined to the small room and I backed further into it as more smashing noised clustered the office. Chairs were being moved and I could have died there and then knowing Yelen was that mad. But something struck me as odd. _

_Breathing, Heavy and uneven breathing could be heard above all other noises. It was not right. A crash was heard before a terrifying silence sounded. _

_I thought she left the room so I chanced peeking through the small gap in the door. I saw no movement but as my eyes scanned the floor I saw her._

_Sprawled out on the floor, unconscious, and not breathing. _

"_Yelen?" I whispered but got no response. "Yelen?" _

_Angry or not I emerged from the room and tip-toed around the glass landing beside her. She was a still as the broken china on the floor. I started to piece my surroundings. The shattered ornaments was not the work of and angered and infuriated woman, but the desperate attempt to get help by a woman who was suffering from an asthma attack._

"_Yelen? Yelen!" I said shaking her frantically. _

"_Fanran! Anyone help! Someone help she's unconscious! Call for an ambulance!" _

_I realised I was on my own. Whipping out my phone I called the ambulance. When I was assured one was on its way I sat over her feeling the pang of guilt knowing that I caused this. _

_We caused this. _

"_Please Yelen don't die, please, please!" I was becoming deranged with worry. _

"_It's all my fault, it's all my fault," I chanted crying like a helpless little girls._

_I rang Syaoran's cell but received no answer. Another five times and still nothing. He wasn't answering the office phone either and I felt like vomiting._

"_Mr Li's office this is Valerie."_

"_Valerie! Where's Syaoran?" I screamed._

"_He hasn't com in yet but he should be any minute Mrs Daidouji can I take a message?"_

"_Tell him to call me as soon as he steps in."_

"_I will do that Mrs Daidoij-"_

_I hung up and rocked myself beside an unconscious Yelen. "It's ok, it's ok, it's going to be ok." I assured myself._

_Ten minutes later the ambulance arrived and put Yelen on a stretcher. My phone rang sending panic through my body._

"_Syaoran, W-why weren't you answering your phone?"_

"_I-I was busy."_

_I-I don't know how to say this but… it's your mother."_

_I poured the details out to him and he hung up after I told him which hospital it was. As I got into the ambulance with Yelen I couldn't help but to wish Eriol was here. I looked at Yelen, _

"_If you live, destroy me, destroy Syaoran, destroy Sakura even, but please… let Eriol be."_

_End of Flashback_

He stared at me at a loss for words. I wish he'd say something comforting, I wish he remained composed and tell me it's not as bad as it seems but unfortunately…. It most certainly was.

"Oh God," I said hitting my head against the stone wall. "It's my fault isn't it? I'm the reason Yelen's going to die! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" I said giving myself a headache.

"No," He said hugging me from behind and resting his head beside my neck. "Yelen was going to find out sometime. To be honest I think she's more furious about Sakura and Syaoran's affair."

My eyes snapped open as I picked up on something.

"You knew didn't you? You knew about Sakura and Syaoran didn't you?"

His face gave his answer away. "Sakura's an easy person to read Tomoyo. She didn't exactly _tell_ me… It was hard not to see it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whimpered.

He shrugged looking guilty. "How and when was I supposed to tell you?"

"I-…I…" I don't know.

Feeling uneasy I turned away from him.

"Tomoyo." He was quick to kiss me, reeling in the feelings had for him. I hated all of this.

"Eriol… didn't you hear anything? We can't-"

"Be seen together. I understand. But don't, please, leave me altogether."

"I'm not leaving you I… Right now I need to be there for Syaoran. Even though he wants Sakura."

"What are you going to do about all that? What are _we_ going to do?"

"I don't know Eriol! I can't think about this at the moment!"

"Well you better start thinking about it Tomoyo because when Yelen wakes up you won't have a chance!" He threatened.

I marched out of the room. I couldn't take it. He was getting tired, tired of waiting for me to make a decision. As each day of indecisiveness passed I knew his patience was wearing thin. He's been so good and patient with me so far. He pressured me for an answer I didn't know myself. The time was running out. When Yelen comes to her senses I'm doomed! Maybe I should tell Syaoran now! But how could I say that to him while his mother lay in a critical condition?

It was like fate had enough of waiting for me, and as a result I was stranded with limited options.

**Syaoran's POV**

As I stared at my black suede shoes I felt sick waiting to be called upon.

Fanran emerged from the room hostile and inconsolable. You'd swear mother had died right before her eyes. Fuutie and Feimei went in next leaving the Sakura and I separated only by Fanran and Sheifa.

My eyes now flickered from my shoes to the clock on the wall reading nine thirty. I avoided looking at _her_. She remained very quiet. I had a feeling I would be here all night.

Fanran sniffled and dabbed a tear with a handkerchief. She was really starting to irritate me. Sheifa was obviously thinking the same.

"For Gods sake Fanran get it together! You're an embarrassment!" She shouted slapping her hand from her face and scowling at her in an incredulous way. "If you can't control yourself from babbling like an idiot then get out of my sight I don't want to see you!"

Fanran stopped abruptly with her mouth falling into a small 'o' shape. I too gawked at Sheifa not expecting that tone from her. Even Sakura stopped what she was doing to gape at Shiefa's outburst. It wasn't that what she said was harsh; it was the terrifying fact that at that moment Sheifa resembled our mother more than she ever did before. It was something my mother would say, in fact, it's exactly what mother would say! I might as well have been sitting beside Yelen.

Fanran's face dropped to an expression of bitterness. "So now mother's in a hospital bed you think you can settle into her role? Don't you dare think for a second I'm going to sit back and watch you take it from me too!" With that, Fanran marched like a spoilt child out of the room huffing.

I didn't know what she meant by that but I was uneasy to be around Sheifa. As the most composed of my sisters did she think that she had the responsibility of restoring order to our family already?

"Syaoran." Feimei said appearing in front of me with a very pale looking Fuutie. She was as white as a ghost and avoided looking at me. "Mother wants to see you now."

I nodded and stood up.

"You ok Fuutie?" I heard Sakura's voice ring softly.

Fuutie merely nodded but then collapsed onto the chair beside Sakura to bury her head into her shoulder to unleash a waterfall of tears. Sakura's arms embraced her and rocked her slowly, soothing her.

At that moment I didn't know if I wanted to go in there. My feet, slowly brought me through the double doors, muffling the sound of Fuutie's cry.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As soon as I stepped into the room I immediately knew why Fanran and Fuutie had the reaction it did. The room was dimly lit with a pale miserable yellow light in the corner.

I gulped and braced myself to look at her.

It was worse than I thought.

Her body in the space of five hours had seemed to wither away into a doll like frame. Her head was sunken in between two huge fluffy pillows. An oxygen mask was placed over her face exposing her closed eyes only. As I neared her my heart pounded. I brought my fingertip to her hand which had pronounced blue veins clearly visible through her thin translucent like hands.

As soon as I touched her, her eyes flickered open and sleepily and with effort land themselves on me.

"Mother…" I said not knowing what to say to her.

My mother, my once strong mother, reduced to the confinement of a hospital bed. To see her like this was disturbing. For once in my life I saw her completely dependant on others.

"Where… were you this whole…time?" Words came slow to her. She took deep breaths between every few words. Even speaking took great effort for her.

"I'm sorry I was working. I rushed over as soon as I could. I'm sorry to keep you waiting but I'm here now." I sincerely meant it. No matter how many bad thoughts that circled routinely about her in my head she was still my mother. To think she actually needed me for once was almost… nice in an unusual way.

"You don't have to speak mother. I hope you understand now the amount of stress you put on yourself now, you're not as young as you used to be. For Gods sake you could have died!"

She blinked and then slanted her eyes. "You'd like that… wouldn't… you? It's unfor… unfortunate for you that… that I… lived."

"What are you talking about!"

"If I died…then I wouldn't have been able to… expose to you your…dirty… little…secret!" Her breathing was becoming heavier but yet her words weren't as raspy.

"…What... what are you saying?"

The heart rate monitor beeped slowly in a frenzy like rhythm.

"Drop it Syaoran!...I… Know about Kino…Kinomoto… and YOU!"

The world could have shattered there and then. I wished with everything I had that it did. I pulled my lips into a tight line and balled my fists.

"Who told you?" I said through my teeth knowing it was pointless to lie to her.

"Doesn't matter about whom…or why…or…how, because it all ends …now Syaoran!" She thumped the bed in anger and I feared she would have another heart attack. The monitors beeps intensified.

I jumped up and paced the tiny room rubbing my face almost knocking every chair. How could she know? How! I felt fear in my stomach like I never felt it before. My mother has been the only person I ever genuinely feared in my whole life.

"What if I say no? Huh? What if I throw away it all? What would you do then mother? What would you do!" I was being extremely brave and stupid to shout at her in this state.

She didn't answer but continued with her erratic breathing glaring at me with fury. If she had any strength left in her I knew she would put me into a hospital bed.

"You wouldn't…" She slurred dangerously.

"Wouldn't I!" My voice was rising. "Damn it mother I love her! Do you even know what love is? Do you? I'll never love Tomoyo the way you want me to! You wouldn't know! You never showed dad you loved him when he was alive and now you're determined to make me the same!"

"I'm trying… to stop you from sh..shameing our family! You ungrateful bastard!" She fumed.

"So by being with her I'm a disgrace is that what you're saying?" I threw my arms out in anger.

"Yes! That tramp will ruin… everything I have ever worked for! I for… forbid you from being with her!"

"Forbid me?" I laughed. "Really? You know what, do what you have to do mother! I don't care. I'll leave this room and take Sakura with me! I'll leave all of you if I'm such a disgrace in your eyes! I don't need you or the Li title! You'll see! We'll be happy without you!"

Now it was she, who laughed. Her snicker and sneers seemed to boom louder than my own shouting voice. She actually placed her hand over her stomach to control herself. I knew what I was saying was unrealistic. I just want her to suffer, or at least take the winning smirk of her face! As if Sakura would actually go with me…

"On the contrary Syaoran…the Li title is…exactly what you need."

I needed to punch something. Instead I watched her as she explained.

"Syaoran… you are nothing without me or your heritage…Go on then, run away with her… be with your little precious Sakura…marry her…let her have your child…you'll find…it's not the life you want it to be…"

"What are you talking about!"

"Think about it! What priest… will marry the two of you?...what men would build your house?...what company will want you?...a disowned Li. They will want nothing to do with you…for fear of me… I'm afraid that even you… don't know half the extent of what I can I could do… I have contacts…everywhere. Sakura will never have a job…I will blacklist her…no hospital will deliver her child… she will be known as the woman who steals men for their money…a gold digger… I'll shame her to the point… not even her family would want her. It doesn't matter…how far you go… I will make your life…misery…make your children miserable…don't think…I won't Syaoran because…I will."

"Why do you hate me?" I said practically exhauster and tired of all this.

"Love and hate has nothing to do with anything Syaoran…it's just business."

"You'll never let us be happy will you?" I said feeling like I was once again in a completely hopeless situation.

"Never. Her life will be worse then yours. Spare her Syaoran, spare her unnecessary grief." She wasn't saying this out of kindness.

"Why Tomoyo though? Why couldn't you pick anyone but Tomoyo? Why someone so close to Sakura?"

She suddenly became tight lipped, hiding something. Her skeletal head turned to the left to gaze out into the night sky. All the starts were covered by black, stormy clouds.

"Oh yes, Tomoyo…" I thought I saw a smile across her lips as she said that. "As for that lying, deceitful witch…."

"What?"

"Never mind…that girl will soon find herself unable to bottle it up, she's so predictable, you'll find out soon."

I stood numb and puzzled before her.

"This is what's going to happen Syaoran. No one will ever find out about your deceitful…infidelity. No one! We carry on as normal. You and Tomoyo…will be married March the second. You _will_ carry out the plan as normal understand?"

"That's a month earlier!"

"Exactly. Syaoran, I have not much longer to live. I am determined to see you follow through with your fathers wishes…all of them. If I had more time I would discard Tomoyo but I have no time to prepare someone else for you. She'll have to do…despite her…past actions."

I didn't know what she meant by this. Nor did I care. She wasn't even disguising the fact she was running my life. She was unleashing her inner plan.

"Mother… please…"

"If you refuse to follow through then fine. Leave now and never come back. Ruin your life… as well as hers. Shame us, and taint the respectable name of your father. You will have no one to blame but yourself. Go on then! Fail him on his last dying wish!"

I felt the knife of guilt plunge into my gut. My father… was this how you wanted it all to turn out?

"Fine." I said trying to keep a solid voice. "If you promise to leave Sakura. Let her be. Let her live her life… without me in peace. At least promise me that."

A wicked smile curled up her lips. "Of course darling. Of course." She chanted, delighted that I was giving into her demands.

It's all for you Sakura. You were right, maybe in this world we can never be together but in my heart and soul you will always and forever be mine. I hope secretly your thinking this too. Though I'm not a religious man, I hope there is an afterlife. Maybe then our suffering will be rewarded with each other. I'm sorry for leaving you but I get the feeling you'll understand. You won't make it difficult either. You'll pretend to be happy for me and I, for you.

But in reality, we are both dying inside.

We are both… breaking.

**Sakura's POV**

Syaoran's been in there a long time now. As each second ticked by I couldn't help but be concerned for Yelen. I shouldn't be. After all, didn't I hate her? Didn't she look down at me her whole life seeing me as scum that stained her perfect polished reputation? Did she not deserve this?

I sighed and held Fuutie tighter. No one deserved this I suppose. I guess I'm not as heartless as I try to be.

In my arms Fuutie wept quietly like a sad doll in my arms. It was her who called Eriol and I. Eriol felt we should go out of support for Syaoran and Tomoyo, he was right to some extent. If my father were here I would want Syaoran here, despite everything, I wanted to know he at least cared.

"Fuutie," I whispered into her ear.

"Yes?"

"I have to go now," She nodded and released me. She wiped her nose and her eyes.

She nodded and released me and wiped her nose and her eyes.

"Sorry, thank you for coming. You didn't have to. I know you and mother didn't always get along."

I smiled and got my bag. Sheifa did not acknowledge my departure but rather she kept flicking through her magazine as if she were at a bus station waiting for a bus. She really surprised me. How could she be so calm when her mother lay in a terrible condition? Did she care?

Of course she did. Someone had to be strong, even if her way came across as ignorant and heartless. I remember it was my father who stayed so strong when Toya and I were a mess not knowing the fate of our mother.

Only when I left the room and descended down to the hospitals eating area did notice that both Eriol and Tomoyo were missing. No, they can't be… not here. Surly Eriol is more sensitive than that! I sighed. I don't know what happening anymore. We all seemed to have lost our moral conscience to the point I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

I never got to confront Eriol about it, nor did I mention it to Tomoyo. I was in catch twenty two and I didn't know how to get out of it.

I would have dwelled more but then I caught sight of Fanran sitting in a melancholy state by the window. After our last confrontation you can imagine the fear that I was feeling. With my head down I walked pass her avoiding every sight but my feet.

"You're loving this Kinomoto aren't you?" She said not letting me get away.

When I looked at her she wasn't crying this time. A bitter glaring expression devoured her face making her look older than she actually was.

"I'm very sorry for you circumstances Fanran. I'd never wish this on anyone… not even you."

She continued to stare at me just hating every little bit of me.

"Don't make me laugh."

"I don't want to fight with you Fanran and I won't. I hope Yelen's recovers."

I turned away from her glad for the briefness of that conversation when I heard my name being called again.

"Sakura!" Feimei huffed down the stairs stopping out of breath before me.

"What's wrong Fei?" I asked placing a hand on her shoulder.

"It mother. She…she wants to speak with you."

Both Fanran and I stared at Feimei with an incredulous look on her faces. I must have heard her wrong, I must have!

"She…what?"

"Mother specifically asked to see you! Now, before visiting hours closed. The doctor said immediate family only but you know mother…she's insistent."

Ok… I definitely heard right. Yelen wants to see _me. _She _specifically asked_ for me. I knew what was coming. She wanted my head on a platter.

"I wonder what she could possibly want with you." Fanran's voice sneered as she sauntered like a snake towards me.

The expression on my face must have caused the concern in Feimeis' eyes.

"It's ok Sakura. I'm sure she just wants to say hi." Even Feimei knew that was a lie.

She tugged at my fingers and brought me away, the last thing I saw before I disappeared from the room was Fanrans' winning smile of victory as she watched me be lead like prey to the hunter of all hunters…

**Probably one of my longest chapters so far! ^_^**

**So now almost everyone knows…except Syaoran! :O **

**Anyway hope to get another chapter up before Monday but no promises! Thanks again for the reviews!**

**R&R! : )**


	13. Hate

**I'm back :) **

**I origionally had two chapters written but I saved the whole thing as a blank document by mistake and lost all of it! :'( **

**So the whole thing had to be written again :( Here's what I think I wrote to begin with :D**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Sakura's POV**

There was an unnerving silence between us.

Every ounce of nerve I had in me fled as I stepped in the door and left my knees trembling.

Behind her oxygen mask I knew she was glaring angrily at me. Neither one of us were going to be the one to break the silence. The beep of her heart monitor was a slow rhythm, nauseous.

"I'm going to make this quick. I have no time to waste on you." Beside her sat a fat silver bag. She grabbed it and pulled it to her side with great effort. I would have offered my help only I feared getting too close to her would anger her.

I felt as if my very presence was enough to induce another heart attack in her.

She rummaged through her bag and finally produced a white slip of paper. Her eyes narrowed at me and with a pale, white finger she motioned me to come closer. My heart beat increased but I tried not to show it.

I took the paper out of her hands. When my eyes scanned its contents I paled whiter than the wall. My mouth became unable to form words to express the anger inside me.

"Twenty million dollars. It's all yours. On the condition that you leave Japan and never return to Syaoran."

A small 'o' formed on my lips and my hands started trembling. Did she really have such a low opinion of me? Did everyone think I was no good, only out for one thing?

"You… you really think you can just pay me to leave?" I said horrified. I was waiting, waiting to be jerked out of a nightmare. Back to middle school, before all this happened. Before I even knew what it was like to love someone.

But no, here I was facing the woman I loathed more than anyone else in the world.

"I know someone like you has never seen that much money in their lives and you probably never will. Just take it Kinomoto. There's no point in pretending anymore, there's nothing for you with regards to Syaoran, and there never will be."

I couldn't even produce a tear. Even if I could, it would be wasted on someone like Yelen. This was too much in one day. I felt dizzy, but still I retaliated.

"You know Yelen, I pitied you. When your husband died I could somehow understand your bitterness. I even looked past the fact that your behaviour towards me worsened. I thought you were in grief. But that didn't matter. You never liked me did you? From the day you met me you despised everything about me. I couldn't do anything right. All I ever wanted to do was to love your son, was that so bad? We were never given a chance! I know it was you! I know you forced Xiao Lang to write that letter didn't you!"

I wanted to get a reaction out of her. I wanted so badly to wipe the smile of her face. But her smiled widened and sent a chill down my spine. She simply could not be fazed.

"Oh Kinomoto…someone like you…could never be with a Li…you are poised and I'll make sure….you do not destroy us…"

"I never tried to destroy you Yelen! You are destroying your own family through what you are and continuing to do! You can't blame me for everything!" I fumed and had to restrain myself from ripping the IV from her wrist.

"Just take the money and leave Kinomoto! All you do is destroy and destroy! First it was Syaoran, you poisoned him against the man he was suppose to be, disciplined and honourable to tradition and obedient to me. Then you moved onto my girls. Thanks to you Feimei and Fuutie have made themselves a laughing stock of Tomoeda with their drunken escapade like two untamed misfits! I am ashamed of them and it's thanks to you! Now they are leaving me! They are moving to Japan and fleeing with mysterious men whom I've never heard of. They are turning into untamed tramps and it's down to you and only YOU!" She screamed this without hesitance or pausing to breathe. Her deep hatred of me was coming out of her like there was no tomorrow.

She screamed without a care that she might be disturbing any neighbouring rooms or patients. For now, it was only us in the world. This ever continuous conflict between us was exploding into something very, very ugly.

"They deserve a life Yelen! Not to be constantly under your watch! You're suffocating them, you turned them against you yourself without my help!"

"Don't you EVER tell me how to run my family! It never started with that though did it? You and your family muscled your way into our lives, into my husbands life! You changed my husband! Take the money and LEAVE! I never want to see your face again!"

There was so much aggression and anger her voice. Her hands were curled upwards in a claw like motion.

When silence descended my hands clenched until my knuckles went white.

"I don't need your money Yelen. After the wedding, you will never see me again, neither will Syaoran. You will be happy and so will I."

I ripped the cheque up into pieces and it fell like snow when I threw it at her.

I was nearly out the door but Yelen decided I didn't have enough.

"Maybe you're not a gold digger, maybe you're just a whore!"

I felt anger like no other at that moment.

"Well I'd rather be a whore than a Li!"

"Liar." She said through her teeth.

"One day you'll get what's coming to you Yelen. Believe me, I can't wait until that day comes. Goodbye Yelen."

I stormed out of the room and out of the hospital. I half ran past a very concerned Fuutie and a grinning Fanran. I didn't stop for anything. I needed to get out of there. I needed to be far away from her and them. Under a darkening sky I just wanted to disappear into nothingness.

At least there, I could not feel Yelen's presence, I wouldn't have too feel so… unworthy.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As I walked slowly on the dirt path that would take me home I couldn't help but to reminisce about a time before all of this. Penguin park came into view and for once in a long time a smile found my lips. I remembered being a child of ten. Eriol, Syaoran Tomoyo and I. The innocence of it all was something I sorely missed. Who knew we would end up like this?

With the wedding coming up soon I wondered where I blinked and missed all of this. Was there anything I could have done to prevent this from happening? My gut told me no.

I couldn't wait to leave all this. My life could only go up from here. Maybe Canada was my calling. I've hit rock bottom and I couldn't go any lower.

I stopped in my tracks when Penguin Park came into view. She stood leaning onto the edge of the bridge. Her hands were clasped in her hands and she looked as if she too, were reminiscing. Maybe she was thinking the same as I… Maybe.

I slowed my steps as to not disturb her. I paused beside her and mirrored her posture. We said nothing to begin with. We mellowed under the bleak sky.

She was the first to break the silence.

"Yelen's condition is all our fault." She said in a neutral tone.

I nodded my head and closed my eyes. Everything seemed to be my fault. The blame automatically went to me in everything.

I could see her biting the inside of her lip, she had something on her mind that was just aching to get out.

"So how long have you been sleeping with my fiancé?"

I didn't even flinch when she asked me this, nor did I ask how she came about knowing it. I just assumed everyone knew about Syaoran and I, our infidelity, maybe Eriol even knows.

"I haven't slept with him Tomoyo; can I say the same about yourself and Eriol?"

She bowed her head down in either shame or annoyance that I knew.

"How could you Sakura?" She said ignoring her own deceitful ways.

"You first. You're the one who's engaged, you would know."

She balled her fists and walked away angrily in a circle as if to calm herself.

"Was all of this part of your plan to get back at me? Well? Are you happy now."

"I don't have time for this Tomoyo." I said brushing past her.

"Don't walk away from this Kinomoto!" She fumed.

Kinomoto? So we're reduced to this are we?

"Fine. What do you want to hear Tomoyo? What do you want me to say?"

"What's your next move? I know you want me to suffer more so come on, now what? Are you just going to leave for Canada and desert all this mess you made?" She stabbed a finger at me with so much hatred in her eyes.

"Nothing I do will make you happy though will it? If I stay you'll accuse, me of ruining your life, if I go I'm a coward. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

"Oh stop with the innocent act! It's all because of you Syaoran can't love me! He hates me, he neglects me. You turned everyone against me! If you just left Syaoran alone, if you gave him a chance to love me then I wouldn't have done what I did! I wouldn't have gone to Eriol, I wouldn't have cheated! You forced me to Eriol, you made me betray Syaoran!"

"Cut the fucking innocent victim act Tomoyo!" I screamed loud enough to draw attention of a couple walking on the opposite side of the park.

"You and I both know you would have gone to Eriol sooner or late! I didn't start the affair Tomoyo, yes it was mutual but it's not my fault I've always loved Syaoran! I won't apologise for being with him because for once I was happy!" My emotions unleashed themselves from my mouth. I was like a broken tap that couldn't repair itself.

"You couldn't accept it could you? You can't accept that Syaoran wanted me and not you. For once in you life you didn't get what you wanted. Now you know how I felt!"

"God Tomoyo you still don't know do you? Syaoran never chose you he was _forced _to be with you!"

I told myslef I'd never tell her. I knew it would cause her an unbelievable amount of pain. Who wants to know their marriage was a well concocted plan by their mother in law. She stood there saying nothing. She obviously didn't know what I meant by this. She masked her face in her hands briefly; her engagement ring glittered dully.

"There's no point in lying to yourself anymore Tomoyo, you don't' love Syaoran." I said blankly.

She tore her hands from her face to give me a look of pure anger. "That's not true! I do love Syaoran!"

"Yeah, that's why you fled to the arms of another man."

"Shut up!" She whimpered and paced around but never left the perimeter of the bridge. "You can't say that I don't' love him! I've put up with his short temper, his anger and poor attempts to love me all these years and why? Because I love him! I'll admit I have feelings for Eriol, I won't deny that, but don't you ever say I don't love Syaoran, why else would I stick around? Well?"

"I don't know, maybe a desperate attempt to please your mother!" I shouted knowing I'd hit a sore spot in her. "Face it Tomoyo, you only continue with this charade because you think it's what's expected of you! You can't think for yourself and you never could. You're incapable of making your own decisions. You do what everyone else tells you, even if that means hurting me!"

"Stop…" Tears were forming in her eyes. She looked so tired and drained. Her cheekbones protruded from her face adding to a sickly look about her.

"Tell me you wouldn't give anything to see Eriol at that alter instead of Syaoran. Tell me that! Tell me!"

"I-I I don't know!"

"You can't have them both Tomoyo. When you marry Syaoran that's it! You can't go back on that! It's not fair to toy with Eriol like this! Eriol has always been there for you Tomoyo! He left the country for you to be happy, he loves you more than anyone else on the planet. Are you really so blind as to not see that? His patience will wear thin Tomoyo and you will lose him forever."

"I'm trying to be with Eriol to but-but I just don't know!"

"An affair consisting of stolen moments is _not_ being with someone Tomoyo!"

"Stop..."

"No Tomoyo! You hurt me and you know you did! You were once like my sister! You were my family, but then you hurt me in more ways than one. You've changed! I've watched you over the years become swallowed up in a world that you don't belong. It's like over the years you've stopped listening to your morals! You've changed into something that you don't even like! Now, Eriol and I don't matter to you do we? We're simply not good enough are we?"

"Agh!" She screamed and as her hands tangled themselves in her hair. She pulled until I could see her scalp turn white. I was convinced she would seriously hurt herself.

"Tomoyo stop!" I said feeling guilty immediately. I lunged at her and pushed her hands from her hair.

In a split second she snapped and I saw her eyes become deranged. She lunged at me and thrust me away from her.

"Don't touch me! You think you actually have it hard? Do you! You've had a perfect life Sakura! You were the most popular girl in school, class president, prom queen, you had everything. Every guy wanted to be with you, everyone loves you and I had to play second to you for years! I was forever in your shadow, you were better than me in everything you did! You even had my mother's love for fuck sake!"

"That's a lie Tomoyo. Your mother always hated me and you know it!"

"No," She laughed. "She didn't hate _you_, she hated the fact you weren't her daughter! She hated the fact that I wasn't _you!_ So she made me something that you would never be, a Li!"

The maddening look in her eye scared me. A side to her was revealing itself to me. I feared she would drown me in the very river under our feet.

"I'm just so flawed in your eyes aren't I Sakura? I disgust you now don't I? Don't I? Well fine, I don't want you to be burdened by my mistakes! Go then! Leave, go to Canada and see if I care! In fact, if you can't stand what I've become, don't even bother come to my wedding! Just leave! You and I are no longer friends! I don't want anything to do with you!" Her echo faded out into the cold, sharp air.

As if all everything she said drained her from the inside, she slumped to the ground, defeated and deflated.

I couldn't say any more.

Like a book I saw her life so far flash before my eyes. The envy and jealousy of my 'perfect' life, the yearning to be accepted by the Li clan and her mother, the pressure to compete with social standards, the inner pain of rejection from her fiancé, and the knowledge that her heart truly belonged to someone else.

It was taking its toll and slowly killing her.

I left her with the conclusion that we we're, as she put it, no longer friends.

The woman behind me was no longer Tomoyo Daidouji, she was a stranger.

A sad victim of her own doing.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Tomoyo's POV**

"I'm just so flawed in your eyes aren't I Sakura? I disgust you now don't I? Don't I? Well fine, I don't want you to be burdened by my mistakes! Go then! Leave, go to Canada and see if I care! In fact, if you can't stand what I've become, don't even bother come to my wedding! Just leave! You and I are no longer friend!"

I regretted the words as soon as they were said. I prayed she understood I was saying it out of anger. She knows me better tha that doesn't she?

She didn't. She walked away obviously the better woman.

"Sakura wait… I didn't mean it… You're right… don't hate me too…please…" I tried to project my voice to her ear, but she was too far gone. Something told me even if she heard me, it would have been pointless. I've sent her away and now, I truly am alone.

I stared at my hands.

God I hate myself.

A churning in my stomach sent me hurling over the bridge. I vomited until my stomach's contents held nothing. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hands. I was reminded of that _other_ problem...

I managed somehow to pick myself up from the cold wooden floor and retreat with intention I didn't know how to play.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The house was quiet, eerie.

The house had indeed; transformed into a prison cell, and Syaoran and I were the inmates.

There was something someone was not telling me.

'_Syaoran didn't choose to be with you, he was forced!"_

The stairs seemed to multiply as I rose up them.

He sat in his office chair with his back to me as still as the furniture around him. The only sign of life I saw in him was his hand, which rested over the chair.

My feet echoed as I took small cautious steps towards him.

I sat in the seat opposite the work desk, as if I were his client where this was business only meeting. He didn't even flinch. The office was darker and misted in shadows. I felt the most unwelcome atmosphere. Without the use of words, I got the feeling he wanted me to leave.

I didn't know how to approach this matter. How can I say this too him, I didn't even know what I wanted. I tapped into my heart and the words that came out shocked even me to the core.

"You don't love me Syaoran, do you?"

I stared at the back of the black, leather chair and waited for a response, anything. But silent he remained. I thought he didn't hear me at first. I looked up at the dark wood of the furniture, everything glared down at me. I was very much, unwelcomed here. The only light permitted to enter the room was the poor greyish light from the huge window in front of him.

I held my breath and contemplated on whether or not to ask the question again.

"No."

His answer was so clear. There was no hesitance in his voice, no second thought, just honesty.

I felt my heart choke, my stomach churn and I thought I would be sick again. The worst part, was that I expected him to say that. My ears just needed conformation, and they got it.

He didn't look at me at all. He merely stared out into the starless sky, probably thinking of her.

"Did you ever love me?"

"Not in the way you want to be loved." He admitted seeming to not care about my reaction. His voice was raspy and rusty.

"Then why? Why did you propose to me?" My voice was hoarse, unable to shout, too tired to scream, too tired to cry.

His chair squeaked as he rotated at a painfully slow speed. In his hand, sat an envelope. He indicated for me to take it, I didn't want to. Dark purple circled sagged his eyes. He was pale, so pale.

With trembling fingers I took it, opened it, and read.

At first I was confused, by the end, I was both sickened and heartbroken. A million things flooded my mind. His coldness towards me, his unexpected attraction to me, his whispers of sweet nothings. It was all lies.

Every single second of it.

Our relationship, our engagement. It was all for nothing.

"You… you are with me because of t-this…" A sob was caught in my throat.

"This Tomoyo, is the only thing that keeps us together. Without this, there never would have been and us." He said this with a stronger voice. He wanted me to understand, he wanted me to understand. He was determined to make me realise.

He just simply never loved me.

"You-you lied to me!" I stood up feeling a new wave of hurt and anger. "H-How could you trick me into this! Do you have any idea what you've done."

"More than you know."

"Were you thinking of her Syaoran? Huh? Were you? Every time you kissed me, looked at me, touched me you were thinking of Sakura weren't you!" I cried.

I flung the vase of the table and watched it break into pieces. All this emotion was building in me like a volcano and I just needed to erupt.

He never flinched. He just didn't care.

"Why me! Why me out of all people Syaoran! What did I do to you? What did I ever do to you."

He stared blankly at a picture of his father on the desk. "You did nothing Tomoyo. I didn't want to involve you in all this."

"But you did! If you don't love me Syaoran then what's the point! What's the point! If you don't want to do it Syaoran then fine, I'm breaking of the engagement!"

He slammed both his hands onto the table and stood up, an action that caused me to gasp and retreat a few steps from him.

"You do that and you will be nothing." A mad look in his eye told me he knew what he was talking about.

"You will lose everything Tomoyo; my mother will make sure of that."

He went on to describe the horrors that await me if I broke of this marriage. He told me everything, the reason we are together, and the reason we cannot be apart.

I saw my life at an end of the old Tomoyo, the new Tomoyo would be a shadow of herself, a replica of my mother.

I stared at me feet, absorbing it all in and hating every second of this new knowledge.

"I'm cheating on you Syaoran, with Eriol." I said quietly. It might as well all come out.

I saw his jaw clench, a vein throbbed in his forehead. I thought he would lose it then and there. I thought he would break everything in this room with the thoughts of his fiancé and his best friend together. But instead, he calmed and breathed twice.

"Fine," He said sitting back onto his chair. "I am not as cruel as my mother Tomoyo. I'll permit you to have your little affair with him. I won't object to you two. All I ask from you is three things. Wear your wedding ring, don't get caught with him, and some day, produce me an heir." He took a glass of scotch and drank it in one, ignoring my incredulous face.

Was that it? Did he really not care about me? After all these years? Me and his best friend, no reaction, just acceptance.

"What kind of a fucking marriage is that! You _permit_ me to be with him, but only when no one's looking! I will _not_ live like that Syaoran I wont!"

He gulped back another glass and shut his eyes probably wishing I would disappear.

"Then leave. You will have nothing."

I clutched my heart and wished I didn't have to say this. But he needed to know. There was no way I would be able to hide this. Hw was right. Eriol would be blacklisted from performing anywhere. His life and passion would be ruined and we would not be happy together.

"I'm pregnant Syaoran."

His face twitched a fraction towards me. His hands clutched the glass tighter, making me nervous. I don't regret telling him. I've known the day before Yelen's heart attack. But due to the chaos, I said nothing. I couldn't tell Eriol just yet. He would hate himself for allowing this to happen. He wanted to be honourable and respective Syaoran, but we gave in. Now we're in the worse predicament imaginable.

"Is it mine?" He asked knowing the answer already.

"What do you think? You haven't touched me in years."

The most nauseating silence fell. He stared at the bleak glass. I screamed when he smashed in against the window with pure rage.

"Do you still want me now Syaoran? Before you even ask I will _not_ get rid of it."

He rubbed his temples. The frustration to punch something radiated of him.

"Then we have no choice do we? I need to think Tomoyo. Leave before I fucking break something." He slumped back onto the chair and grabbed the whole bottle. He disappeared out of my sight behind the chair to drink his sorrows away.

"You know Syaoran, I always overlooked your treatment of me. I put up with everything from you. I let you secretly hate me for years! I did everything for you, I changed myself for you! I lost my friends and I let myself become a stranger to myself all for you Syaoran! I never hated you, ever! I was loyal to you for most of our relationship and all this time you were lying to me!Because for some bizarre reason I loved you. I always did. Though it diminished over time it never left. Now I-…I just can't Syaoran. I feel nothing for you now. I… I hate you."

That was the first time I've ever said 'hate' to someone.

His words fell like bitter rain.

"You sleep with my best friend, a funny way of showing love Tomoyo." He actually laughed. I was becoming convinced he was going mad, deranged. He reclused himself in his office rejecting the world. This, would be my life.

"You're telling me you you never slept with her?" I said with actually a glint of hope.

"No."

"What are we doing about the baby?" I asked biting my lip.

"For tonight Tomoyo. I just don't care. I just don't care about anything."

I fled his presence, I just couldn't do this. I couldn't be with Eriol ever, I couldn't have the simple things I longed for when I was a child. A husband who loved me, to have a child that I wasn't ashamed of.

But that was not the life I, Tomoyo Daidouji was destined to have.

God I hated him now, I hate you Syaoran Li.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**I have to re-write the next chapter all over again :/ Sorry about that :L**

**Sorry for the short chappie too, school work's piling up on me. I know ye want me to skip to the wedding but trust me it's not that far of!**

**R&R!**


	14. Breaking Point

**Hellloooo! **

**I had exams all week so didn't get a chance to write :( Anyway here's another chapter! **

**It's nearly the end of this fanfic! :O**

**As usual, hope you enjoy!**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Syaoran's POV**

I glared at the empty wine glass wishing it was big enough to drown in. The monophonic drones on my colleagues blended into weary sound. On the banner behind me read 'Happy Engagement.' Happy my ass.

"Shouldn't you be with your fiancé?" Sheifa hissed into my ear whilst keeping the plastered smile on her face.

"Do me a favour and fuck off." I said turning away from the circle who continued to chat. I was in no mood to socialise with anyone even to please Sheifa for a second.

"It's looks suspicious if you are not with her." She said clinging to my arm.

I tore away from her. She was like a leech that fitted comfortably into our mother's shoes. She scowled and would have gone after me if she weren't distracted by a new entourage of people who stepped in.

Through the thick atmosphere I made my way over to the table. I closed my eyes and wished for this night to just end already.

"Syaoran."

Lazily my eyes made my contact with Eriols. He looked at me with something I could only identify as sympathy. Was he pitying me? Seriously? As I narrowed my eyes at my best friend I found that I simply couldn't muster up any energy to pretend to be angry.

"You showed up." I laughed quietly.

His face remained stone cold. "You don't look so good Syaoran."

I smirked and looked across the room towards Tomoyo who was listening with dead eyes to Yamagata-san. Her thumb moved to draw small discreet circles on the bottom of her stomach. A sick feeling rose in me. How was I going to handle this? I closed my eyes and sighed. Of course I don't look good. Lately appearance has been last on my agenda.

"I believe congratulations are in order." He said. He was obviously nervous. Eriol was never good with his guilt. I truly believe it was killing him inside. The fact that I knew he was suffering eased some initial anger I might have felt.

"No, I believe congratulations are in order for _you_." I smirked at my engagement ring.

Behind his glasses he squinted in confusion. "Tomoyo's pregnant." I said in a low voice but lacked any concern.

His mouth formed a small 'o' and I saw his fingers clench. His pupils guiltily shot down to his shoes. As if he realised he forgot himself he smiled a forced smile.

"Wow, congra-"

"It's yours Eriol. I know about everything." I don't know what possessed me to tell him all of this. A part of me was dying with every single second that passed and got closer to the day. Did I even care anymore what happens to me?

For the sake of the rest of my family, and my father's reputation, I guess I had to.

Eriol paled before my eyes. His lip quivered slightly before his eyes descended downwards in shame once more.

"Syaoran… you don't know how sorry I am. I didn't mean for all this to happ-"

"Don't."

He closed his mouth and looked at me.

"I don't hate you Eriol, I'm disappointed but… I'm not really one to talk." He caught my meaning and nodded understandingly.

"I take it you don't want to talk about this here." He whispered. Eriol, second to Sakura always had an understanding to what I was feeling. Right now he knew I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was certainly not in the mood to discuss this.

"I'm sorry Syaoran, but I do love her Syaoran."

"At least that makes one of us." I said walking away from him and disappearing to the other side of the room.

I was constantly being pulled aside to be congratulated. I was really starting to get pissed. Usually I could at least pretend but tonight I just couldn't. I couldn't fake interest anymore.

A hand suddenly grabbed my forearm and held it tightly. I turned around to see no body but merely an arm. Finally Meiling pushed her way through. She was out of breath but looked like something from a vogue magazine.

"Meiling, I thought you weren't going to make it." I said smiling and bringing her into a hug. I truly did miss her, but something told me she was here for other matters.

"You know me, I do what I can." She grinned with a gleam in her eye. "So anyway…" She nodded her head away from the crowd inclining we go to a quieter scene.

We emerged into the cold air outside the house. I could feel my heart thump as I gauged Meiling's unreadable face. Her eyes, black as they were, managed to grow darker. Her lips formed a thin line as she began to shake her head like a doctor delivering bad news.

"I'm sorry Syaoran." She said and concealed her face with her hands. I could tell she was angry with herself.

"You didn't find anything did you?" I said slumping to the porch seat. Who was I kidding? I never expected her to find anything. If she didn't the first time, how would she the second?

She sat beside me and sighed loudly. "Don't beat yourself up. I suspected forgery as soon as I read the letter too. I was on edge waiting for my team to come back with the results but every time the results came back the same." She rubbed her temples. Her silk black hair sat defeated on her shoulders.

"I even gave the letter to my close personal assistant. She did some results and there is evidence of forgery there, but there so minute and difficult to detect that it wouldn't hold up in court. Someone could easily argue that it wasn't then we'd just make fools of ourselves. Yet it's so not like your father to be like that. He was a reasonable man."

"But he was stern too." I commented.

"That's true, but to be so harsh to single out Sakura is so…..so unlike Xiao Lang. It couldn't have been him who wrote it."

"We can sit here all we want and talk about this but it changes nothing. We have no proof, therefore, no case." For the first time I said it. It stung to hear myself speak the truth.

Meiling nodded in agreement. "But with the percentage increase of forgery in Asia over the past six years, the new laws state that unless there is outstanding evidence of forgery or an original is found, then you must go with what you have. Simply saying it couldn't have been your father would make us a laughing stock in a court. The fact that the letter was re-evaluated several times doesn't help either. Traditionally a man like Xiao Lang or anyone of that high business standard leaves a will or last wish to the oldest son. It's practically law nowadays."

"Without an original to prove other wise…"

"We must go with this one." She concluded.

Under the yellow glow of the porch light we sat and wallowed in the unfortunate. I always said that when this happened I'd go with plan B. I would just leave and take her with me. I'd find some way for us to be happy. I just didn't foresee her objection to it, and I underestimated the consequences. I couldn't force her to be with me.

"So what you're saying is… There is no hope." Again I laughed. This was my one shred of hope left, and now there was no chance.

"I'm not saying that Syaoran, we can try! We can try to bring it to court! We might not win but-"

"There's no point Mailing. We have no case. It would shine attention on Sakura too… I don't want to involve her more than she already is."

She placed a hand over mine. "I'm sorry Syaoran, I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

"It's not your fault Meiling. It's just the way it happened."

I could feel the anger rise in me, the frustration taking over. The music from the inside was unbearable. Those people have no idea; nobody knows what's truly going on.

I stood up and paced away, away from Meiling, from the party, from those people.

"Syaoran? Syaoran where are you going? Syaoran!" Meiling's voice became distant the further I walked away from her, and when I shut the car door I could hear nothing but the outside wind crashing into my car as it drove faster and faster away.

I didn't know where I was going. My body has a destination in mind and kept it secret from my brain. But as I turned onto a familiar road I smiled a little knowing where I was going.

xxx

**Tomoyo's POV**

The scene around me was like something plucked out of a fairytale book, and I was the princess. If I were not so miserably dethatched from the present, I would have relished in it.

With my eyes half open I hazily glanced at the thick crowd in my home. They jeered and laughed and endlessly approached me giving me their best wishes for the 'big day' which was happening in a frightening two days. All around me the air was filled with a vibrant energy that I could not in any way be a part of.

I stood beside Feimei who chatted amiably to me. Her words blurred into one long drone. I couldn't absorb anything. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. My mother had indeed made sure I looked more than presentable at my engagement party. The dark circles under my eyes were concealed by make up and a light glow sat on my skin. You truly wouldn't believe by looking at me that I was dead inside.

Across the room, Syaoran stood among some colleagues. He mirrored my expression. We were supposed to be the happy couple, but we were exactly the opposite. He didn't speak or look like he was engaging in the conversation. The rest of them laughed but silent he remained, gazing into nothing. We've spoke not over five words since that night. It is not hate that separates us now, its guilt. We both felt ashamed and to look at each other brought unsettling feelings in both of us. I don't know how I will survive the next few days.

I bit my lip and subtly, without drawing any attention, stroked my stomach with my fingertips. A small sob rose in my throat. My stomach was still flat but I felt it there. My baby, my child, Eriol's child.

I sighed and excused myself from Feimei's presence. I busied myself by wandering idly through the thick crowd stopping occasionally because people wanted to extend their congratulations. One thing I could be relieved of was the absence of Yelen's presence. She was recovering in the hospital but doctors assured she would be ok to release on the day of the wedding. I could practically see the smirk on her face. Only she could stare death in the face, scoff and shoo him away for now.

Her absence was strangely filled by Sheifa. She transformed into the loudest most charismatic person in the room. I imagined she was a younger Yelen. She made a point in seeing to everyone's needs and sucked up to all the right people to give the impression that this was indeed a happy occasion. Fanran sulked in the corner drinking from a wine glass that never seemed to empty.

There was not one person here from my childhood to delight in this 'happy occasion. Chiharu cancelled last minute saying Takashi was sick, Rika and Naoko did stop by but left rather early but with promises to be present at the wedding. How is it that my once closest friends have now become people I can't seem to relate to?

I sighed, I knew exactly why.

I spoke briefly to Meiling who, through the years has remained neutral towards me, not hating me, not being my best friend either. As Syaoran's cousin she made the effort to keep in regular contact with me and I was happy about that at least.

"Tomoyo!" My mother sauntered up to me to grab my arm.

She was dressed up to the nines as if she were the one getting married.

"Tomoyo darling Mr Haru Yamagata wants to meet you! He works in a branch firm for Syaoran in South Tokyo and you simply must meet him! Oh Tomoyo it's all we dreamed of! These are the type of people you need to be involved with. I'm telling you, this is only the start!" She jeered and smiled like a schoolgirl.

If this were only the beginning then the rest of my life was to be a bleak and bitter one.

"Yamagata-san! This is my Tomoyo but of course you know that!"

Mr Yamagata was a plump man with a bald shiny head you could see your reflection in. I bowed politely.

"Oh Daidouji-san, she is as beautiful as her mother."

Mother blushed at this and batted her eyes at the unattractive man. God, she could be so pathetic, and my father standing right behind her.

Was I any better? With my mother it was innocent flirting but with me well….

My thumb stroked my stomach and I sighed.

"Congratulations Daidouji-san. A fine wife you'll make Li-san. I've been working with him for years and was just waiting for this event!" He laughed as jolly as Santa Claus would.

I tried to force a smile but it was tight, forced and lacked anything genuine. This whole evening is a sham, this event was a lie. I couldn't even thank Yamagata-san. I couldn't speak; my mouth was on strike from producing any words. So I simply bowed again and tightened my smile.

Yamagata-san talked on and on about his business and future hopes for what was to become of it. I didn't digest a word of it. My eyes oscillated from him to the front door on the other side of the room. Was it so bad that I missed him incredibly? If he showed up I wouldn't know how to contain myself, I wouldn't know what to say. How could I tell him about the baby? What could I say?

I felt my chest tighten. My head started to pound. I closed my eyes and placed a hand over my head. I didn't want him to come here yet… I needed him so bad.

"I'm sorry Yamagata-san. I don't feel well. Excuse me." I turned and left them ignoring the shocked and incredulous look on my mother's face. I would have to pay for that one. Blowing of an executive for the Li enterprise would be social suicide in my mother's books.

I felt suffocated as I pushed my way away from people who I now ignore. My feet found the staircase and I trudge up them.

"Tomoyo! Where are you going?" My mother snapped and followed me with a look of extreme worry. "How can you just dismiss and executive like that in the middle of a conversation! Do you realise how rude you were!" She flung her arms out.

I only walked faster but she followed me all the way to my bedroom.

I tried to slam the door in her face but she caught it last minute and forced her way in.

"What has come over you? You're behaving like a spoilt child Tomoyo! March back down them stairs apologise to Yamagata-san and you stay there until you are appropriately dismissed!"

"I am not a child mother! And if it's so important to you then go fucking entertain them yourself!" I screamed.

A look of extreme shock consumed her face for a long moment. Her hand flew to her chest.

"H-how d-dare you speak to me l-like that Tomoyo. After all I've done fore you-"

"Oh just stop it! This is all for you. You're living the life you wish you had through me and congratulations, it's working for now so don't push it." I paced away from her rubbing my head in annoyance.

"No Tomoyo no I'm doing it for you darling, all for you." She clasped her hands together whilst trying to win me back.

You can see where I get my trait of denial from. She shook her head and kept that plastered smile on her face. Was that me? Was I ever as bad as that? I groaned loudly to think I could have been. I could indeed have been so pathetic.

"Did you know?" I asked turning towards her.

"Know what honey?"

"Know why Syaoran choose to be with me! Did you and Yelen plan this together? Were you apart of it?"

She looked at me as if I spoke a completely different language. By the way she stood there waiting for me to elaborate I knew that she didn't know anything. She was just a pawn in Yelen's game too. Something told me even if I blurted it all to her now she wouldn't even care. She'd shrug it off. It wouldn't affect her in the slightest. In fact she'd just applaud Yelen for being a social genius.

"Tomoyo honey, come back downstairs. Talk to your fiancé, mingle a little. You're to stressed darling let me speak on your behalf. Just come with me." She tugged on my hand to lead me away as if I were a toddler completely unable to make her own decisions.

Well not anymore.

I snapped my hand away from her. There was no force on earth that would bring me back there.

"Do you even give a shit?" I shouted and flared my arms out. "Do you even care that I'm obviously unhappy marrying Syaoran! Well, are you!"

She stood baffled and lost for words. My mother was never good with confrontation. She buried her head in the sand so much it was difficult to even talk to her realistically.

"T-Tomoyo I.. I-"

"You wouldn't would you." I spat. "You really don't care about me mother do you?" I said quietly that I doubt she even heard me.

"I have lost the only true friend I ever had because of all this." I whimpered.

I didn't see her hand strike my cheek. I only felt it. The rough friction of her palm against my cheek sent shockwaves of pain. I collapsed to the floor not really knowing how I got there but being fully aware of the pain on my cheek.

In a split second I was transported back five years ago. Even the sight of my mother towering over to me was frightening familiar.

"I though we'd never have this conversation again Tomoyo. What did I say to you the last time? WELL!" I half crawled backwards with a terror that was familiar to me. The click of her heels closed in towards me. With wobbly knees I stood up. I would have fallen back again if she hadn't caught my elbow in an ice grip.

"You remember what I told you before don't you!"

I knew what she wanted me to say. I refused to satisfy what she wanted. I had to break this control she had over me. She could not influence my life forever.

Her fingers dug themselves so far into my skin I was sure she would crush the bone.

"I'll remind you then." She said cold and dangerously. This was a side to her that revealed itself as a way of protecting herself against anything that might ruin what she had.

"Nadeshiko's little bitch won't ruin this for us. If that queer of a brother of hers can find someone then so will she!"

"How can you say that?" I gasped hearing her refer to the Kinomoto's like that. I knew she was harsh, but not like this. "Toya's your nephew for Gods' sake."

"They are nothing to us Tomoyo. After the wedding you will have nothing to do with them do you hear me? They are _nothing_ to us!"

"You can't tell me who I can and can't talk to." I said through my teeth. I was in a vulnerable position at the moment. She didn't notice my hand which was fully spread over my stomach.

"Don't dare cry Tomoyo. Compose yourself and get back downstairs now!"

"No! Don't touch me ever again! Stay the fuck away from me!" My roar echoed so loud I wouldn't be surprised if guests downstairs could hear me over the music.

"Tomoyo-"

"Get the FUCK OUT!" I screamed with my hands trembling.

Her jaw dropped and she became speechless. The room was quiet and I my heart quickened as I anticipated what her reaction would be.

She stuttered and stumbled backwards. The roles were reversed. She opened and closed her mouth struggling to find words. In the end she half ran away from me. I shook all over. I've never spoken to her like that before. In fact, I've never raised my voice like that to anyone.

I collapsed onto my knees and slowly crawled over to the bedside.

Fear then consumed me. I wanted Eriol, I needed him. But he wasn't here, and if he were, I would have to send him away. At a moment like this, the thing a girl needed, was a best friend.

But I chased mine away.

Why, why did I have to be born into this nightmarish society? I wished I could go back in time, re-do all of this mess. I wish I could tell myself to make my own decisions. But there was no point in wishful thinking. Why me… why me…

My fingers predictably changed from playful curling in my hair to gripping it tightly. My hands went on a frenzy pulling and puling at my scalp to numb my inner pain. It served as some distraction and blocked my tears. I deserved this pain. My fingers twisted and turned as if they were trying to bury themselves underneath my scalp.

I stopped for a moment. I paled when my eyes fell on my hands. Clumps of lavender hair knotted and twisted between my fingers.

I was convinced I was going mad. This was going too far. I plucked it from my fingers as my chest tightened.

I contemplated on a thought. Through my tears my hands found the phone sitting on the dresser. I found myself dialling a number and not knowing what I would say.

It rang on….and on…and then I got her voicemail.

I knew she was there. I needed to say something but I couldn't form words.

So I dug deep.

"….Sakura…I, I don't really know what to say." I laughed nervously and wiped my nose. "I… you'd think I'd be so happy right now. Remember when we were ten; I had everything planned didn't I? My dream wedding. I had it all planned so perfectly in my head. In two days I should be the happiest girl in all of Japan. And it's not the obvious fact that… you know, the whole thing with Syaoran and I, or the fact that I' marrying into a life that's not meant for me. When I was downstairs talking to people who don't really care about me, I was thinking about you. You were right Sakura, I've changed... I don't expect you to come to the wedding, I'll understand if you don't. But…I would like to see you sometime before you leave. I know it's a lot to ask and I…I completely understand if you want nothing to do with me. I just want to apologise to you, face to face." I wiped a tear from my eye and bit my lip. "I can't undo anything. You have no idea how much I'm hating myself right now." Again I laughed nervously. My hand soothingly rested on my red raw scalp.

"I know it's too late, and I know things were said, bad things mainly on my part. But I want you to know Sakura, from the bottom of my heart that I am truly, truly sorry. It's long over-due, and I hate how we've grown apart..but I do know it's all because of me…I'm sorry Sakura…I'm so sorry."

I sob blocked any more words. I hoped she was listening. I hope she knew how much I meant it. Knowing there was nothing more I could say, I hung up with wishes that I got through to her to some degree. I pathetic phone call would not patch up the bridge of our friendship. I probably will never make it up to her, but I could try.

Placing my hands on my stomach I rubbed it freely. Would I be a mother like mine? Would I become so bitter about the events of my life that I would try to redeem it through my child? It could happen; I bet my mother had hopes when she was a child. I bet my grandmother forced my mother into that life.

No, as I stroked the skin protecting my child I thought, I would redeem myself somehow. I vowed to be the best mother alive. My child would have anything it could ever want. I'd support it in any choice he or she made. Every time I looked at him or her I'd see Eriol and I know, I would do my best. My child will love me; they will never hate me…

I hate crying, I really do. In two days I would not be permitted to cry anymore. I didn't hear the door open softly, nor did notice the footsteps approach me. I was too consumed in a world of my own. If it were a girl…she'd be called Kimiyo…if a boy…

"Tomoyo." I gasped slightly.

I didn't get up from the floor. I remained intensely lost in his eyes until slowly he took up a floor space beside me. We didn't speak. He looked lost. It was a while since we've spoken last. My hands remained frozen at my sides. His fingertip, which sat next to mine, stroked mine tenderly. He remained staring at the opposite wall blankly.

"You shouldn't be here." I said even though it killed me. "You should leave."

"Is that what you really want?"

I sniffed and looked away. "Of course it's not. I don't want you to ever leave me. But… I think you know why we can't…"

"Why we can't be together." He finished for me.

"It's not fair to Syaoran. We're stopping this Eriol. You shouldn't be here." I couldn't look at him. I had to send him away. I couldn't prolong any of this, it hurt too much.

"When were you going to tell me about the baby?"

I slapped a hand over my mouth. My hands trembled again but I kept my eyes locked onto the floor.

"How did you know-"

"Syaoran told me."

"Wh-why?" I said not believing that Syaoran would utter a word about this situation to anyone.

"He's not himself anymore. I don't even think he fully understood what he was saying to me. When were you going to tell me?"

"I wasn't." I answered honestly. "What was the point in us both suffering? I wanted you to go on with your own life, back in London and not here where there seems to be nothing but misery."

He clamped my face in his hands.

"Then come with me."

"What?"

"Come back to London with me. We don't have to come back here. We'll start again. The three of us, you'll be away from your mother and-"

"No Eriol." My voice was firm and cut him off.

I took his hands away from me and rubbed my neck trying to think of a way to make him understand. "Eriol, certain things are keeping us apart. Believe me, if they didn't exist of course we'd be together. If things weren't more complicated then they seemed, do you think Syaoran would be with me?"

His eyes avoided mine, he must know, if he didn't then he certainly could see there were complications beyond his control.

"We'll manage."

"No Eriol do you know how that would affect people? I couldn't leave knowing the effects it would have on Syaoran and you! You would be blacklisted from anywhere and so would I! Then what would we do? How would we live then!"

"It's not al about money Tomoyo. We'll survive."

"Well I can't leave with you knowing its hurting people! All I've done is hurt people and I'm sick of it!"

"So what you just want me to walk out of your life? Out of our _child's_ life! Do you think I'd actually do that!"

"No Eriol …" I stood up and paced away from him rubbing my head in frustration. He stood behind me waiting for an answer I did not know how to give. "Of course you'll still see the baby of course!"

This was the worst predicament I've ever faced. Syaoran won't say it but we'll probably have to raise this child as his. The first Li of Tomoyo and Syaoran. How could I involve Eriol in this? How could I cause him so much pain to be present in the child's life but not being _apart _of it? How could we keep it a secret? When every passing year would see my son or daughter lack any dominant Li features? If it were ever found out, it would be the end of Syaoran, myself, Eriol, and our child would be known as the bastard child of deceit.

How do you look a child in the eye and say they had two dads? How do you deny a man to be apart of something that is his?

"And how will I see it? Through E-mails? Photo's? Am I just going to be the stranger who randomly shows up? Am I going to have to play second to Syaoran as the father? I can't live not knowing my kid, my first child. I'm not leaving Tomoyo. I've left you once and it nearly killed me. I'm not going to do it again!"

"Why do you love me Eriol why! How can you possibly feel anything for me when all I do is cause pain and heartbreak everywhere I go! You could have anyone else in the world, why me!"

"Because you're not a bad person like you think you are Tomoyo. I love you, and I always will. Neither you or anyone can change that nor you can push me away as much as you like, I'm not leaving."

I kept backing away from him until my back hit the cold surface of the window. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After all this, he's seen me at my worst and yet he still wants to be there for a train wreck like me.

At that moment I was convinced that we all have truly gone insane. Syaoran had adopted a world of his own that shuns out anyone but Sakura. I, for obvious reasons am not completely sane and Eriol… just the fact he still wanted me made me question his mental state. Yes, we've all gone mad. Oddly enough Sakura seems to be the only one who came out sane in all of this. She's probably the most effected but yet, she is by far the strongest. That thought only pained me more that I pushed her away.

"What will you do… in when I'm married."

He didn't phase or move. "You and Syaoran… won't be married." He smiled a tranquil yet disturbing smile. "Something will intervene I- I just know it will. Something will put an end to all this madness. You'll see. Something will happen."

He actually convinced himself that this was true. He saw hope at the end of this disastrous tunnel. As he closed in on me I did not retreat. He was inches from my face. But I refused to let him kiss me. This would be the last time I ever let Eriol Hiiragizawa be alone with me. For the sake of a stable life for our child, I would become a hard stone. I would be a pillar and sacrifice the one thing I wanted. I don't know how this was going to work, I truly didn't.

"You don't believe me do you?"

"No. But I really hope I'll be proven wrong." He didn't kiss me, which I was both glad and saddened by. Instead his arms wrapped around me, embracing my tightly. My hand slipped between us to rest protectively on my tummy.

"I'll protect you." I whispered so quietly that even Eriol couldn't hear me. "You won't suffer for our mistakes."

As I buried my head into his chest, I swore it would be the last time I would do so.

I felt so safe here, with him. He could always shoo away my fears but unfortunately not destroy them for now. Would I ever feel this safe again? Would I ever look at Syaoran and feel an ounce of what I'm feeling now?

But something in the determination of his words, something in the way he gazed at me sparked a little hope inside me that maybe…just maybe something would happen. Maybe there would be a twist in this sick little destiny of ours.

Maybe… just maybe….

x x x

**Sakura's POV**

"I don't expect you to come to the wedding, I'll understand if you don't. But, I would like to see you sometime before you leave. I know it's a lot to ask and I completely understand if you want nothing to do with me. I just want to apologise to you, face to face. I can't undo anything. You have no idea how much I'm hating myself right now."

She laughed nervously.

"But I want you to know Sakura, from the bottom of my heart that I am truly, truly sorry."

She hung up.

I wanted so badly to have the nerve to delete that message. But I didn't.

I felt a swell in my heart. Tomoyo, what should I do? I swore I'd leave her too her life that time on the bridge, but to simply let someone go is easier said than done. A million memories flooded my mind. To think we were once inseparably…

For the moment I wondered what they were doing. It was there engagement party but I certainly was not going to attend. Eriol tried to guilt me into it, but I wasn't having it.

Two days…just two more days…

I wiped my dusty hands of my tracksuit and proceeded to move my boxed things. On my left sat an opened suitcase with clothes spilling out of it. It was all becoming real. My apartment was becoming barer by the minute.

When I took a break I found myself unable to wing myself of certain thoughts.

Beside my hands my car keys winked at me temptingly. It wouldn't do any harm would it? Just one last visit before I left.

I swiped the keys of the counter and left Tomoyo's messaged undeleted.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As I stood in the completed conservatory I couldn't help but to smile a proud smile. Who thought a rookie like me could design something like this?

One window was tinted green and progressively turned golden. I could say I was proud of myself, even if it was not meant for me to admire. The room was shaped like a dome and through its pointed roof there were very few stars which penetrated through a dark sky. A small white glow lit up the room making it seem as if I were in a fairytale.

I was gaping so much at the unusual dark sky I didn't hear the door open quietly and shut with a light thud. I jumped and retreated from the silhouette that was now present.

"How did you know I'd be here?" I asked backing into the nearby window ashamed that I was caught, especially by him.

"I didn't. I guess we both just thought the same." He said with a small smile playing on his lips.

I didn't know how to act. Should I leave? Was it bad I was here after everything that happened?

He looked handsome in his suit and I felt nervous as I began to examine the floor instead of his eyes.

"Shouldn't you be at your engagement party?"

He winced and shook his head. "I needed to breath. Looks like you did too?"

I felt guilty for not having a reasonable explanation for my absence there, but I was sure he understood. He too stopped to gaze around the room and butterflies fluttered in my stomach when he smiled.

"It's amazing Sakura." When the light fell on his face he was God-like. To think he could have been mine. To think this could be our house, I could have been his… could have.

He paused and bit his lip as if an idea was forming in his head. "One second," He said and disappeared into the adjoining room.

A nerving feeling took over me. The last time we were here we weren't so… distant. I was in his arms holding onto a promise that one day it would be forever. I suddenly felt cold to think that was just the wish of a very foolish girl.

He re-emerged with an item. Under the dim lighting I couldn't quite make it out. He hunched behind a beige chair to fix something. I leaned over to try and figure out what he was doing but when I heard familiar music fill the room my gut twisted.

"No Syaoran… just no." I said backing up from him. I knew what he was getting at, and I was not going to do that to myself. This would simply kill me.

I held my hands out to stop him from approaching me but his determination brought him closed to me. He caught my wrists, not in a vulgar motion but a gentle one that caused me to gasp. It was not long before I surrendered to his whim. I found myself falling into a swaying motion with him.

His hand fell onto my waist and he closed the remaining gap between us. It was like we were back to the first dance lesson; then again, he never really did need those. I felt his breath on my forehead, his smell overwhelmed me. He was unknowingly reeling me in. I hated this effect on me, especially when it was so near to the wedding.

He made the bold move of kissing my forehead.

"Syaoran don't…" I pleaded against his motions.

"Sorry." He said sincerely. He was not making this easy.

"So why did you leave?" I asked to fill the silence.

"I couldn't take it anymore; I didn't want to be there anymore, with those people. Besides, I was … thinking of you." His voice dropped to a saddening tone. I could only imagine what he had to go through. I dared not ask about Yelen. I presumed she was still recovering.

"Don't say things like that Syaoran."

He mumbled more apologies but I doubt he meant them. The lull viola's set the scene that was not appropriate for us. Fate was temping us, giving us a taste of what it could have been like, but then knowing it would just take it all away from us. Whether it was cruel or kind I didn't know.

"Why are you doing this Syaoran? It's going to hurt us both in the long run."

"I know." He admitted and held me closer as if he were afraid I would run. "It's just that... this is the last time we'll be here… like this."

Why does he have to say those things? Why does he insist on making this so painful? In a way he was right, we would never, ever be in each other's arms like this again.

His hands stroked my back so softly that Goosebumps covered my arms. For a moment, for one guilty moment I sunk into his chest and emerged myself into a daydream. What if it were me in two days? What if I were the one in white? I was never much of a romantic but at that moment my imagination sky rocketed. I could imagine it so clearly in my mind. But apart from the materialistic side of it all I would have been perfectly content with just him and I. Nothing fancy, just us.

Then in a low whisper his words fell into my ear. "I wish you wouldn't leave."

"I have to Syaoran. Staying here would kill me. It could never work. I have to move on somehow."

I could here him sigh and slow down our pace to a simple rocking motion. My chest tightened and I bit back my lip to control myself. I didn't want to leave either. The realisation that I would not see my family and close friends face to face was not something I looked forward to.

"I know… It's just becoming too real."

"You don't think I'd give anything to be in Tomoyo's shoes right now?" I said laughing apprehensively in a desperate attempt to keep a somewhat light atmosphere between us. He smirked and ducked his forehead until it tipped of mine. His eyelashes curled up to almost meet mine. He held my hand and brought it close to our faces, kissing my fingertips softly.

"You'd look so beautiful. I'd be so nervous seeing you become my bride."

"How do you think I'd feel?" I laughed knowing I had a tremendous stage fright or of anyone staring at me.

"I guess I'd have to make up for that on the honeymoon wouldn't I?" He grinned.

"Oh? And that would be where exactly….?" As the next track proceeded we swayed more pronouncedly.

"Well… any preferences?"

I bit my lip and put an ounce of serious thought into it.

"…Fiji."

"Fiji?" He said arching an eyebrow and holding back his laugher.

"Don't laugh!" I said playfully punching him. "I went there once with my dad, I want you to take me too."

"Fine, Fiji it is."

"Not just for a honeymoon. Let's live there. We won't ever come back to Japan, we'd escape all this, and we'd start again. Forget our old life, we'd be happy…"

"Quite adventurous aren't we?" he spun me under his arm and caught me again.

I was aware, fully aware that this light hearted conversation was something that could turn. I should have left then and there before I got too caught up in it. But to see him happy, smiling after so long, after everything within in the family…I would almost feel guilty to leave him and force him to return to the misery that awaited him. But my heart took control of my mouth and continued to encourage him.

"We'll live by the beach, not on it, near enough so we can see an ocean."

"A mansion on a beach, interesting."

"No, not a mansion, we'll live quietly, we won't draw attention to ourselves. A small two story house with a porch maybe a small balcony." I said getting ideas of this fantasy house.

"And how shall I be able to afford this Mrs Li?"

"You'll support me by running a quaint bar on a quiet street. Maybe I'll open a charity shop or something, or as a waitress. We'll struggle sometimes to make ends meet, and I'll probably worry a little about the mortgage, but we'll make it through, we'll always make it through." I could feel his smile on my forehead as he inhaled my scent.

I felt like I fell into a hidden pool of my deepest wishes. It was luring and so enticing.

"Little Nadeshiko will play piano, we'll stay up late waiting for you because we'll get worried. You'll be so protective of her. But she's so lucky to have a father like you." I said adding our imaginary daughter into this fantasy land. "It won't always be perfect though. We'll fight occasionally, say things we don't mean. You'll storm out of the house and I'll lock myself away from you…The hours will go by and I'd stand outside the porch waiting for you because I know a storms coming… I'll drive myself crazy waiting for you... I won't sleep… just wait…"

"But I'll always come back…"

I wrapped my arms around his waist tighter. "Yeah, you'll always come back. You'd never leave us…"

The closeness between us sent waves of guilt through my body. No romantic moves were made; we knew we had to break away from this. But I went on.

"Nadeshiko will probably move out, go back to Japan… we'll retire through the years into old age... we'll start forgetting things, you'll fall asleep on the sofa reading a newspaper.. I'll worry every night about Nadeshiko but every night she calls…. And every night you'll tell me you love me until we fall asleep…And no one would get hurt because of us…"

I sighed into in chest listening to the echoes of the last track.

"It all sounds perfect." He whispered making the hairs on the back of my neck stand.

"It's a shame it is a reality only meant for our fantasies."

The music dulled out and the 'click' of the tape signalled an end to it. This indeed would be the end.

The last dance, the last memory I would have of us two. There would be no Fiji, no house along the beach, no little replica of myself and Syaoran, no us…

As if the weight of all my sorrow collapsed, I felt the emotional pain rise from my toes, to my knees, to my stomach. It then put a strain on my heart which as a result, caused an uncontrollable shaking all over me.

"I'm sorry Sakura, I told you I'd keep my promise, I told you I wouldn't hurt you again but I did, I'm so, so sorry."

Everyone seemed to be sorry, sorry for this mess. I clenched my jaw shut so hard to keep every syllable locked inside my mouth. Don't cry Sakura, You have to stop crying for him; don't let him see you like this.

"We can still have it Sakura, Just say the word, just say it and we'll leave now, tonight."

I shook my head so hard that strands of my hair fell forward to shield my watering eyes. I so badly wanted to tell him yes, yes take me away from all this. Let's be selfish, let's leave it all despite the consequences! But I couldn't live that way just knowing how it would leave things. Even thought he was confident, and I know he'd leave it all for me, he'd live with the guilt and some sort of shame knowing what he sacrificed and the shame it brought to his family. Not to mention the fact that we would not be happy.

Everyday would be a constant battle between my conscience and morals. I was not made of stone, nor could I live in denial. I wish I could. God I wish I could have the ability to simply not care. But I did.

He swayed me even with the absence of music. The pain inside and the battle not to cry was possibly the worst physical pain I ever felt. It was like all that hours spent wondering why he didn't want me, why we couldn't be together, every tear, every cry came back to hit me with a single blow, and it hurt.

I was thankful for this darkness to shadow my pathetic state.

I felt his hand run through my hair softly kissing my head. Not in the way a lover would kiss another, but more soothing, like a friend would comfort a friend. I couldn't control my shaking. This was all killing me.

Why did I come here? Out of all the men in the world, why did I have to love Syaoran Li? Why did I have to love him? Why!

"Sakura, its ok, you can cry."

I refused, I refused to become weak I…I…

My legs gave way but he supported both our bodies. I stood half-loose in his hold crying louder and harder then I ever did. My hands clawed into his back like they were determined to never let him go. I glued myself to him wanting to remember what it felt like to hold him, be in his arms. My body, which one harboured some restraint suddenly became something that strived for him.

I needed him. He was my everything and soon he will be gone, claimed by another who couldn't possibly love him like I did. I'll never get over him will I? At that moment I doubted I would not walk a day without out seeing the face of Syaoran… my Syaoran.

On and on I wept. When I thought I was done a new wave of tears unleashed themselves accompanied by loud cries muffled only because my head was buried so far into his chest.

My knees could no longer support my body at all but he didn't complain to keep me upright in his strong arms.

He remained strong. I believed I wept for both of us. The pain…the pain was so immense I truly believed my heart had not broken; but had shattered into a million pieces never to be put back together again. There was no warmth in me, just an emptiness that only he could fill.

"It's was always you Sakura. Always know that. It doesn't matter whom I marry…it was always suppose to be you…"

He lulled so sweetly which made this even harder to absorb.

This was it now, our final goodbye. Would I ever see his perfect face again? Or would this be the last picture I'd carve into my mind and in a few years, struggle to picture.

"I love you Sakura. It was always you." He sealed this with a kiss on my forehead.

I wanted to say this back to him. I wanted to say so much to him, everything. I wanted to spill my world to him. But my throat was dry, rasp and unable to produce the right words.

The hardest thing to do was to slip away from his arms. The cold touched my skin harshly and without his touch I felt so empty, as if I let go of a part of me.

"Goodbye…Syaoran." I whispered quietly.

My eyes absorbed every last feature on his face, his eyes, his nose his mouth…

This is how I would remember him., not for the pain, or the heartbreak but God-like and beautiful like he always was to me both inside and out.

I slipped away through the shadows and out into the exposure of the moonlight. Down the cobblestone path I walked with my eyes forward and not daring to even glance back for fear that if I did, I would never escape this.

The pain still lingered around my heart choking it. A pain like this couldn't last forever could it? I prayed that the things that were said tonight would remain a secret to the walls that heard us.

A pain like this will pass over time… it had to….it just had to…

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**I know you all want me to get on with the wedding and all that but don't worry I will! I just wanted to tie some things together in this one.**

**I realised that I've only one more update to make and then I'm finished this fanfic! I think I'm going to update the next final two chapters together so it'll be a while! **

**Anyway many thanks' for the reviews! **

**R&R**

**Coming up next… the wedding….**


	15. Church Bells

***Sigh* **

**Ok, last update of this fanfiction! **

**Sorry it took so long to update! Anyway hope you enjoy and thanks for all the reviews!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Sakura's POV**

When I woke up that morning predictable thoughts flew into my mind. Today was the day. The day another Li would officially be established in the world. Those thoughts were followed by a sickly feeling that lingered in my stomach. The past almost six years went by in the blink of an eye and secretly this day haunted my dreams for a majority of those nights.

These feelings were predictable on this certain day. What I didn't predict was Eriol chasing me around the apartment nagging me to go to the dreaded event.

"For the last time Eriol I said no!" I said getting extremely frustrated with him.

I flustered around the apartment gathering up the last of my things. My apartment began to look as it was the day I moved in. Empty and void of personality. My pictures, photos and deepest personal belongings were now wrapped carefully in brown cardboard boxes.

I wouldn't miss this place, my apartment I mean. From day one I've been arranging and re-arranging things just to make it feel like _my_ home but in truth, it felt as if I were a tenant forbidden to make this place a home.

Good riddance to it I suppose.

"Sakura please-"

"No Eriol I'm not going!" I marched away from him to busy myself in packing.

He followed me to every corner of every room though. He did look dashing in his suit. He looked polished and dapper and no doubt would turn a few female heads.

"You know if you don't you'll regret this for the rest of your life." He said sternly as he looked down on me like a disappointed parent.

"Eriol no." I said quieter. "I don't even understand why _you're_ going." I said bitterly just wanting to talk about something else.

Eriol had appropriately stepped down as best man for obvious reasons and was replaced by Meiling's brother. However Eriol still was willing to appear at the wedding. I honestly couldn't understand it. How could he bring himself to witness his love marry another?

Maybe I was in the wrong, was I such a coward as to not say a final goodbye to my best friend? I shook my head and refused to think about this any further knowing my conscience would persuade me otherwise.

"So you're just going to leave? Without saying goodbye?"

"I did say good bye Eriol remember?"

"To Syaoran maybe… but what about T-"

"Eriol please!" I said raising my hands up. "In twenty four hours I'll be on a plane for Canada and only God knows when we'll see each other face to face. Please, you're my best friend; you stuck by me for so long. I don't want to leave on bad terms with you."

He looked at me for a long time deliberating what to do. His expression changed to a look of acceptance. He knew no force could bring me to see them.

"Of course I don't want to leave on bad terms. But I do sincerely think that something…something will happen. I can feel it. It's just not right. None of this is right and something will-"

"You're going to be late Eriol." I said cutting across from him.

All last night he went on about this 'feeling' that something would happed to stop or interfere with the wedding. He said it with such passion that even I was swayed, but not enough to make me stay. No, I would be on that plane no matter what.

He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his black hair. "It doesn't help you know."

"What doesn't." I said returning to wrapping dedicates into boxes.

"Running away."

I froze mid-action and turned slowly to him.

"I'm not running away Eriol I'm leaving him to get on with his life without me. I have to do this, it'll make it easier. I should have done it a long time ago."

"You think I didn't tell myself the same thing when I left?" He said with an undercurrent of anger. "I thought that too when I moved back to London. But believe me Sakura it doesn't ease the pain in fact it worsens it. Every day you find yourself wondering what they are doing, if there happy and was leaving a mistake. You see there face in every single person who walks by. Not seeing or hearing from them is worse than seeing them happy with someone else. You try and you try to move on from them. But the harder you try the more you can't help but to think of them! Relationships and romances fail. You can't be with another person without constantly comparing them. Nothing feels right anymore. You end up just going through the motions to the point where nothing and nobody makes you happy. You become numb thinking and aching for them every second with every fibre of your body until you can't take it anymore!"

I sat and listened to him. With my hands placed on my knees I pried my eyes from my suitcase to meet his.

"Is that why you came back then?"

He looked away and nodded. "It hurt too much not seeing her, not having any contact with her. That's why I won't give up until its set in stone, and even when it is I doubt I'll ever truly let her go. That's why I know you'll regret leaving him without a fight."

"It's not that I'm giving up Eriol. I just… there are reasons why it just won't work. I should have left a long time ago."

"It's the coward's way out Sakura!"

"Then I guess I'm a coward!" I fired back.

For a long time we locked ourselves in an intense gaze before he caved. The atmosphere eased off and I saw he was getting tired of trying to get some sort of message through me.

"I'm sorry Sakura, you're not a coward. You're the bravest person I know."

When he opened his arms I collided into him most severely than the day he returned.

"I'm going to miss you so much Eriol." He embraced me tighter and smiled.

"We'll still keep in contact. I won't let you go that easily."

After a while we broke away. He swiped up his coat of the worktop and just before he walked out he turned to wink at me, his sapphire blue eyes gleaming.

"Goodbye Sakura,"

The door closed softly behind him and I whispered with full admiration for him. "Goodbye Eriol."

I hoped this would work out for him, I truly did.

But you had to admit, when it comes down to Eriol, anything could happen, and I mean…anything.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It wasn't long after Eriol left that dad, Yukito and Toya dropped by to help with heavy lifting.

"Aren't you all going to the wedding?" I asked them both.

"Only because dad's forcing us." Toya mumbled under his breath. He was probably the only one who approved of me leaving. Being the protective brother that he is he didn't want me near Syaoran knowing what it did to me.

I wasn't at all angry they were going. After all, they were family and Tomoyo was dad's niece. Toya, I could see was not happy about this. My bad I suppose for telling him almost everything.

"Why aren't you ready honey?" Dad said smiling at me. Dear God he really is clueless at times.

"I don't have time to dad, I'll miss my flight." I lied. I could have made it but just chose not to. I guess I really am a coward.

"You're flight isn't until eleven is it not?"

I sighed heavily. My father probably knew what he was doing. Out of all people he could play the guilt factor like no other. From the corner of my eye I saw Toya inkling his head towards Yukito to leave. They departed leaving just dad and I.

I continued with my checklist trying very hard to ignore dad's possible lecture.

"Don't forget to get the computer guy out to fix your skype ok? Otherwise your phone bill to Canada will put you in debt."

"Sakura…"

Oh no. Whenever he said my name in that half-sigh half-concerned way while taking off his glasses and rubbing them… it normally meant a speech was coming.

"Dad…" I whined.

"Just listen. I promise this will be the last lecture I'll ever give you."

He sat down on the couch across from me. He leaned forwards placing his elbows on his knees and contemplated on how to phrase his point.

"Sakura… when you're mom was in the hospital she never cried once."

This came as a surprise to me. Whenever dad referred to mom, which he did on a frequent occasion, he always spoke about her before the cancer. When she was alive and well. I suppose it was just too painful for him to speak about her when she was in hospital during her illness.

"She remained strong through the whole thing. She spoke to me about how wonderful her life was. Naturally it broke her heart to know she would not be around to watch you kids grow up. Especially with you, you were so young and she desperately wanted to be there for you."

He paused a while to dab his eye with a handkerchief.

"Oh Dad," I said crossing over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"No no," He said. "I know your mother would want me to say this to you." He dabbed the other eye and continued. "You're mother and Sonomi were inseparable when I first met Nadeshiko. They might as well have been twins. But Sonomi was a jealous and spiteful person. When I proposed to your mother Sonomi was not shy of expressing her disapproval of me. We held of the wedding until I won Sonomi's approval but… we could have been waiting forever. Your mother and I fought often about this and there was a time when I thought we would never marry. But after we did marry they became distant and barely speaking. It became more so when Sonomi married. I was not a rich man but I could provide for all of you but that wasn't enough for Sonomi. Her paralysing fear of being brought back into poverty was an insecurity I don't think Sonomi ever fully got over. She was afraid I would not provide for Nadeshiko in financial terms therefore dragging Sonomi down with her. It killed your mother to not be with her sister anymore. She never showed it but it did crush her. She made so many attempts to reconciliate with her but Sonomi made it difficult. She couldn't understand why Nadeshiko would settle for someone like me."

He sighed heavily and wiped his glasses. I didn't stop him from speaking. I never heard this part of my mother and my aunty. I just assumed they were never close.

"I believe it was through the close friendship of yourself and Tomoyo that brought your mother and Sonomi back together to some degree. Your mother was so happy to see your friendship grow. Like I said, your mother had just one regret. She wished more than anything that she made it work with Sonomi. The last time Nadeshiko and Sonomi was the night before she died. It was the first time I saw Sonomi and your mother cry. She apologised for everything. It made your mother so happy."

I wrapped my arms around him feeling myself getting emotional.

"Nadeshiko was extremely sick at this stage. I believe she was only hanging on only for Sonomi. The point to all this Sakura is that, your mother forgave Sonomi. And I know that you and Tomoyo aren't sisters but as I watched you over the years I can see you are so very much like Nadeshiko in every way. Tomoyo is a very sweet but naïve girl heavily influenced by Sonomi. We get our morals from our parents Sakura and we have to take that into account. And I know, that if you and Tomoyo leave things the way they are, then just like Nadeshiko, it will kill you."

I got his message loud and clear. It seemed as if the whole world was lining up to lecture me.

"I know you and Tomoyo have your differences, and I know she's hurt you Sakura. But I also know if you leave without saying goodbye it's something that will live with you for the rest of your life."

My eyes wandered over to the phone where I knew a voicemail lay undeleted. Deep down I knew he was right. He and even Eriol to some extent were right.

"Dad you should probably get going the wedding will start soon." I said trying to keep my voice steady. He smiled knowing he got through to me to some degree.

He rose up and gave me a hug.

"I'm going to miss you honey."

"I'll stop by the house before I leave you know that." I said turning my back to him not wanting him to see that even in my adulthood he could still influence me so.

"I know." He said hugging me tighter. "But I miss you already."

With that, just like Eriol he took off for the wedding. Just before the door closed he felt he had to tell me this.

"It's not too late sweetie, the wedding doesn't start for another hour."

I stood in the middle of the apartment embracing myself. It was so true. I did feel as if there was something left to be done. The sense of something left incomplete was lurking inside me. Maybe this was it. I said my goodbye to Syaoran… maybe it was time to forgive just like my mother did.

A small photo of my mother sat on top of one of the boxes.

If I truly was like her in every way, then maybe dad was right. I know my mother would want me o do this. I could practically see her nodding in front of me, encouraging me to do what was right.

Through the huge windows I could see a storm was brewing. The thick clouds coloured silver and grey seemed to be waiting for something, they circled the sky just patiently waiting for an event to happen.

The ticking of the clock was the only sound that seemed to echo throughout the building.

I could hear dad's voice circulate my mind.

It wasn't too late.

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Tomoyo's POV**

I sat by the locker staring into my reflection which showed a face of worry.

My hair was pinned back, my make up was flawless and I was wearing a dress custom designed by D'maras Lore. I look exactly how I imagined I would look. The only thing that was different was the lack of any smile on my face.

This was it. In a matter of twenty minutes I would be Mrs Tomoyo Li, and my old life would become a distant memory. Inside I panicked. I completely feared the aftermath. I did not sleep a wink last night. All night my eyes stared either at the ceiling or at the phone waiting for her to call.

As if she would have.

I didn't know how to feel so I remained quiet. Saying nothing. Not acting abnormal, just keeping to myself.

All around me the Li sisters flustered around in their bridesmaids dresses. I glanced out the window to see Meiling waiting outside the church for Yelen who was due to arrive any minute now.

In the mirror I saw Sheifa touching up her makeup in the far corner whilst talking on the phone in a cheery tone. She was simply loving this, being in control. I wonder what she would do when Yelen returns. Would she return into the meek Li sister who rarely looked or spoke unless addressed? Or would she come out more so and remain the dominant Li.

In the other mirror on the other side of the room Fanran and Feimei quarrelled.

"Fanran quit hogging the mirror you've been there since we've got here!"

"Give me a damn minute Feimei besides you got your chance!" Fanran remained in front of the mirror making sure she looked her very best as my maiden of honour.

"Yeah for about five seconds before you bullied your way in."

Feimei danced around Fanran to get a glance of herself. They continued to quarrel whilst sitting in the opposite corner Fuutie perched herself quietly. She picked the petals of a white rose. For some reason she looked absolutely miserable, as if she were the one in my shoes. She kept her head down and didn't speak a word since we got here.

Something was troubling her but I was too much in my own hurt that I didn't inquire about her.

I don't know what possessed me to but I looked back at Meiling. She stood looking up at she the sky which was threatening to rain.

She then darted her head towards her cell and answered it. At first her lips moved and her hand rested on her hip. Her face remained expressionless but then a look of confusion consumed her face, then shock.

I assume the caterers were lost or maybe Yelen wouldn't be released on time to make the ceremony.

She nodded a final time but I worried when she brought a hand to her mouth. She walked up and down the footpath for a while before settling onto the bench with her back towards me.

A gentle knock on the dressing room distracted my attention from Meiling.

"It's probably mother." Fanran said finally said prying her eyes from her own reflection.

I could feel my pulse double in pace. Oh God, I haven't seen Yelen since the heart attack. I feared the worst but knew that she would not bring all that up today of all days. It was Feimei who opened the door.

"Oh…" she said surprised. "I didn't know you were coming." Feimei said hesitantly.

Everyone's head turned to face the door. Feimei's body concealed the person behind it.

Then slowly, cautiously, Sakura walked into view.

I could hear the simultaneous gasp throughout the room. My heart beat so hard I didn't know whether I preferred it to be Yelen. A part of me was so glad she was here I could have burst into tears there and then but at the same time I wasn't ready for this.

Instead of gaping at her my mouth formed words. "Sa-"

"You're not supposed to be here!" Sheifa said in a sharp cut tone that made me gasp.

Sakura didn't phase at all. She just continued to look at me in an expression that told me she was here for a reason.

"Tomoyo, can I talk to you?" She said with confidence despite the hostile atmosphere.

"No she cannot _talk_. Do you realise she has to be at the alter in ten minutes! You may speak with her after the ceremony but now is not the time. I'm sure there's some space left for you in the church."

"Preferably at the back." Fanran chimed adding a snicker.

Sheifa clenched her hands and crossed them over her chest. Sakura however said nothing to them but continued to stare at me pleading for my time.

"Tomoyo?" She whispered.

All eyes fell on me waiting for my answer.

"Ok." I nodded with a small smile on m face. I was not going to miss this opportunity.

"Tomoyo!" Sheifa said with a look of shock that I went against her. "There isn't any time!"

"Give us a minute. All of you."

At first they gaped at me with their jaws hanging. They were shocked that I would dare speak back to Sheifa like that.

They shuffled out one by one, Sheifa the last to leave with a look of disgust on her face. She stared down Sakura as she left banging the door shut.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I didn't think you were coming." I said suddenly losing my nerve.

"Neither did I." She said walking slowly towards me.

She took one of the stools and sat beside me. She wore a long coat with her hair falling in loose waves.

I sucked in the air wondering if I should be the first to speak.

"You look beautiful." She said smiling genuinely.

This only made my eyes water.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked staring at my hands.

"Well what would you like me to say?"

"I don't know. Maybe yell at me like I deserve. "

"I think we got that out of our system already."

We both laughed.

"Are you staying for the wedding?" I asked knowing the answer already.

"No, I just came here to say… to say goodbye."

"Oh.."

"Why are you crying Tomoyo?" She asked reaching out to wipe a tear of my cheek from my eye.

"Because I'm about to do something awful and I don't know what to do."

She looked down at her feet understanding my predicament. "Don't feel guilty Tomoyo. If it weren't going to be you then it would have been someone else."

"Because of the letter?"

She looked surprised but then realised the fact that I knew about the letter. "Yeah, because of that."

We stayed silent for a while whilst the clock ticked on and on counting down the seconds.

I wish I knew what to say, I really did.

"Tomoyo don't cry," She said when my voice cracked.

She did the most unexpected thing. Her arms pulled my into a hug. Her sweet smell brought me back years. I don't remember the last time we were like this. For a moment, for one moment I felt like I was cared for, funny how it was the person I hurt the most.

"Sakura…are we ever going to be the way that we were?" I dared asked in the mist of this rather nice reunion.

She pulled away from me gently and averted her eyes from me.

"After today Tomoyo, I really don't know where that leaves you and I."

I felt my heart sink but I nodded anyway

"You understand don't you? When you and Syaoran…marry… I simply don't think we could possibly ever go back to being…"

"Like sisters." I finished for her.

"Yeah…I know I'm confusing you. But I forgive you Tomoyo…I just can't forget. I'll never forget what's happened. But soon you and Syaoran will probably have kids and, and you'll settle into your new life. You may find it hard to picture now but eventually you will and I- I just can't be around that."

I nodded not saying anything for fear that it would be the wrong thing. I wanted so bad to tell her not to go. I wanted-no…I _needed_ her to stay. But of course I couldn't ask that of her. If the roles were reversed I would probably leave too. I'm not completely blind. I know over the years I've used Sakura as my shoulder to cry on. When things got rough with my life or Syaoran Sakura was always there even though it was probably killing her. I've been so selfish…and look where it's gotten me.

"You'll make him happy Tomoyo, I know you will." She said and caught a single tear that almost smudged my make up.

"I'll miss you." I whispered.

She nodded and stood up. "Don't dwell on this Tomoyo…this pain…it will pass…it will pass."

I felt as if she were trying to convince herself rather than me. As she turned to leave I couldn't help but to ask the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

"Eriol…"

She stopped with her hand on the door handle.

"Is he… is he…"

"He's here. He is lost in a world of his own. After you are married…he'll come to acceptance and then you won't have to worry about him anymore…"

My hand flew to my heart…I bit my lip from revealing the secret growing in my stomach.

"Goodbye Tomoyo." She said.

The last I saw of her was her fingertips as they brought the door to a close. I actually felt physically and mentally on my own. My confidant was gone. The comfort of knowing she was there was something comforting enough to sustain me through difficult times. But now I was on my own.

A few moments passed without my notice. I simply stared at my hands wishing this would just be done with.

"Tomoyo-san…there's plenty of time to cry after the wedding." Feimei dangled a tissue in front of me. I smiled and dabbed the corners of my eyes.

Be strong now Tomoyo… no time for tears.

"Ready to go?" Fanran said appearing behind me with a smile both devious and evil.

"Yes." Stabbing a gaze in the mirror I held a look that read 'Tomoyo Li' but inside my heart sang 'Hiiragizawa'

"I'm ready."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The wedding march caused silence in the church.

Three hundred faces turned to face my direction. I was blocked by my bridesmaids but as they descended down the alter one by one I became more exposed.

The walk up the isle was the most daunting part. My eyes could not bring themselves to look up. They remained fixate on the floor, or the flowers or the shoes of others but never towards him. I didn't want to see the expression on his face.

When my eyes met the maroon carpet I knew there was no more stalling, nothing left to do.

When my eyes met his he was in a gaze, a trance maybe. To everyone else this could have been misinterpreted as a gaze of pure love and devotion. But I knew, he was not looking at me, but rather through me. Was he imagining her? Was his mind colouring my eyes green just so he could get through this?

Then, when silence settled his eyes fixated themselves on me. Silent messages were sent between us. Maybe I imagined it, maybe it was all in my head but I swore I saw his lip twitch upwards in a half attempt to smile. Was this some sort of reassurance?

My hands clenched tighter around the bouquet I was holding. My heart pounded faster and harder than it ever did before.

Oh God, this is it. I'm actually about to do this. My breaths caught unevenly causing my eyes to flicker for a brief second towards to my right. I saw him immediately. Sitting five rows from the front. His face read the heartbreak I was trying to hide. For a while I was stupid enough to think something would stop this. I let him place false hope in me. The aftermath was too much to think about now.

In the front row sat close friends and colleagues of Syaoran. Chiharu, Takashi, Rika and Naoko sat in the same row as Eriol. None of them bore a look of approval, but rather they had faces of judgment. They weren't here for me. I'm surprised they were here at all.

A seat in the front lay vacant and I could only assume it was reserved for Yelen who, was noticeably absent.

When the priest cleared his throat my attention was returned to the now.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…"

This was it, my wedding day, and all I could see was his face, my Eriol's face… I've dreamt about this for so long with Syaoran. My happiness was supposed to be never ending with him and already I could sense it would be far from it.

Then came the dreaded part. My hands shook when Fanran took to bouquet from my hands so I could be prepared for the rings. My hands fell in his. I looked at him wondering if he felt the same.

"We can do this." He whispered so low and so subtly not even the priest heard him.

A part of me thought he was just reassuring himself.

"Do you Syaoran, take Tomoyo Daidouji to be you lawful wedded wife?"

The colour rushed from my face, my hands became as white as the walls and after a moment when his lips moved to form words I thought I would collapse.

"I-"

Whether he said 'do' or not I don't know. He was drowned out by the double doors of the church bursting open and swinging round to crash of the walls. I dropped my hands from his in fright and whirled my head towards the doors.

Meiling marched in very formal matter past the front row, past Fuutie, Feimei, Sheifa, Fanran and even me. She halted just in front of Syaoran and ignored the church full of gaping mouths shocked that she would interrupt at such an important moment. I didn't even realise she wasn't here. I just assumed she was beside Fuutie.

She pulled Syaoran to face away from me. I looked back to the Li sisters but she mirrored my confusion in their faces. Meiling whispered low and incoherently. I looked to Syaoran to gauge his reaction. His eyes budged and his mouth parted slightly.

"When?" he asked in a more neutral tone.

I still could not hear Meiling but when she finished speaking Syaoran nodded his head and rubbed his jaw.

"I'll handle everything here." She said rubbing his back encouragingly.

People began to become impatient and voiced their frustration.

Syaoran turned his head towards me and gave me a look of uncertainty.

"Syaoran? What's wrong?" I said over the angry voices.

He bit his lip and grabbed my wrist. Before I knew it he was leading me out of the church not stopping for anything.

"Ok sorry about this everyone but I'm afraid the wedding is cancelled." Meiling said.

An eruption of complains bombarded the room. "I know I know I am very sorry. We will call you again for the re-set date thank you!" Meiling ushered people out very professionally.

"Cancelled? Syaoran why? What's happened?" He didn't stop walking even when we were out of the church grounds, nor did he release my hand.

"Syaoran! Tell me what happened?" I said getting frustrated myself.

He rubbed his after he let go and let out a moan into his hands. In his suit he looked so handsome yet so alone.

"Syaoran..." I said touching his shoulder lightly with my fingertips. "Please, tell me…"

"It's my mother."

My eyes expanded. Above us dark clouds hovered watching us in our ant-size form.

"What about her?" I asked with my mind already coming to its own conclusion.

"She…she's dead."

Right on queue, a single drop of rain fell between us, with many more to come…

x x x x x

**Syaoran's POV**

We sat like statues waiting for the horrible news to arrive. I sat in my living room with my four sisters and Tomoyo.

There was dead silence and we all dared not look at each other.

I drummed my fingers lightly on the dresser beside me.

Tomoyo sat across the room still in her wedding dress and still a Daidouji. I didn't know whether this was fates way of telling that we were not meant to be, or whether it was just a coincidence.

Finally Meiling emerged into the room looking sullen and exhausted.

"So?" Sheifa asked with a face as hard as a stone.

Meiling sighed. "That was the nurse who was assisting Yelen. They were getting ready to leave for the wedding. One minute, Yelen was talking as normal, the next…there was just silence, nothing. The nurse left the room for a minute. Yelen was so quiet, she closed her eyes and then…she just never opened them again. The nurse said she was stone cold within the minute."

We all sat silent. Fanran was the first to burst into tears. Feimei averted her eyes out to the window in a sad gaze. Tomoyo continued to pick at the netted veil.

"Was it a heart attack?"

"Possibly. There were signs of a struggle. A broken vase, make up on the floor, but she died quickly."

I bowed my head not knowing what to feel. I didn't know whether to cry or be upset. My emotions seemed to sterilize leaving my body numb.

"I'll be in my office." I said excusing myself.

Sheifa stood up poker straight with a face as hard as a stone. "Don't be long, we've to be back at that church in twenty minutes."

"What!"

"On any other occasion I would certainly postpone it, but mother was planning today's event for years! I know for a fact that she would not want us to delay this. I've arranged a private ceremony for yourself Tomoyo and us, after we will resume to our guests."

"Are you kidding me?" Meiling said shocked.

Tomoyo's mouth dropped realizing that Sheifa was actually suggesting this, suggesting that we carry on with this marriage.

"Sheifa, your mother died and you want to go ahead with this. You haven't even consulted Syaoran or Tomoyo!"

"I don't see why they should want to delay this. Those people have travelled very far to be here, we'll say mother is ill and break the news after."

"You're fucking insane." Meiling spat.

"And who asked you! You're not even a real Li therefore this does not concern you! What right have you to intervene with _family_ affairs after all the years you've been leeching of us? If it weren't for my mother you wouldn't even have your little law firm."

I saw the sting on Meiling's face. Sheifa knew that would hurt.

"Twenty minutes Syaoran." Sheifa said and marched out of the room leaving an eerie presence behind her.

I would have defended Meiling if I could. I was too weak, too heavy from the stress of today's events to do anything.

But Meiling, predictable as she was, snapped out of it and assumed her professional like manner.

"Feimei go help Tomoyo get ready, Fanran go call your husband and inform him we shall be arriving soon."

Fanran wiped her nose and obeyed, as did Feimei. Fuutie however remained rooted to the ground with her eyes wide with fear.

"Syaoran," she said suddenly coming to my side. "I need to talk to you."

"Not now Fuutie ok? Maybe afterwards." I said dismissing her.

"But S-Syaoran-" She said tugging my sleeve and begging me with her eyes. What has gotten into her lately?

"Fuutie I really need you to make these calls for me do you mind." Meiling said placing a hand on Fuutie's shoulder.

Fuutie bit her lip and swivelled her head from myself to Meiling.

"I need to… I need to get something." She ran out of the room.

"What's wrong with her?"

I shrugged. "There was always something funny about Fuutie."

Meiling and I retired to my office.

"Here's to my last seven minutes of freedom." I said sarcastically while opening a bottle of scotch.

"I can't believe Sheifa, are you just going to go through with it?"

"She has a point, why delay it any longer."

"I don't like seeing you like this Syaoran!"

"Like what?"

"Defeated." She rested her head into her palms

"It's quite ironic,"

"What is?"

"Like Sheifa said, mother had planned this occasion since I was born. Ironic how she dies and never gets to witness it."

She nodded understandingly. I walked over to a near by mirror to examine myself in my suit.

"Is it bad that I don't cry for her? She was my mother…shouldn't I feel something? Anything?"

Meiling walked up behind me and patted my back. "She's wronged you in the past Syaoran, she's hurt you in ways a mother shouldn't."

"That's the thing. If I can't feel sadness for her, shouldn't there be hate? Or bitterness? Something, anything?"

"Syaoran it's understandable. You won't know how to feel at the moment. It will take some time."

I sighed knowing she was right. I looked at the clock, I had to go through with this. A thought suddenly entered my head.

"Should I tell Sakura?" I looked at Meiling for a reaction but received a shaking of her head.

"Leave her be Syaoran, after you marry Tomoyo, don't think of her."

From the silence I heard voices rising from downstairs getting louder and louder.

Meiling and I rushed downstairs to find Eriol standing in front of Tomoyo. Sheifa and Fanran glared angrily at whilst Tomoyo looked as if she were to cry.

"What's going on?" I said getting pretty fucking pissed at everything.

"Him" Fanran said stabbing a finger at Eriol. "He just fucking barges in here and starts shouting at Tomoyo to leave with him to London and all this shit."

"He wasn't shouting." Tomoyo said rising up to defend him. "He was just about to leave.

"No Tomoyo I told you I'm not leaving here without you."

"Eriol," I said with true sympathy for him. "Maybe you should just leave,"

"Why are going through with this Syaoran?" He pleaded with me for answers I couldn't give.

"Look piano boy," Fanran said slinking her way over to him. "It's over. These two are getting married in about ten minutes so I suggest you find someone else to elope with. I hear Sakura's single now, I think the two of you would fit nicely in Canada."

"That's enough Fanran!" I said ready to lunge at her.

She gaped at me in horror. "You're yelling at _Me? ME! _Seriously! He's the one who was fucking your fiancée!" She said pointing to Eriol.

The whole room gasped and I saw Tomoyo catch her breath in realisation of what Fanran just said. Sonomi backed away in absolute shock from her daughter.

"Not the angel everyone thought you were now are you Tomoyo-chan" Fanran said in a mocking tone that made Eriol tense him jaw.

Feimei shook her head in disbelief. "No, Tomoyo that's not true is it?"

Tomoyo looked away ashamed.

"Oh lets not stop there what about you Syaoran? Tell me now, was having an affair with Sakura revenge on Tomoyo or could you just not help yourself?"

"Silence Fanran," Sheifa roared, but that didn't stop Fanran.

"Why? Why should I be quiet? Did I do anything bad? No! I married the man I was forced to like a good girl, I never cheated, I was faithful I did everything I was supposed to and I'm being punished for it? Seriously?"

"You're jealousy is disgusting Fanran!" Sheifa spat.

"Get of your fucking high horse Sheifa, mother's dead and I _won't_ have someone else tell me what to do."

"Tomoyo say this isn't true," Feimei chanted.

"Everyone just calm down!" Meiling interfered.

"I'm sorry, so sorry," Tomoyo mumbled.

"You see what you're marrying into! I won't let my child be brought into this?"

"What do you mean _your _child?" Sheifa barked.

"Oh my God you're pregnant with his child aren't you!" Somoni cried.

"What!" Feimei yelped while tangling both her hands in her hair with utter confusion. "T-Tomoyo you cheated on Syaoran? B-But why? You two guys love each other don't you? Don't you?" Her head rotated from myself to Tomoyo and we both looked in the opposite way too ashamed to admit out loud that we felt nothing for each other.

Everyone screamed at each other. Secrets were revealing themselves. I was the only one who remained silent and watched like a spectator to this…this horror movie. Fanran's piercing laugh rose above it all.

Sakura… Maybe it's a good thing I never brought you into all of this. Maybe you got away easy.

"Y-you're pregnant, but it's not Syaoran's?" I saw Feimei's eyes swell up in disappointment for Tomoyo.

"You are not my child…I didn't raise you like this…I don't know what you are anymore." Sonomi presented her back to Tomoyo as if to reject her.

"Tomoyo please…" Eriol pleaded.

"She's not going anywhere with you!" Sonomi Screamed.

"Seriously everyone calm down!"

I felt myself getting a headache. Is this what you wanted mother? Are you smiling at all this chaos? Is this how you wanted to see your children? The sophisticated, upper class Li's fighting like dogs amongst themselves. Sonomi, enraged grabbed her purse and stabbed a dirty glare at Tomoyo. "You are not my daughter." She spat and marched out of the house.

Tomoyo pulled openly at her hair and tried not to cry. Eriol tried to comfort her but she kept shaking her head and mentally wishing she weren't here.

"EVERYBODY STOP!" I roared managing to drown everyone out into silence.

I felt my breathing intense but slowly starting to ease. I imagined Sakura here with me, telling me to do what I think is right.

"Everything that was said in the room does not leave this room understand?" I said glaring at every one of them. Most of them nodded in fear and I could see the promise in their eyes that they would not repeat a syllable said here. Only Eriol and Fanran kept tight lipped.

"And what if something were to slip out to the wrong person?" Fanran challenged with a sly, almost crazy smirk.

"Who would believe you Fanran? It's your word against mine. Not only would you be seen as a liar but a spiteful brat who feels wronged. You utter the wrong thing and I'll cut you from this family in a second."

That made her snap her mouth shut and sit down. She surrendered.

"Eriol…" I had not the right words for Eriol. Nothing I would say would make him happy. I guess his friendship was something I'd have to sacrifice. "I'm sorry, but Tomoyo and I must do this. If you want your child to have any sort of a future, you'll let us do this. Please…"

He looked lost as his grip around Tomoyo's wrist slowly loosened.

"We have to leave now. I'm sorry Eriol."

I nodded to Meiling who ushered the rest of them out. Tomoyo who was speechless cupped his lost face and chanted over and over again, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…so sorry," He let her go and stared at the spot she used to be in. I had no idea what he would do now, but as long as we could get away from him for a while, then we could do what was supposed to be done.

"Wait!" Fuutie screamed bursting in through the back door. "Where are you going?"

"To the chapel Fuutie now hurry up".

"Bu-B-But S-Syaoran I have to talk with you." She shuffled on the spot clenching her fists in front of her face.

"Not now Fuutie."

"But-"

"I said not now!" I placed a hand behind Tomoyo urging her to move faster before Eriol broke from his trance.

"No Syaoran it has to be now! NOW! Before it's too late!"

"What are you talking about Fuutie?" Feimei said getting annoyed.

"It's about dad!" She yelled which halted my feet, making my body ridged. The air around us became thick with the mention of dad.

"Fuutie what-"

"What have I told you about this Fuutie! Do not dare mention those filthy little lies. Now of all times." Sheifa screamed and glared at her threateningly.

"Maybe you think they're lies but Syaoran deserves to know!" She began to cry out of frustration.

"You're a foul little liar Fuutie and we are hearing none of it!"

"You weren't there Sheifa! You don't know! You don't know ANYTHING! I was there and I know what I saw I know what happened." I've never seen Fuutie so angry and tense like this before. She would crumble with this secret if she didn't let it out.

"Fuutie…" I said stepping towards her and gripping her shoulders. "You…know? About dad."

"Yes." She whispered.

"She knows nothing! It's just an attention thing pay no attention to her. We must leave Syaoran now!"

"I'm not lying Sheifa I'm not!"

"lying about what?" Meiling stepped forward between Sheifa and Fuutie and I.

"The night dad died… I was there. I heard everything."

For a moment I thought the world stopped. I didn't know whether or not I heard her right. I felt my hands twitch and something squeeze my heart.

"Fuutie if you even mention anything about that I swear to God-"

"Don't threaten her." Meiling interjected.

Everyone else sat quietly with eyes wide open as if experiencing a thriller and waiting for the revelation to happen.

Sheifa and Meiling locked eyes like two soldiers ready to kill each other. Alas, Sheifa caved. She tossed her head back and laughed.

"Fine, go on the Fuutie. Tell everyone this ridiculous story of your, then see who believes you." Sheifa took a seat on the edge of the couch and looked at Fuutie encouraging her.

Everyone, even Fanran, said nothing but kept their eyes fixed on Fuutie. Fuutie blushed but kept her attention on me only. It felt she was saying this not to anyone else, just me, we were the only two people in the room. She closed here eyes as to compose herself.

"Do you remember the night dad died?"

I nodded and ignored my heart which was beginning to race….

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx x x x x x x x x


	16. The Revelations of Fuutie

x x x x x x x x x x

**Syaoran's POV**

"I was sick…I stayed at home that morning. The maid brought the rest of you to school, you remember Syaoran don't you?" Fuutie asked with her eyes big and brown.

I nodded remembering that day so clearly. Fuutie was cursed with a very weak immune system and rarely attended school as a result of that.

"Well…mom and dad must have forgotten that day, forgotten I was home. That day they had a fight. Not just a dispute, or a quarrel, but a full on fight. Things were said…horrible things. I never heard dad scream so much in all my life. Mother said the nastiest things to him." Fuutie paused to regain herself.

This was obviously a memory that pained her extremely. I could practically see the memory flash before her eyes.

"What were they fighting about?" I interjected out of curiosity. It was very rare that when my mother raised her voice to my father. He was the one person she feared and maybe out of respect, she never questioned him. My father had somehow tamed my mother's obsession for control.

"I didn't get the exact cause for the argument." She admitted whilst rubbing her hand up her arm trying to remember. "But I just know that it… it revolved around…"

"Around what?" I asked trying to keep my voice even.

She eyed me worryingly. "Around the Kinomoto's."

Everyone's mouth dropped but no one gasped for fear they might stop the pace of Fuutie's revelation. I felt my stomach knot with the mention of Sakura's family. What would that have to do with this memory of hers? What does it have to do with my wedding?

"What about the Kinomoto's?" Meiling inquired stepping closer to myself and Fuutie.

"I could hear them shouting downstairs, they woke me and I..I was eavesdropping… Dad mentioned them a lot. How we became too spoilt, how our family is too materialistic, he kept saying we should be more like the Kinomoto's. Dad and Fujitaka were quite close friends. Dad admired them…"

"And how did Yelen feel about all of that?" Meiling asked guessing that was on my mind but I was too in shock to speak.

Fuutie shook her head. "Predictably. She couldn't understand how dad could admire… middle class. It made her so mad. 'Why aren't I good enough?' she kept screaming over and over again. Their argument escalated louder and louder until mother lost it and started throwing things at him. That was his boiling point. 'I'm sick of living in this loveless marriage' he said. 'Sick of this tradition and expectation of social standard. I'm sick of it Yelen. I can't take this anymore.'"

Fuutie's voiced cracked and she embraced herself in her small arms.

"What happened then Fuutie?" I dared asked and struggled to keep myself from shaking the answer out of her. I knew not to rush her. But I had a bad feeling of what she was trying to say.

"D-dad h-he. He said he was leaving her."

"Liar!" Sheifa suddenly exclaimed in pure anger. "Dad would _never_ leave mother."

"You weren't there Sheifa." Fuutie cried. "I know you don't want to accept it but-"

"Shut up Fuutie!"

"Let her talk." I fumed at Sheifa and she sat back down clenching her fists so tightly I saw green and purple veins protruding from them.

"Go on Fuutie." I said softening my tone but inside I wanted to know so badly what she witnessed.

"Dad said he was leaving her, and that he was thinking about doing so for a while. He just didn't want to be with her anymore, he didn't care what the consequences of leaving her would be as long as he was free and all of us were ok, especially you Syaoran. He really wanted you to be happy. He didn't want what mother wanted you to do."

Fuutie's eyes suddenly darkened. A stern look consumed her face.

"Mother exploded, even worse then before. She cursed and called dad every name under the sun. She screamed like a mad woman and smashed everything in the room. 'I will _not _be the first divorced woman of a Li' she shrieked. 'after all I've done for you, after everything I've done to raise our children as respectable as possible, you'd turn around and fucking leave me? Because of the Kinomoto's?" Dad defended Fujitaka and Sakura, he said it wasn't their fault he was leaving, but their kindness made dad want us to break away from the way we were living. Mother did not listen to a word of this. She kept blaming the Kinomoto's. 'That bastard family' those '_middle class nobodies'_ she said the most awful things Syaoran."

Her hand fluttered to her heart, which must have been racing like mine. I never knew such events took place, I never knew my parents even had an argument to that extent. But Fuutie was not finished.

"After the shouting, dad said this was it. He was leaving her that night. He was not returning and she was to return to China and never come back to Japan. 'And I'm taking the children with me' he said. 'far away from you and your hatefulness and shallowness."

"Then what?" I said holding my breath not knowing whether I wanted to hear more.

"T-then, there was silence. Mother just nodded and said 'ok'"

"She just agreed?" Meiling asked sceptically.

"Yes, but mother convinced him to stay just until the rest of you came home from school. She claimed she wanted to explain what happened. He agreed, for our sakes he understood. He left the room and returned to his office. I stayed where I was, hidden. I didn't want them to know I was there. Mother went to the kitchen. All I could hear was the sound of china 'chinking' against each other. I actually felt pity for her. I stood behind her, she didn't even realize I was there…"

By now Fuutie was in a trance as if she were re-living the moment.

Behind me Tomoyo and Eriol locked eyes on her, Fanran was literally on the edge of her seat positioned to nearly fall of it. Sheifa took interest in her nails as if all of this were completely unrelated to her.

"Mother was so quiet as she put together the tea set. The only thing I could hear was the kettle boiling, and when it was done she poured it out but…" Fuutie suddenly burst into tears.

I had to leap forwards to catch her. "But what Fuutie!"

"S-she put something else in it. I know what I saw! I know what I saw!"

"What Fuutie what did you see?"

"…Rat poison." She now combusted into tears.

I felt a shock freeze every fibre of my body. My mind bombarded itself with flashing images. Mahogany desk, coffee almost black, cold white fingers with no sign of life, the cold grim atmosphere that once hosted my fathers' presence. She didn't have to say it; I suddenly knew why this memory was so painful for her…

"Fuutie are you saying that…that your mother…"

Fuutie nodded through tears stung eyes at Meiling. "When mother came out of his office I didn't hear from him until…until…"

"Until I went to see him." I finished for her. "Dead."

She fell from my arms because I simply was not able to hold her anymore. My arms became weak and limp. I was surprised my legs could support themselves. Everyone reacted in a way that could only be summed up as horrified. Meilings' hands shook as they travelled through her hair, Fanran and Feimei gaped in unison and the rest, made some sort of a shocked expression. Only I stayed disturbingly still.

The silence was nauseating. Fuutie whimpered on the floor with her head down.

"That's quite a serious accusation Fuutie." Meiling said still wide eyed.

"Y-you don't believe me?" She stuttered.

"Of course no one believes you!" Sheifa stepped in. "It's such a ridiculous, outrageous story conjured up by an attention seeking socially deprived girl! Now you all see why it was not worth mentioning!"

Sheifa shook her head over and over again. I had to admit, and I didn't want to, but it was such a thing to come out with. Our mother….killing our father. I didn't want to side with Sheifa, yet I didn't want to believe Fuutie. I just… I just didn't know what to think.

"It's not a story Sheifa In know what I saw!"

Sheifa scoffed and turned from her. Everyone slowly bore a saddened expression to think that maybe, Fuutie was lying. They shuffled uncomfortably not knowing which way to look.

"You saw what you wanted to see. Honestly Fuutie I'm tired of all this."

"I'm not lying Syaoran." She suddenly averted her attention onto me with her huge brown eyes.

I became speechless not knowing how to react to all this.

"If this is true then why haven't you told any of us before?" Meiling questioned acting as a medium. Neither showing belief nor disbelief in Fuutie's witnessing, just logically examining it.

"When could I? How could I tell you Syaoran when mother made sure I couldn't be alone with you? She never let me out of her sight I couldn't get to you! Why do you think I lived with her for so long? It wasn't a choice! The only reason she forced Feimei to stay with her is because she thought I told her about this! And even if I did have the opportunity I- I was afraid…a-afraid of what she would have done to me! I saw what she did to dad and I…." Again her voice broke. Any doubts I had about her were slowly diminishing. Why would she lie? What possible benefits does it have on her?

Thinking back it made sense, Fuutie was almost always accompanied by mother. Living in Hong Kong too the phones would have been monitored. That fact was very true.

"The reason I'm telling you this now of all times is because…I have proof." She took a deep breath and reached into her pocket. She revealed, to my absolute horror, a brown letter.

I knew what it was before she opened her mouth. The colour drained from my face. Meiling mirrored my expression

"I tried to get it off her for so long Syaoran, but she had it guarded."

"H-how?"

"When she realised I was there the day they fought, and she realised what I knew, she basically made me her slave. She made me do things I'm not proud of. Things like prep and select all the staff at Meilings law firm to serve mother before Meiling in everything,"

Meiling's jaw dropped and her hand fluttered to her chest.

"W-what do you mean?"

"There are outstanding forgeries in the will you currently have. The only reason they have not been brought into light is because mothe- Yelen didn't want them too. She paid them well for their incompetence. When mother gave you the money to set up your firm, she made sure your staff would obey her first knowing Syaoran would eventually seek your help. I assisted, I'm sorry Meiling, I didn't want to I swear."

Fuutie seemed absolutely shattered telling us this. I felt so much for her. But at that moment my eyes were fixated on the letter.

"I saw her hide this, that's why I left to get it just there. I told you about this Sheifa! I asked you to get this as proof but you didn't, and now I had to wait for mother to die before I could. I have to give this to you now. I'm sorry Tomoyo," Fuutie glanced at Tomoyo with sympathy. "But I always kind of knew that Syaoran truly loved Sakura. It killed me to watch you two almost get married. I wanted to say something earlier but I couldn't, i had no proof But now that Yelen is…gone. I- I just took it. And I can't stand by and do nothing anymore. I hope this helps you Syaoran…"

My hands trembled as they took the letter from her hand.

I looked at Meiling who was now sitting down trying to absorb the face that her firm, her everything was a sham consisting of people who never really worked for her. When her eyes locked on mine she nodded.

The brown paper was crumpled still and I thought I saw finger markings that I wished were my fathers.

Saying nothing, I opened the envelope and forgot myself, forgot the people around me, forgot where I was.

'_To Syaoran' _It read which sent a shiver down my spine to practically hear my father say it.

_To Syaoran,_

_If you are reading this, it means I have passed away. Son, I have many things to be proud of; My business, my awards, but my greatest asset in my life is undoubtedly you. Not just your brilliance in academics and logics, nor just your excellent potential, but for the young man I see growing every day. Syaoran, I am so very proud of you. Your kindness, innocence and eagerness to explore the world is something that I am most sure will see phenomenal results for your future. You remind me so much of myself at your age which was a time where, apart from your entering the world, when I was happiest._

_But there were and still are consequences of being a Li, Syaoran. My father forced me into the business from a young age and I am sad to admit that it molded me into the stone man I am today. I lost what I had my son. I was forced into a marriage I never wanted and although I do care about your mother, I cannot love her the way she wishes to be loved. If you are reading this I have probably already left her and hope with all my heart I raised you right. _

_If I were writing this three years ago, then this letter would be very brief. I would have given you the company in its entirety to run. But I have changed Syaoran. People have changed me. I have made friends with people who have opened my eyes. I see now what a life I would limit you to. I don't want you to be like me, I don't want you to be victim of a loveless marriage, unhappy until your old and grey and realise the mistakes you made in the past._

_So do away with tradition Syaoran. Do away with social standards and expectation. Change the Li name as something not to be feared by. Marry whom you please and make a wonderful life for her and yourself. Run the business or pass it down. Whatever you do with it I know will be the right choice, you could never disappoint me. _

_Forgive me if I have let you down in any way. Though your mother will not see eye to eye on this, forgive her for she did give me a wonderful son. Bare no grudges and condemn nobody because of their lifestyle. _

_I ask only one thing from you Syaoran, be happy. _

_This is my dying wish,_

_Xiao Lang._

For a while I remained silent suddenly piecing together Fuutie's story.

Meiling came up from behind me. I gave her the letter and listened back as she read it out loud. My hands shook once again and my mind scrambled through repressed memories from childhood.

"I came to you." Fuutie said directing her attention to Sheifa who faced the back window as if she were afraid to face me. She didn't know about this.

"I came to you but you just ignored me. You made me live with this for so long. I came to you but you ignored me!"

Sheifa didn't move but sat statue-like with everyone's eyes on her.

"So what?" She replied. "Fine, so dad was planning to leave mother. The fact you claim murder is simply outrageous." She scoffed but seemed shaken. She lost her nerve, her confidence. Even Sheifa did not expect this.

"Why would she lie?" I said finally finding my voice. "She was right about everything else. Why would she say anything like that for no reason?"

Fuutie smiled and I saw relief in her eyes to now I believed her.

"Rat poison leaves the system quickly. There would have been at least two days between the time of his death and when an autopsy was performed. The poison would have left his system by then. He was never sick a day of his life. He didn't drink or smoke, no illness run in your family and he was not an old man. His sudden death was always a complete mystery. But in taking all that into account, there is still no solid proof."

"We don't need proof." I said attracting gazes of curiosity. "I know what happened, _we _know what happened. That's all that matters. We'll worry about evidence later."

"This is crazy. Absolutely absurd." Sheifa stuttered.

"You still don't believe me?"

"We do." Meiling said speaking for a majority of us. Everyone nodded in agreement. Only Fanran and Sheifa looked away.

"Fine then!" Sheifa exploded. "If this is true, if this fucking bullshit is true then why didn't you save him? You claim you knew mother did something wrong yet you just stood by and said nothing? Honestly? Why Fuutie Why!"

"Because I was afraid! It was my fault! It was my fault dad died. I know I could have saved him, I could have stopped it all but I didn't! I didn't know what to do at the time. I was afraid of what she would do to me!" Feimei rushed over to embrace her sister in a soothing manner.

Feimei caughty Fuutie before she hit the ground. Fuutie bawled uncontrollably. "It's not your fault Fuutie, it's not your fault."

"Feimei's right Fuutie none of this was your fault." Meiling added.

I had to sit down.

My father… murdered, _murdered_. By that, that bitc-

"I don't understand something." Tomoyo said quietly but managing to draw attention to her self. "Why did Yelen have to drag me into all of this? What did I ever do to her?"

I too pondered on that fact. What did Tomoyo have to do with all of this?

"Revenge." Meiling said in a tone that told me she had every last thing pieced in her mind.

"Without a doubt Yelen absolutely despised the Kinomoto's. Something must have snapped in her mind when she killed Xiao Lang. She must have been ill, mentally ill knowing that Xiao Lang would leave her. To be the first divorced woman of a Li would ruin her. To know it was linked to the Kinomoto's infuriated her to the point of plotting revenge. It started with your mother. Roping her into the lifestyle Sonomi always wanted caused a disagreements between herself and Nadeshiko and her resulting in little contact with each other. This obviously hurt Nadeshiko and Fujitaka and had an effect on Toya. The more Yelen pulled Sonomi from her sister the more problems it created in Nadeshiko and Fujitaka's marriage. Something Yelen would relish in. And obviously that would have had an effect on Toya."

Tomoyo parted her lips and listened intently to Meiling. Meanwhile in my own mind, I began to get angrier…and angrier….

"With regards to Sakura, what better way to make her suffer then to watch her best friend and her love be together year after year, then to witness them become engaged…marry... eventually have a family. It was the ultimate way to hurt Sakura, make her suffer. You had to be apart of it Tomoyo. I'm sorry but, you were a tool in her plan. By forcing Syaoran into the business and into marrying someone he never originally desired, Yelen was going against the wishes of Xiao Lang. It was her own revenge, planned from the moment Xiao Lang was going to leave her. In a sick way, it was a genius plan."

Meiling stood still re-thinking over all of this. Tomoyo nodded and cupped her hands into her face. She knew she was a pawn in my mother's game, she just didn't know why.

Nobody said anything. They didn't seem to notice the absolute outrage boiling inside me. My knuckles turned white under the strain of my clenched fists. I felt cheated, so cheated to think that that woman fooled me. That I actually let her away with all of that. How could I be so stupid? All these years I was her puppet used to cheat my father. My father, God I let him down.

All this, all of this just to hurt Sakura.

"She must have been ill." Meiling mused. "She must have genuinely been ill cleverly disguising somehow. To think we didn't notice it. She was so...disturbed. How could anyone carry a secret like that around with them and say nothing?"

When I thought back to all those moments my mother went of into a random trance for no reason, it became clear she was showing signs of something that just wasn't right. If only I noticed, noticed something was off. But I didn't...

I couldn't just sit here. I had to take this out on someone. That's when my eyes fell on Sheifa.

"You knew about this." I said standing up glaring at her. She had the nerve to just sit there. "You knew about all this!" I roared. "You said nothing, look what you did to Fuutie! She confided in you and you said nothing! You let mother continue in her lie knowing what she did!"

"Syaoran, calm down." Meiling pressed a hand against my chest knowing I was going to lose it.

"I still refuse to believe it! I won't believe it."

"it's practically in the letter Sheifa are you that blind!"

"Mother wouldn't do that!" Fanran suddenly joined in stepping beside Sheifa. "S-she wouldn't I just know it. Say it's not true Fuutie, tell us you just made that up!"

"I didn't Fanran. I'm sorry."

"How can you even stand there knowing you could have done something? For Gods sake you could have done anything you know Yelen favoured you Sheifa! You could have gotten a hold of the letter years ago! You were told about it!"

God if she weren't a woman I would have hit her. I would have killed her!

"Fine then!" She boomed standing up straight. "I knew about the letter! But I still refuse to believe any of it! And if I did," she sauntered past Fanran keeping her eyes on me, "Even if I did believe Fuutie, in fact if I saw it for myself do you know what? I'd still deny it."

Even Meiling gasped at that statement. "You don't mean that Sheifa."

"Yes, I do. I'm not saying she should have killed him if that is actually true,but she did right to forge the letter. It wasn't mother who was mentally ill it was dad. To just suddenly break tradition like that? To be willing to let you throw away generation of work? She did the right thing! We are Li's! All of you should have been willing to have done the same! It's not just a fucking name, it is, and always will be a lifestyle. You will _not_ break that Syaoran and that is why you _will _marry Tomoyo tonight!"

For a moment it was like the spirit of my mother took hold of Sheifa. These were not the words of my sister; they were my mother's words. My mother was reincarnated the day she died. But this time it would be different. This time I would stop this before it went out of control. Sheifa would not bring fear into this family. This new reign of terror will end tonight.

"Get out." I said in a voice that was low and threatening.

She scoffed which infuriated me more. "Get out? I am not going anywhere Syaoran because if I leave this family falls apart and it's up to me to-"

"Sheifa I swear to God if you don't leave now I will kill you."

Her eyes widened when she picked up on my threat. "Syaoran you can't-"

"GET OUT! If I ever see you again Sheifa, if you ever come back to Japan I swear I will ruin you! I will tell everyone what happened even if I have to shame this family I swear I'll do it! Get the fuck out of my house NOW!"

She stumbled backwards with her mouth completely agape. She looked as if she were to say something but instead gave an ice cold glare to Fuutie and hissed, "And you call yourself a Li."

With that, my sister fled clicking her heels and slamming the door.

"And why the fuck are you still here?" I roared an Fanran who looked extremely uncomfortable and was obviously isolated from everyone else.

"You're kicking me out too? But-"

"OUT. NOW. Don't show your face here ever again."

She too seemed like she wanted to argue her defence but Meiling silenced her. "I think you should just leave Fanran. There is nothing for you here."

She suddenly changed from her crocodile tears act and slanted her eyes. She did not have a closing speech. Instead, my eldest sister half ran from the house screaming, "Sheifa!"

Her echo died out but my anger on enflamed.

"Syaoran," Eriol spoke for the first time in a while. "Maybe instead of taking your anger out them and your mother, you could focus on what this mean for you and Sakura,"

Realisation kicked in and all my anger and frustrations placed themselves to one side. My heart skipped a beat when new thoughts flooded my mind.

'_Marry whom you please, make a wonderful life for her and yourself….this is my dying wish…'_

"Sakura…"

I ran my hands through my hair, grabbing it and trying to establish my next move.

"W-what if she still says no, what if it's too late?"

"It's so much different now Syaoran! She'll have to understand! If it weren't meant to be then none of this woul have come to light."

The look in Meiling's eye told me she was right, she just had to be.

"Tomoyo…" I didn't know how to say this. I've put her through so much...how do I just leave her?

"It's ok Syaoran, we can mend bridges later. Sakura's flight leaved in half an hour you have to go now to catch her!"

I was speechless but at the same time this meant so much for not only me, but for Tomoyo too. She and Eriol openly joined hands looked at me with encouragement.

As I ran towards my car I gazed at my watch and prayed it was not too late. I had to make it, I just had to.

The black stormy clouds of this morning had filtered out into a crisp clear night leaving stars dancing above me.

I can't be late…I'm coming Sakura….I'm coming to claim you as mine….

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

**Sakura's POV**

There was silence as I approached the bridge.

I started hear the airplanes take of in the distance which quickened my heartbeat. My luggage pulled behind me and I couldn't help but to take in my surroundings. Who knows when I would pass by Penguin Park again. Who knew when my feet would touch Japanese soil again?

"Sakura…" I thought I heard in the distance but shook it off knowing my heart was giving wistful sounds to my ears. His voice…it sounded just like him.

I shook my head from this nonsense and focused on getting in that plane. I was near the bridge and just around the corner Tomoeda airport awaited me. I saw my breath fog before me in the cool air.

"Sakura…" I heard again almost convinced it was real. I stopped in my tracks with uncertainty. I could have sworn I heard him. I looked back seeing a clear walkway harbouring no life but my own. Wistful thinking I guess.

"Sakura wait!"

This time I heard tracks accompany my delusion. They got louder and louder making me tremble. I must have gone completely and utterly insane because I could swear on my mothers life I saw him running towards me. The closer he got the more my brain screamed that yes, he was indeed there before me, Syaoran.

He was in what I assumed was his wedding suit. His hair was windswept and tousled when he approached me out of breath. This couldn't be happening, there was absolutely no way...

"Syaoran what are you...did you run all the way here?" I stuttered baffled.

"Sakura..." He said panting with a look a passion in his amber eyes. "Sakura, I'm begging you, don't leave."

"Syaoran…" I began shaking my head feeling the familiar pain I wanted to bury. "Stop this, you're married now you can't do this."

"I'm not married."

"What?"

"Tomoyo and I didn't marry. The letter was a forgery Sakura; we have the real one, the ones that permits us to be together. it's a long story you just have to believe me." He smiled brilliantly and placed a hand on my cheek.

"Syaoran I… I don't understand."

"I promise I'll explain. Come back with me Sakura." He took my hands unable to erase the smiled from his face. A strange confidence glowed from him.

I couldn't seem to pick up on his joy. This has happened before and what happened? I got my heart broken for the one thousand time.

"No Syaoran…"

His smile evaporated and I saw his eyes blacken.

"We've been through this before Syaoran. You promise me it will work out, that we'll be together but I always get hurt Syaoran and like I said before…I-I can't take it! I won't!" I broke from him but his perseverance took control. He stepped in front of me blocking my from leaving the bridge.

"I know I've hurt you Sakura. But I swear to you, I swear on everything I have, you and I can be together, love each other openly. Not just in secret. Meiling even said it, we can be together don't you understand?"

"I-I understand Syaoran but can't you see by now? Even if what you're saying is true it's just one thing. Every time we begin to fall for each other or even try to be together something always comes between us! How can we be happy when the universe seems to want us to keep apart?"

I couldn't believe I was crying again. This stung, I didn't want to be saying these things but I couldn't help it.

"Sakura…" He cupped my face in his soft hands. His eyes glowed like two amber fireflies and I could simply not break the gaze. "I once saw it like that too. That motivated me to stop fighting for you. The universe doesn't want us to separate, can't you see? No matter what stands in our way, we always end up with each other, no matter what…"

I could feel every fibre of my body yearning towards this opportunity for us to be together. But my brain sent warning signals. You can't get hurt again Sakura.

"What if it doesn't work Syaoran?" I said with my vision blurring, "What if something comes between us again?" My voice was cracking and I could practically hear the ticking of my watch warning me that I must make a decision.

"Then just like this, we'll get through it."

A sob escaped my throat and I noticed our heads inclining towards each other stopping only because of my doubt.

"Sakura, the fact is it doesn't matter whether or not you get on that plane. I'm going to follow you whether it's Canada, Australia, Brazil…Fiji. I'll never, ever let you go again. I won't rest until you're mine."

There were a million things flooding my mind, but one thing stayed for certain, I loved Syaoran Li. I could deny it until the day I died but my heart would always sing for him. I would never seek closure from him. This was the only thing that felt right...

He made so many promises to me before but this time, I don't know why, but something was different. The solid passion and love radiating from his told me that this time…maybe it would truly be different.

"Syaoran…"

He surprised me by slowly caressing my hands and descending down on one knee. His eyes sparkled as bright as any star in the sky. My breath caught, I've recognised this moment so vividly from my dreams. But this was not a dream, nor the fantasy of a wistful little girl. No, this was my deepest wish crossing the border from fantasy to reality.

"Sakura," he said with a voice as soft as velvet. "There have been so many messed up things and people in my life. You of all people were the most hurt. So much time has passed, time we could have been together. But I promise, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will make you as happy as you made me until the day I die. I'll give you all the things you ever wanted and love you so much Sakura. I don't have a ring, and this was not how I planned this but,"

He took a deep breath, as did I…

"Will you marry me?"

The world truly did stop. The grass, trees, water and stars seemed to hold their breath. I bit my lip as every ounce of doubt fled my mind and for once, my brain sided with my heart permitting me to speak the word I always wanted to say without any regret or guilt.

"Yes," It was barely a whisper and was accompanied by a waterfall of tears. They were not tears of sorrow nor despair, for once they were tears of happiness.

I cupped his face in my hands and through the tears kissed him, my Syaoran, my everything. Was it right to be this happy?

"I love you Syaoran." I whispered in his ear hugging him so tightly our heart tried to meet each other through their intense beat,

"Everything's going to be ok Sakura, I promise, I promise." He hummed into my ear and I knew, I just knew he was right.

Over his shoulder I saw a plane, a plane I intended to have been on. I soared higher and higher, reaching the velvet sky until it immersed into what appeared as a shooting star. I didn't even have to wish upon it, everything I ever asked for was here… in my arms.

** THE END**

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**It's over! **

**Thanks everyone who reviewed and even if you didn't review thanks for reading :) I've never finished a story before so hopefully there will be many more from me in the New year!**

**Merry Christmas everyone!**


	17. Epilogue

**Sakura's POV**

I stood in a well designed conservatory looking out at an orange and yellow sunset.

I pondered on the events of last year. It was this time last year Syaoran stopped me on that bridge, this time last year my life changed. The sun began to set on yet another day of my life and I started to think of others that were affected.

To begin with, Syaoran completely disowned Sheifa and Fanran from the Li clan. Sheifa returned back to China where she resumed work in her business firm independent from the Li Company. Syaoran never spoke about her and I made it my business to do the same. The rest of the family cut of ties with her also and I have not heard from her since.

Fanran came crawling back within two months begging for Syaoran's help. Ironically the day before she returned Frank died of old age and left Fanran with a very, very small portion of his money with the rest given to charity, much to Fanran's disgust. She finally got what she always wanted, to run a company, Franks company. Unfortunately Fanran did not know or realise what running a company entailed so it wasn't long before she almost plummeted it into the ground. She was given no choice but to hand it over to professionals. With her money spent and gone she came back to Syaoran in tears and distraught. Syaoran was not falling for it though. Just like Sheifa Syaoran did not see her as family. While he wanted to kick her out and leave her poor and without a cent, some persuasion, mainly on my part convinced Syaoran to give her a cheque big enough to plan a grin on her face. Needless to say it should be a very long time before we ever hear from Fanran again.

Feimei packed up her thing and moved to Japan to live with her boyfriend Azuma. I don't think I've ever seen someone as loved up as those two. Of course the revelations of her mother had an effect on her but Feimei was strong and Azuma was there for her every step of the way. Once settled in an apartment not an hour away from Syaoran and I she returned to college to study Architecture. She never asked much from Syaoran, nor did she inquire about the business. She became a relatively normal girl and if anything, was relieved to escape her former life under the strict rule of Yelen.

As for Fuutie…Fuutie needed a lot of counselling. The ordeal of revealing the secret left her in a bad place. She still harboured responsibility for her father's death. She became ill and even more reclused, as if Yelen was still watching her and Fuutie could never really free herself from what happened. But with the support of Syaoran, Meiling, Feimei and myself Fuutie gradually became better. In fact, I began to see a side of Fuutie I never saw before. She became happier than ever before. The grip of Yelen was slowly loosening leaving Fuutie with closure.

Syaoran was there for her more than before and even offered for her to stay with him. After a while Fuutie became completely independent and settled in the same apartment block as Feimei. It would take a while before she could let go of the past and accept that it wasn't het fault but she was on the slow road to recovery. She was becoming healthier looking and began setting up a branch firm of Meiling's firm. Fuutie truly saw me as her sister and we became like so as time went by.

Meiling completely re-evaluated her staff and made some major changes to her firm. She thoroughly went through past cases and even offered to bring Yelen to justice. Speaking of which, with Syaoran and Tomoyo's break of with the engagement the letter had to be brought to public knowledge. I braced myself for this, waiting for rejection and social isolation but instead I was surprised to be received eagerly by Syaoran colleagues. Due to the amount of respect Xiao Lang had his final wish was deeply respected and accepted.

As for his final wish, Syaoran continued to run the business. He lost no contacts and if anything, sympathy for what happened between him and his mother attracted more investors.

Meiling offered to prepare a case but Syaoran declined. Yelen's reputation was already tainted by the forgery and by her own doing. To bring murder into it would bring about more misery. We knew what happened, that was good enough for now. Yelen's name was something to be frowned on. I think that's something Syaoran found closure in.

As you can guess, Eriol and Tomoyo practically fell into each others arms. Although Tomoyo and Syaoran had issues they needed to sort out. Syaoran harboured a lot of guilt for lying to Tomoyo. They were working it out slowly.

The birth of Tomoyo's daughter Kimiyo brought about a complete change in Tomoyo. She changed dramatically back into my once childhood friend. Of course she apologised over and over and I truly felt she realised the wrong she had done.

Though I once said Tomoyo and I would never be friends again, I find myself contradicting. The sisterhood was progressively becoming stronger and I saw my friend returning back to me. It was like time turned backwards and instead of us becoming strangers, we became stronger than ever before. Tomoyo cut of all ties with her mother and finally stopped trying to win her approval and I swear, she has never been happier. As for Eriol, this whole time he must have known, he must have known this would all have worked out. I wish I had his confidence all along. As you can imagine, Eriol and Tomoyo were deeply in love and were able to express it without shame and make up for all those years of wishing it could happen.

After a lot of thinking they decided to move to London to raise Kimiyo and of course, there were wedding bells for their future. Tomoyo and I certainly would not be breaking of contact. We parted once and I think my mother would have been smiling to see us rekindle our friendship.

So that brings me back to my situation. Syaoran and I were married within that year and yes, it was better than anything I could have imagined. My father was absolutely delighted with my decision to stay in Japan. Canada was not out of the picture altogether, and Fiji was still a thought, then again I may never venture across the pond at all.

So here I stood in a conservatory, soon to be turned into a nursery for my child, the next generation of Li. I looked down at my ring not believing this was reality and not just a dream.

"What are you doing?" My husband asked joining me.

"Reminiscing." I said with a smile un-erasable.

"About what?" His arms circled around me and pulled m into his close embrace, something I became used to. His chest pressed against my back with his hand resting on my bump. Only two months to go now…

"Just things…" I said smirking with my cheek pressed against his chest feeling the never ending warmth from him.

We both gazed out onto the sunset perfectly content in our lives.

I turned around to kiss him thinking how lucky I was. I wasn't even upset that we lost so much time together. So much time we could have been in love. But I didn't think about that. Instead I thought of our future, the happiness that awaited us.

As he held me, I knew this was forever. Syaoran and I, we would never be apart. We could survive what happened, we would survive anything. Him and I. I would never lose him again. This I sealed mentally with a kiss.

He was mine, it was worth the years of waiting. And the sun set on another day of my life casting a violet light around us. There was no pain, no hurt, no loneliness. My heart, which once shattered reconstructed itself again and became his.

Inside, there were no signs of heartache,

Inside, I would never be lonely,

Inside, my heart was with him forever,

Inside…I was healing.

**THE END**

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